Sobrun Jameel

This is gonna be a very short post. And a very useless one for everyone else but myself. So go ahead, and leave! Stop reading.

…while I plunge on.

Just NEED to say “Fa Sobrun Jameel.” Kata2 famous Nabi Yaakub.

Life is hard. But you make it harder by worrying about it. So, I will stop…

Soon, I will stop worrying.

Soon….

….but not yet.

I just need to say once more: “Fa Sobrun Jameel. This, too, shall pass,”

Now, I will stop.

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Decision reached!

 Alhamdulillah, I am no longer in a state of indecision; the annoying habitual Gemini state. I have controlled the evil twin, the ying from the yang. I now know what to do. My istikharah yielded a VERY CERTAIN result. And I am no longer in doubt as to what is the best course of action for me.

Prior to the istikharah, I have actually listed all the pros and cons of working here as opposed to working back in Malaysia. And I know exactly what I SHOULD choose base on that list. And my heart too was inclined towards following the conclusion from the list, but knowing me, I could NOT commit to a decision. Everytime I wanted to say “Yup, this is it! I am doing what’s best based on a very logical conlusion from the list!”, my heart would be assailed with bouts of doubts. Temptation from the other side of the fence beckoned; and I find their seductive wiles irresistable. So, I paused and deliberate longer.

When I looked at the list again, the logic in me spurred me on to decide now, and put a stop to this consistent state of indecision. The logic in me said “You KNOW what you should do. You say you are logical, determined, brave and courageous…what’s stopping you? Or maybe your words are just without value?”

When I decided to do istikharah, I told myself that whatever decision I might get,I would follow it. And then pray for my heart to stay steadfast.  Jangan berbolak-balik lagi.

When I first did my istikharah, I was not sure what I felt. There was no overt signs or indications of what I should choose. So again, I could not commit to a decision because the signs were not all that clear.

My second istikharah was done with a bit of improvisation last night. I took two pieces of paper and wrote on them a choice each; going back or staying here. I folded the papers neatly and put them in a box. That night, I prayed the istikharah prayer, and slept soundly. When I woke up in time for Subuh, I prayed as usual and ask Allah to help me pick the BEST decision. 

I put my hand inside the box; toying with the two papers; pushing them here and there. And at last, I grabbed one piece. THE PIECE that would make all the difference.

I opened it.

And I smiled. (I knew it!!)

Now, I can commit. NOW, I know that my heart has been right all along. I guess, I had known what to do but all I need was the push. And Allah has given it to me.

Now that I’ve been given the certainty that I covet, whatever happens I will be content to face it. There will be no regrets.

Well, knowing me, maybe I would grunt and complain when things get too hard. But deep inside, I would have known that this decision is the best for me. And I would be motivated to continue along this path that I have chosen. It would make all the difference.

P/S: I would like to express my heartfelt thanks to a friend who had given me the idea for my second istikharah. It’s the certainty that I covet, and I got exactly what I wish. No biased!

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I —
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Mode: Indecisive

I am a Gemini…the dual signs. The twins. The Yin and Yang.

Before anyone started to condemn my kurafat-ness with regards to astrology, let me calm everyone’s suspicion by affirming and reaffirming that I have ZERO belief in such things. However, it was PURE coincidence that I do have one prominent gemini trait…the ability to see BOTH sides of anything or at least the genuine concern of getting two opposite views. While some people may think that it is a good trait, I generally think that it hinders decision making.

I used to play devil advocate too and delight in doing it. There are times when someone’s opinion might be in perfect alignment with my own but I would throw another light into the matter just to see how the discussion would go. Just for the hell of it. Provocative, MUCH? I am terrible, I know. Maybe I am that way because to me, agreeing is boring. God! I really should lose this annoying trait.

I am in the middle of a big decision and I just could not decide. Susahhhnyaaa! Aku baru buat istikharah…baru sekali. And I really don’t know whether I had felt any different the next day. I was not sure what I feel. It’s just like deciding whether or not to live on campus or off-campus. Hinggalah aku dipaksa keluar baru laaa aku keluar. That’s how I am; I am comfortable in my own skin and I am comfortable in every current situation I am in. It’s familiar and it’s comfortable and it’s happy. Begitulah aku, selagi keadaan tidak ‘memaksa’, aku akan rasa selesa dengan ‘status quo’. Jangan diubah, or else the autistic in me akan melatah.

To stay in this pasture? Or venture out to another? That’s the question!

Since then, I’ve been collecting quotes about decision making in the internet. Maybe writing them up would strengthen my will to choose what’s best.

  • Choose always the way that seems the best, however rough it may be. Custom will soon render it easy and agreeable. -Pythagoras.

                      Hmmm…makes me want to venture out when you put it that way, Pythagoras. You’ve settled it for me. Thanks a bunch!

  • Each indecision brings its own delays and days are lost lamenting over lost days… What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic, power, and genius in it. -Johann Wolfgang van Goethe.

                     Oh, you are spot on, Goethe! You can have no idea how much of my time have lost pondering over this! Okay, time to be BOLD!!

  • Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there. – Will Rogers

                   Wiity, quote! I like it and able to appreciate it. Blergh (that’s the sounds of my crushed internal organs as I got run over; the crushed organs being mostly my brain and my heart)

  • Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently. -William A. Ward.

                  Maybe it’s time to increase the prayer.

  • Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame. -Erica Jong

                 I can have only myself to blame for anything! A scary thought, that!

  • The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. -Elbert Hubbard

                   Ugh, you have no idea how good it sounds but how hard to it is to implement! But very bright, Hubbard!

  • There is no more miserable human being than one in whom nothing is habitual but indecision.  – William James.

                Ouch!! (though it’s not exactly habitual with me.)

  • Whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision.

                I took a deep breath and pray for courage.

  • By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. -Confucius.

                 I like to reflect. And I leave it at that.

I am still indecisive. But from now on, I would at least stop talking about it. I will take  Goethe advice (since I like his quote the most).   At least, I can stop the wasted time deliberating over it. I have been in these situation countless times, and though I was always indecisve, I did make good decisions when the time is absolutely vital!