Discarded babies!

Childhood features that invoke adults' protective instincts

Babies are such cute little things.

Did you know that adults who are rated as attractive usually have baby-like features? Attractive adults are the ones who retain their facial looks of innocence (but with a body of a woman/man, of course, lol).

A study was done to look at why babies (and adults who retain baby-like features) are so adorable. Features such as below are said to invoke protective feelings from mothers towards their newborns and actually encourage bonding between mothers and babies:

  • wide round eyes
  • small mouth
  • small short nose
  • round cheeks
  • small chin

And if you look at the way little kids express themselves; it’s just full of LIFE. Their laughter is full of SUCH joy and when they squeal and break into a smile of amusement, your heart melts. And when they cry in distress, it’s YOU who are stressed.

According to my lecturer (while I was doing Paediatric term last year) all these features and antics are designed to invoke the feelings of warmth and affection towards little kids. They also inspire the feelings of protection and urgency to fulfill the baby’s needs. That’s why the crying of babies are so annoying because they distress you and you just need to shut them up because what you are feeling when they cry is the feeling of urgency to correct whatever it is that is distressing them. It’s adult’s basic instinct to care for their young.

However, as babies grow up and are able to take care of themselves, their facial features become more matured and they will, to a certain extent or other, lose the oh-so-cute and-adorable facial features and childlike expression.

But, some people do retain their baby-faced appearance, and these are usually the people that you would rate as beautiful!  (For example,Indian and Arabs are beautiful because they retain their big round eyes.)

That’s why while babies all vary in their looks, they are all soo cute and adorable no matter what race they belong too. Dark-skin babies are not less adorable that Caucasian babies and Chinese babies (even with small eyes) are just as adorable as Malay babies.

So, looking at how all newborns are designed by God to be so adorable and should invoke the protective instinct of the mothers, we can only conclude that the numerous cases of abandoned babies (discarded into the pits, garbage bin, bushes or rivers) now making news in Malaysia is the manifestation of the lost of basic human instinct among the Malay(sian) females.

****

I have done one article on this issue (Abortion) previously. But tonight, I feel called upon to write on this again by a conversation I had had with my friends while we were on the way back from iftaar at the mosque.

Kak Rin was saying, “Tau tak sekarang ni depa nak buat hukuman gantung untuk orang-orang yang buang bayi” (Translated: Did you guys know that now the Malaysian authority wants to enforce the punishment of hanging for those who are found guilty of discarding their newborns!)

And I replied, “Memang patut pun! Buang bayi tu menyebabkan bayi terbunuh. So hukuman untuk membunuh memanglah hukum gantung.” (Translated: Serves them right! Discarding babies would indirectly but effectively murder them. So, the punishment of murder is of course hanging.)

Kak Rin replied, “Tapi macam kejam sangat lah. Kenapa perempuan saja yang kena? Patutnya, laki dan perempuan, dua-dua kena hukum gantung. Baru fair. Sama-sama buat, sama-samalah tanggung.” (But this punishment is too extreme. And why is it that only the woman is punished? Both man and woman should be hanged, for it to be fair. They were in it (i.e have sex) together so they should bear the consequence together).

Heheh. That’s why I love Kak Rin. We are both a Muslim feminist, at heart. ****

And then I said, “Ya, memang sama-sama buat. So dari segi dosa berzina, sama-sama lah berdosa dan akan tanggung dosa tu. Tapi bab buang bayi tu, siapa yang buang, dia lah yang kena.” (Translated: Yes, from the point of view of fornication, then both men and women should bear the burden of the sin. But from the point of view of discarding the baby, then whoever had decided to discard the baby, then he/she should be punished.)

What I meant was the sin of fornication is clear : BOTH of them would bear the burden of the sin; if not here, then in the hereafter. But when it comes to discarding the baby, we should look at who had decided to do it? Is it just the mother? Or if the couple has not broken up yet and is still together, was the decision to discard the baby made by the father…Or did both of them decide to discard the baby?

We have to analyze each case individually to decide whether both the mother and the father or the mother alone deserve hanging. In cases where the couple are still together and both of them had made the decision to abandon the baby and thus killing it, then both of them should be hanged. In cases where the couple has broken up, and then the woman finds out that she is pregnant, and then after giving birth to the baby, she then decides ON HER OWN to abandon the baby, with no encouragement or force from the man to do so, then surely the punishment should only be given to the woman.

Right?

Kak Rin then said. “Mana aci. Perempuan tu tak dak choice. Dah laki tu tinggalkan dia sorang-sorang dengan baby tu.” (Translated: That’s not fair. The girl has no choice but to discard the baby; because the guy has left her to bear the responsibility on her own)

Then I said, “Apa pulak tak dak choice? Ada dua choice kat situ: nak jaga baby atau nak buang baby dalam tong sampah. Dan dia pilih nak buang baby. Memang padanlah dia kena hukum gantung.” (Translated: What do you mean she has no choice? There are two choices there: to keep the baby or to discard the baby in the garbage bin. And she decides to discard the baby. It would serve her right to be hanged.)

Well, look, I am a feminist. But I am a fair feminist. There’s no doubt, BOTH men and women are responsible for the sin of fornication. There’s no doubt that the man who left the woman alone to bear the fruit of their sin, is an irresponsible spineless PIG for doing it and he will answer for it and should be punished for it. But WHO decide to discard the baby? That’s the key question that we have to answer.

I don’t know what I myself would do if I were found to be in that situation (na’uzubillah hi min zalik, please ALLAH, protect me from falling down from the grace of Your guidance). But if I were left alone to decide what to do with this baby (my supposed BF is no longer in contact with me, so he has no influence on my decision), my decision would be based on how this baby would affect me and whether or not I could bear the consequence of having a fatherless baby in the society. So my decision is a selfish decision of how this baby will affect me (Me! I! Myself! So I am responsible with the decision) in the society.

So, if I later decide to discard the baby and the deed is then found out by the authority, I alone should be punished for it! But I will reveal the name of the bf (because I am vindictive, lol), so that he could be punished for fornication, or at least be brought to the same level of shame that I have to endure. But the punishment for discarding the baby would be mine alone!

Look, I could be wrong about my reasoning and I totally understand Kak Rin’s point of view and would agree with her on most things. I think I am a bit biased myself, because I feel very strongly about this.

The truth is, I just find it so HATEFUL that young mothers could be so CRUEL as to discard their newborns. I could understand it if the father does not have much soft, tender feelings towards the product of his abominable lust. After all men like that are beasts of the lowest level and care nothing beyond their selfish needs. But the mother who carries the baby for nine months and who could feel how the baby moves inside her, should at least feel a certain amount of affection towards the baby. Discarding the baby is a heartless decision and therefore deserves a heartless punishment!

Stop thinking that you have NO CHOICE! You always have a choice. You always have! You could choose to say, “I don’t care what the society says. Maybe it’s a good thing I broke up with my bf, my baby does not deserve that kind of father. I will find a woman’s sanctuary and live there with my baby until I am ready to face the society again. I will hide away and then give the baby up for adoption and then move to another place where I can start my life new, where no one knows me.”

Stop basing your decision on the man who left you. Stop basing your decision on what the society says!! The society is wrong at so many levels, it’s nauseating!!

****

Dayah then said, “Kita marah orang buang bayi. Tapi kalau dia nak simpan bayi tu, society tak boleh accept anak luar nikah. Habis tu macam mana? Tapi kalau kita nak suruh society accept anak luar nikah pun, ini seolah-olah menggalakkan maksiat pulak. Nak suruh society accept pun tak boleh jugak.” (Translated: We are angry at the incidents of abandoned babies. But if the mother keep the baby, our society still will not accept a child out-of-wedlock. On the other side, if we want the society to accept babies born out of wedlock (the way western countries have done), this would come across as encouraging sin. So we can’t ask the society to accept it either.)

That’s the dilemma isn’t it? I wholeheartedly agree with Dayah. It’s a dilemma and the reason is sooo clear.

Things become a dilemma when we want both ways, when we want two things at the same time and don’t want to stick to one particular system.

And I have talked about it in the previous article. I talked about how our society has become too rigid and too judgmental.

I have been accused of being rigid and judgmental myself, but I believe that I am rigid and I am judgmental on the things that we SHOULD be judgmental about. On the other hand, the society is being judgmental on things that they shouldn’t be judgmental of since they themselves are part of the problem!

How dare you become judgmental of people who have children out of wedlock when you yourself go out on a date with your boyfriend and then while dating, do and say everything that only husband and wife should be saying to each other. Don’t you realize that the only difference between you and the girl who has a fatherless child, is penal penetration!! That’s the only difference. Words of flirting is part of foreplay too, isn’t it?

How dare you become judgmental of ‘anak dara orang lain terlanjur’ when you don’t say a thing to discourage your children from having bf-gf relationship. Have you forgotten that ‘anak dara yang terlanjur tu’ starts by being an ‘innocent’ couple too, just like your own children are doing now.

If I know that I haven’t done my part in preventing my own family members from the root cause of zina, how dare am I to become judgmental on unmarried pregnant ladies?

So, that’s why I said the society should first and foremost be judgmental on people who have boyfriends/girlfriends. Not wait until they have gone on to have a child out of wedlock before you decide to be judgmental on them. YOU are part of the problem, so when it happens, you should help them!

You see, it’s ridiculous isn’t it when you picture this scenario involving a conversation between two friends:

Ani: Have you read the news today. It’s shocking how teenagers behave these days!

Intan: I know!! How immoral they are, to have done zina and after being pregnant, then discard the baby. Immoral people! Anyway, I have a date with my boyfriend, I catch up with you later.

Hahhah! Isn’t it hilarious?! In one  breath, you claim moral superiority but in the next breath, you went on to do the exact same thing that the immoral girl has done.

Stop kidding yourself. Admit it! Evaluate yourself! What do you guys talk about during the long phone conversation? Be honest! If you say that when you go out on a date, you don’t even hold hands, well fair enough! But, listen…. even words that you said to each other can be considered as part of foreplay in sexual intercourse, did you know that?? That’s why even if you claim that you never even touch each other and are just talking sweet things, I will still say that the only difference between you and the ‘anak dara terlanjur’ is: she has completed her foreplay and you haven’t. That’s it!You have no rights (yet!) to be saying those sweet nothings to each other. Stop it!

We should encourage teenagers to be proud if they have never said those loving words to anyone outside her family members, who don’t deserve them yet. The time will come, soon! For the time being, keep those words inside. Keep those words to yourself first, girls! Relax!! Why do you feel the need to express every little thing that you feel towards that someone? How many times have you said ‘I love you’ to your own parents even as they are being kind towards you? How many of you even express ‘thank you’ to your own parents rather than just take the money and grin, as though that money is a matter of your own rights rather than a mercy and an act of kindness by your parents? Try being loving to your own family first and get over the embarrassment of expressing your love to your family first.

Until now, I am embarrassed about expressing my affection towards my own parents and my siblings but over the years I have tried to be more open and I have overcome that embarrassment. I cannot imagine how much more embarrassing it is, to have to say those words to a guy? So, if we are all prepared to overcome the embarrassment of saying such mushy-mushy words to a total stranger, why don’t you struggle to overcome the embarrassment of saying those loving words to your family, FIRST. They deserve those words so much more than the guy who has contribute NOTHING towards your upbringing. Just think of it as a good practice to overcome your shyness in being affectionate towards someone else. I know I need the practice as I can be very cold-blooded sometimes and I am sure a lot of people also need that practice too. So practice it with your own family first!Hopefully, it will be much easier to do when you have to say those words to your legally wedded husband. 😉

****

We all know that Islam can’t be implemented in halves. By saying it, I am not claiming any perfection in my own doings, but I am only stating a fact, and I will repeat it again: ISLAM CANNOT BE IMPLEMENTED IN HALVES!! The system comes in perfect working order and could not work efficiently if one part of it is missing.

You can’t do hudud on teenagers who have done the sin of fornication when the society have made it a cultural practice to accept non-mahrams of opposite gender going out together. You can’t! It will be ZALIM for you to allow them that kind of temptation and then punish them after they have done zina!! You made it easy for them to fall into zina, people, and now you want to punish them?!

You can’t choose to cut a poor farmer’s hand who commits the sin of stealing but at the same time not punish the politicians for stealing a thousand times over of the same amount of money. It will be ZALIM!!

I will be the happiest person when the hudud will come into practice because by that time, the system would be so perfect that you will see no ‘fitnah’ whatsoever, that the likelihood of committing the sins in the first place is almost NIL!! So actually, it is in that ideal situation, that the hudud is implemented. Hudud for that particular sins are implemented when the likelihood of the sins to happen in the first place is almost zero.

People think Hudud is extreme, but it’s actually not. The reasoning is like this:

“How dare you commit zina! Have we not given you proper religious education? From when you are a little kid, we have taught you arabic and you know all there is to know about Al-Quran. You have never seen any half naked ladies/men on the billboards on the street. All the TV stations air only religious programs with no half-naked ladies dancing in the video clips. There is no temptation from anyone, anywhere that could have caused you to do it. But after all that has taken place, you still commit zina! Then, you deserve to be punished!!”

“How dare you commit the act stealing! Our Islamic nation is so rich that all our zakat money is excessive and no one meets the eligible criteria to receive the zakat money. And in the case of desperation, there’s always the baitul mal for you to appeal as we have soo much money in there. But why did you steal? You deserve to be punished!”

In both cases, the sinners commit zina/stealing simply because they can, and the opportunity happens to present itself. Not because they have been deprived of good upbringing and not because they are victims of social conditioning.

Our social conditioning is so nauseating that NONE OF US should dare say a bad word to someone who has a child out of wedlock. You can say, yes, fornication is a sin but full stop. That’s all you can say. Stop talking altogether but start acting. We should prevent the sin of fornication (by dakwah and awareness of the evilness of bf-gf relatinship) while AT THE SAME TIME help people who have sinned to repent to Allah and care for the babies. Until you have done your part of dakwah, until our society is so perfect and until we find it normal to be judgmental towards those who have bf-gf relationship, we shouldn’t dare to be judgmental to those who have babies out of wedlock. YOU are part of the problem when you take religion in halves. (Yes, my boy, mummy allow you to go out with that girl, but you cannot do more than that. Promise me?… ugh!)

I am saying it to myself too! I am part of the problem, as well.

The society should first learn about WHEN to be judgmental. Don’t just decide to be judgmental on the CONSEQUENCE of the thing that you failed to be judgmental about in the first place. Don’t judge the consequence, judge the reason! And when you judge the reason, you will find that the blame lies squarely on our shoulder as a society.

The society should begin to set up more welfare institution or women hostels to manage cases like these so that these teenagers/women would have places to go when they are expecting to deliver. But at the same time we have to work aggressively to change the society to become more conducive towards an anti-fornication environment. Make the society more conscious about preventative measures in abolishing social immoralities.  Make it known to them that from the very beginning, they can go ahead and be judgmental to couples… but not to unmarried pregnant ladies because what’s the use of being judgmental to them at that time? The deed is done already! Once the deed is done, the most afdhal thing to do is to be helpful, not to be spiteful.

We don’t want to see anymore discarded and murdered newborns now, do we?



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Ramadhan Mubarak

Salam to all my dear readers,

This is gonna be a very short post. I have just finished my evening on call today and am still feeling quite fatigue.

But I don’t want to miss the opportunity to wish each and everyone of you Ramadhan Mubarak. Make the best of these 30 days to attain greater amount of taqwa, insya Allah. May all our effort be rewarded by the Most Loving and the Most Merciful.

Newcastle Muslims would start fasting tomorrow (Thursday 12th of August), one day later than the Muslims in Malaysia.

I would like to humbly plead forgiveness for all my wrongdoings, knowingly or unknowingly to all my readers. May Allah extend His forgiveness to you and me.

The Long Case

“Why are you not getting any coffee for yourself?” Prof Kichu Nair, my tutorial teacher, asked me, looking quite confused. He looked at Julia, Allison and Angela as each of them got their own drinks and I didn’t.

Even he knows that no medical students would willingly refuse free coffee from his treat.

So I whispered to him discreetly. “I am fasting today.”

“Oh, is it Ramadhan already?”

Hmm…I was torn inside. Nak cakap ke tak nak?

I cleared my throat. “Well, Ramadhan is next week. Actually I fast as a way to say thanks to God that I passed my long case at first attempt. We call this nazar.”

Prof Kichu Nair smiled. “Oh, that is sooo good of you.”

I am relieved.

Some people are not very understanding of our practice. The Western people especially would be confused as to why we should offer anything to God as a way of saying thanks. They just don’t understand.

But I know as an Indian, this professor would totally get it, without me having to explain further.

****

Sometimes, simply fasting for having been granted from Allah what I wish with all my heart, just does not seem enough. I have been so blessed and I am very conscious of the fact that there are times when I am not thankful enough.

I am a whiner. That’s my coping mechanism. Whining makes me feel better. I don’t always seriously mean whatever it is I whine about (like, I do exaggerate a little, lol) but it just makes me feel better to be able to talk it all out.

My mom gets headache every time it’s nearing my exam. So, I told her, “Mak tak payah risau. Angah bukannya tension pun tapi Angah nak habaq ja.” Heh!

And this time I told her, “Mak, ni kali terakhir mak dengaq angah kompelin. Lepas ni dah tak dak exam. Lepas ni mak dengaq angah cakap yang best-best ja. Tapi kalau angah pass la. So mak kena laaa doa kat kak ngah.”

I am fully aware that my success in the long case has nothing to do with me. It’s been destined. We put in our effort in trying to achieve anything in life solely because it’s what God has commanded us to do; not because we believe that our success totally depends on our effort.

As a Muslim, it is simply unthinkable to believe that we succeed at our own effort. There are so many other things and factors outside our control that could cause our downfall:

1)What kind of case we got.

2)How nice the examiners are

3)Are there any interruptions during the interview (like lost medication chart/the patient has just received a bleak diagnosis an hour ago and therefore was not in a helpful mood/ the patient’s doctor was doing a ward round at that time and therefore interrupting your interview)

4)Simple natural circumstances (like panic attack, overslept, trapped in a traffic jam and arrive late etc etc)

My case was quite simple: a 69 year old gentleman who presented to the Mater Hospital with right calf pain and dyspnoea at rest, on the background of recently diagnosed heart failure, haemochomatosis, and 5 years history of atrial fibrillation and hypertension.

I mean heart failure is simple. Atrial fibrillation and hypertension are like everyday cases. It’s only haemochromatosis that I had not quite covered properly because it was not very common. In fact, it was actually the first time I came across a patient with haemochromatosis.

My examiners are Prof Hensley and Dr Nimmi Atharuliya…they are nice too (but they did fail one of the students in my group; so they are nice with conditions attached).

And I could make the most of the one hour time I got with the patient because the interruption was minimal.

In all accounts, Allah has helped me to pass.

It’s never just my effort. I put in effort simply for my own psychological satisfaction and to make myself feel better. I put in effort simply to comply with the sunnahtullah that we should work hard for an outcome. But the end result is in the hands of Allah alone and I claim no part in it.

For those who are still in doubt that any outcome is independent of your own effort, let me make known to you some events that had happened on the exam day:

Case 1:

One of the most brilliant medical student in our batch failed her long case. Even the tutor was surprised that she failed because she is knowledgeable, confident and knows everything. She works hard for the long case. If I don’t know something, I would definitely feel comfortable simply listening to her answers.

So, why did she fail?

-She got a patient with endocarditis on the background of systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE). Tough case!

-While she was doing the interview, the patient’s doctor was doing a ward round and broke the news of a diagnosis of bowel cancer to the patient. So afterward, the patient was crying and in distraught and the medical student simply could not take a good history from the patient.

-While doing the viva, the brilliant medical student accidentally said ‘pericarditis’ instead of ‘endocarditis’. She KNEW it was endocarditis, but through a slip of the tongue, she had answered ‘pericarditis’ instead. She did correct herself later, but the examiners thought she had done so on promptings rather than because she truly knew the fact.

One of the students had seen her came out of the examination room, crying.

It’s just heartbreaking because everybody knows that she is a very brilliant, a very passionate medical student who would have passed soooo easily if she got my case, instead. If anyone could pass with the case that she got, it would have been her.

The case was just too complicated and the circumstances did not help matters very much.

Case 2:

Another Australian student failed because she forgot to say ‘aspirin’ as one of the key treatment for myocardial infarction (heart attack). Just because of ‘aspirin’, she failed. You know, sometimes you think you already know all there is to know about heart attack, but you could still fail just because of one simple thing.

Case 3:

Another Australian student failed because he got mental blank during the viva. Furthermore, while he was doing the interview, the patient was also having lunch and she ate so very slowly; these things affect the maximum time you would get with your patient. In the long case, your patient and her medication chart are the only source of information that you would get and you should use all the interrogation skills that you have accumulated throughout the years to get him/her to answer your questions properly. If you get a helpful patient who has great insight of his/her condition and is on top of everything that has happened to him/her in the hospital, then you’ll be fine.

But not everyone was as lucky as I am.

I walked out of the viva room, feeling relieved. Thanks to the patient, my history was complete and they had nothing much to ask for further clarification. So we went straight to question-and-answer session. I could answer most of them but I got stuck at Haemochromatosis. Prof Hensley said that Haemochomatosis is rare, so he just said that I could do my 48 hour task assignment on it.

Because the patient was knowledgeable about his condition, I was able to get a complete history and they have nothing much to ask. So I finished the viva10 minutes early than I should have. So, while waiting outside the room for the result, I kind of know that I was going to pass simply because they let me out of the room early.

When they invited me back into the room for a feedback session, I was already cool and calm.

The examiners said, “we think you did quite well.”

And in my heart I praised God non-stop. Everything went so ideally for me on that day because Allah had made it easy for me.

I have always had easy cases, helpful patients and nice examiners on alll my long cases. I am so thankful that I have made it this far. Apart from a psychiatry OSCE, there will be no more exams for the rest of the final year. How cool is that!

I am now 3/4  of a doctor.

And as far as I know, all Malaysians in my batch have passed their long cases at first attempt; Suhaila finished first, and on the second day both Balqis and I finished our exams. Wani did her exam at Gosford and she passed as well.

Since I have passed the biggest hurdle in Medicine, and all that is left now are just filling up my logbook and completing my attendance, it’s gonna be a longgggg holiday until I actually start working.

I can now celebrate my Ramadhan with calm ease and tranquil contentment.

Alhamdulillah.

Gentle(wo)man

Prof. Kichu Nair took all four of us to the coffee cart and gave Miss J.H 15 dollars.

I smiled. He is going to buy us coffee, I thought.  This was the second time he had done so.

You see, as a medical student, I tend to judge all my supervisors by their tendency to buy me coffee. (shallow much?) And I NEVER say no to coffee (and food in general if it’s halal). I think that buying people coffee and discussing any topic over coffee is one of the easiest way to bond….there’s no need for a nice fancy dinner or 3 courses lunch. I am happy to be bought coffee and a nice pastry and discuss about the latest book I have read with anyone.

Prof. Kichu Nair now is at the same level as Dr. Harrington…they have bought me coffee TWICE. But so far, Dr. Chen (my surgery supervisor) is the best, in my estimation – from him, I got coffee at least twice/week just by attending his clinics.

So, I have come up with a simple conclusion: ALL supervisors who have a reputation or a demeanor of a strict and unbending personality are actually kind at heart because they are the ones who would buy you coffee. All the soft-spoken ones never did.

Kak Dash used to exclaim, “Macam mana Afiza boleh baik dengan doktor2 yang garang2 ni? Boleh cakap diorang baik lagi!”

My sisters would probably say, “Lions recognize their own species and would of course be nice to each other.” hahaha.

But Suhaila knows me. This is when Suhaila would say, “Kak Dash kena tahu Afiza punya definisi baik tu. Siapa saja yg belanja dia coffee, kira baiklah tu.” LOL.

Well, yeah it’s true what Suhaila said. However, it’s not just because of the coffee. It’s everything else that comes with the coffee…do you know what I mean?

These doctors are the doctors who would push you to learn, they are tough on you, and then occasionally they would encourage you….and sometimes they criticize you…and then they buy you coffee,which to me, seems to convey that all their garang-ness is a necessary part of learning but they are buying me coffee because I am still part of the team and they are being paternal. Yes, I like doctors who are paternal…gentle toughness with a shot of coffee every now and then.

Gentle toughness is different from arrogance. It’s so easy to differentiate between the two. You can be tough on me as long as you are nice about it….but when you are bordering on arrogance and start acting like a jerk and start throwing some unhelpful harsh words with f-words every now and then, that’s when the person becomes very loathsome.

So, when a teacher is being tough on me while at the same time cares about my need for food and coffee (LOL), then I would say, okay she/he is being parental. She/he is tough on me because she/he cares…my parents would do the same. They would scold me and then they would ask me to eat every time I start my mogok lapar. So I can accept that. As long as I feel you are being tough on me because you care about me, I will not mind.

But if I sense EVEN JUST A LITTLE BIT, that you are doing all that just because you are a naturally selfishly harsh and arrogant person with no respect for anyone else who is your subordinate, THEN I would never like you, coffee or no coffee. In fact, if it becomes too much, I might even write a letter of complaints to the school dean as well. (Yes, Allah has given me the ability to write well and I am always most comfortable at writing e-mail EXPRESSING my dissatisfaction. I am known to do that all the time.)

I don’t like arrogance. And I don’t like disrespect. Don’t come near me if that’s how you are.

To tell you the truth, when it comes to arrogance and disrespect, I can give you lessons! I know how to be arrogant. I know how to be harsh. I just stop being one because I realize that that kind of attitude sucks!

That’s why I hate people who speak so boastfully and arrogantly. Because when they do that to me, I tend to act the same way towards them….and then I will be like them. I am humble to those who are humble but I WILL BE harsh to those who are harsh at me. Don’t bully me just because I have always been nice towards you. I am nice because I have no reason to be harsh. Yet.

Whatever you give me, I will return equally.

I will let you in on a little secret.

I am bound by kindness. I am weak when you are kind to me. When you are kind to me, you would have tied me to you because I would never have the heart to disappoint you. I could not bring myself to say no to you when you are kind to me.You can get me to do anything halal to help you, and I will do it if it’s in my ability and power to help you.  But once you start being harsh and arrogant, you can’t win with me because I am no longer bound to you. You can’t win by being harsh with me. I will simply a)ignore you, or b)slap your cheek.

I am a lady and I will be treated like a lady. Nicely and gently with kind words. If you don’t treat me like a lady, then I will act like a lion. We don’t want that now, do we?

I have postponed talking about this because I was busy with my big final exam. But I have disapproved several comments recently without bothering to reply to any of them. I simply think these konon-Islamik, budget-alim comments are not worthy of gracing my blog. I have known the best of characters in Newcastle whose religious knowledge are far, far superior than these people and none of them are arrogant and harsh towards me. The true knowledgeable people know how to bind my heart…it never was and never will be with harshness. I don’t respond to that. EVER.

So, I hereby declare that I will not approve comments that:

a)uses harsh words. No swearing in my blog. It’s banned. Not even in a joking manner. Say only the best, or nothing at all.

b)that do not respect me as the owner of the blog. You don’t go to someone’s house and start provoking the host, do you? If it’s your inspired way of trying to get my attention, you are dead wrong. Try being nice, and I will pay more attention to you.

c)that is out of the topic of what I have written. If I write about politic, stay on that subject. Comment nicely, by the way. If you disagree with me, state CLEARLY and POLITELY why. Give me reasons. Don’t try to assassinate my character in your comment. I will not approve comments from strangers who don’t even know me but are trying to imply bad things about me. You can state why you disagree without saying anything about me or my character. Please stop being obsessed about me. I am not that awesome. Just be obsessed about what I have written. Okay?

d)if I think the commenter has wrongly interpret what I have said, and then base on that interpretation, he/she gives ‘budget alim’ comments that are meant to imply that I am not knowledgeable about my own religion, then again I will totally ‘longkang sampahkan’ that kind of comments.

I mean, sheesh! Comments that have the characteristics of the above, simply reflects the lack of excellent akhlak of that person.  And I will not associate myself with that kind of person, not even in the virtual world. I am sorry.

When I comment on someone’s blog and disagree with what he/she has written, I will simply state my case with clear reasons why I disagree. I NEVER said “Apa laa bodoh sangat cara kamu fikir ni. Kamu ni tak belajar agama ke yadda yadda.” I mean, how dare you! Do you think that comments in the internet will not be judged by Allah as well? How zalim your comment is that you can pass judgment on someone you hardly know and assassinate her character….and you don’t even know yet for sure whether or not you are right. You read what I said, and you interpret them wrongly and then based on your WRONG interpretation, you then pass judgment on me. Do you think that it is not sinful to hurt the feelings of your fellow Muslim brothers and sisters especially when you don’t even know for sure whether or not you are wrong or right?

That’s why my previous post is about ‘gentlemanly behaviour’. Orang kampung pun reti jadi gentleman. So please! I don’t want to associate myself with harsh people because I don’t want to be harsh in return.

I want to be a gentle(wo)man too. And I can’t be one with people like that. So the easiest method is for me to get rid of that people from my life.

If you don’t know how to be nice and how to treat a gentle(wo)man, don’t come to me.