The Sign of My Regard: I explain! And then, I explain again. And again.


Below is my advice to those who can make use of this advice:

There are a lot of actions that we can do to show our loved ones that we care. Some people give presents; some people give their loved ones attention; some people offer act of helpful service.


I am highly impressed by sound rationale and reasons. I am interested in the ‘why’ and the ‘how’. So the sign of my regard is: I give my loved ones explanation, even when they don’t want to hear them, lol. Even when they allow me to do whatever I want, I still want them to know why I am doing it. Even when they don’t ask for any explanation, I will give them my reasons.

I want people to know why.

I want them to understand why I do something and why I refuse to do something! I don’t hide from them what I am about. For example, if I tell my family that I am now into usrah, then I will explain to them why. I don’t assume that my family will not understand without first trying. I find it astonishing how some people are so secretive about many things with their family; either they themselves think that they are doing something wrong, or they just don’t care enough about their family to explain.

If I stop explaining myself, that means I don’t care about what you think because you are not important enough. If I stop explaining myself, that means I think you are too stupid to understand, so why should I waste my time? If I stop explaining myself, that means I don’t need your approval and support.

Therefore, I can never, never, never ever stay silent, especially with my loved ones, about what I am doing and why I am doing it. For one thing, I could never think they are stupid or hard in the head. For another, I love them too much, I regard them too highly to give up making them understand. Because I know they will understand. If they haven’t yet understood, that means I haven’t been explaining clearly enough.

That’s all.

So, I just have to explain again; perhaps in a different way. Until they understand. And then everyone is happy.

You see, I am so used to getting my opinion across and my feelings understood that I find it really annoying when people don’t do the same. Sometimes I come on too strong and people get intimidated. LOL, sorry….I can be a bit scary. I know I can be annoying but hey, that’s what family is for…they just have to put up with my budget bagus and perasan pandai attitude. Most of the time I was just showing them the sign of my love: I explain and I am frank and forthright. It means I am confident that no matter how annoying I might sound, they have no choice but to love me anyway.

I will do the same for them. I will put up with their annoying habits too.

So, what are you afraid of? Talk to your family! Don’t hide your feelings and then whine that they don’t understand.

You see, don’t assume people don’t understand where you are coming from if you haven’t tried; or if you have only tried once; or if you have only tried 50 times! This is family, babe! If you don’t talk to them and don’t explain to them your opinion, your principles, your feelings and all the things that make up your personality, then who are you going to do all the explaining to? Your best friend? Your boyfriend? Which one(s) have more rights over you?Whatever it takes, however long it takes, keep explaining. What’s the worst thing that could happen when you know that your family loves you, regardless?

Maybe they will NEVER understand. But ‘never’ is not something that you can know for certain, unless you have a magic crystal ball that allows you to see all the way to hari kiamat. ‘Never’ is for you to challenge. So…never say never! (cliché and corny, I know)

Okay ke tak nih?

Update from home sweet home!


It’s been 6 days since I am back (for good, I might add) in the Malay Land, and I am quite surprised to find myself missing (just a little bit of) Australia.

No, I am not surprised to have missed my housemates and the friends I left behind; after all, I hung out with them for most of the last 5 years of my life.

I miss speaking in English. Would you believe it? I am just so used to speaking in English whenever I go shopping that I find myself STRUGGLING to find the right words to converse with the shopkeepers. Huahaha. There was one time when I was trying to buy a new prayer mat (I left mine behind in Australia. Besides I was aiming for the super thick, super fluffy one this time) and I was surprised that my tongue betrayed my native language in favour of English. What was going on there, I wondered.

And I also found myself unable to talk to my grandfather about the danger of his smoking habit in pure, unadulterated, Malay. I was like, what is phlegm in Malay? I was terrible!

Through an enlightening conversation with a junior of mine, I have come to understand that the sort of chest pain common to ischaemic heart disease is usually described as ‘ketat dada’….not ‘elephant sitting on my chest’ the way I was used to describing it. By the way, I used the term ‘ketat dada’ while diagnosing my dad’s first episode of angina. (well, at least, that was what I think it was). I have implored my mom and dad to control their diet and exercise like there’s no tomorrow.

So yeah, the point of my rambling above was just to say that I miss speaking in English!

I also miss feeling like a celebrity every time I walked out of my room. Who will even glance at my direction anymore, now that I blend in with everybody, rofl! Who will exclaim in rapturous admiration at the sight of my really ordinary (by Malaysian standard) hijab? Who will mistake me for being as young as a 14 year old girl in Malaysia? Here, I am like a ‘mak cik’, you know! Not young!

I am gonna miss all that ego-boosting elements that I am so used to after 5 years in Australia!

Oh well, life goes on!

Oh yeah, and I am also gonna miss Masterchef!! Like, seriously! There’s nothing like masterchef to strengthen the bond of the housemates during dinner, I’d say.

Below, however, are the things that I DON’T miss about Australia:

  1. The Toilet And The Empty Bottle that I have to carry around ALL DAY LONG!
      -For those who don’t know, we wash our private parts after emptying our bowels and our bladders. Right away! So we always carry an empty bottle and fill it up with water whenever the urge to wee/defecate arise. If for some insane reason (which never happened) I just use the toilet paper without using water to clean myself properly, I would psychologically feel smelly all day long! Another Australian doctor (who has travelled a lot) also mentioned that he thinks it is sensible to wash oneself with water. After all, we don’t just wipe our clothes or our plates with toilet paper whenever we want to clean them. We use water! He even went so far as to say that if he could, he would love to use soap and alcohol gel as well. Now, that’s what I called enlightenment!!
  2. The constant planning of what to say to excuse myself if the ward round looked like it was going to last beyond the time for my next prayer. Or how to ask from the GP I attached with for a small space for me to perform my prayer.
  3. The constant anger I felt whenever I read the Yahoo7 news regarding my religion and the comments some demented Australian made about it.
  4. The burden that I felt whenever I was not as good as I could be as a student answering doctors’ question. Because in my heart, I felt like I was carrying the name of Islam as well as the good name of my country.
  5. Not having my own car to go around town with. (but that’s not exactly Australia’s fault)
  6. Some of the racist treatment I had experienced (but I am glad to say that it was minimal these last few years).
  7. Medical studies, in general. No, I haven’t missed that one just yet.


Now, I am in peaceful bliss. Celebrating Eid with my family happily, finally! To quote a shampoo commercial, ‘no more tears!’.

I have also contacted the lady who is going to be my kakak usrah in my locality. I am going to meet her and my future usrah mate for the first time tomorrow. She is also a medical officer in Hospital Sunngai Petani (SP). She told me that being a Houseman in SP does not seem to be as horrifying as being one in Alor Star. Nice!!

All right, folks! That’s all the update from Malaysia for now. I hope this post finds everyone in great shape and form! To my friends who are still studying for exams, best of luck yer! Waktu musafir the other day, saya dah doa pun. Heheh.

Please know that, I am here missing everyone in NC. Mmuahss!!

NC sisters, I leave my heart in NC

Makna Roda

Apalah yang ada pada putaran hidup ini?
Orang keliling datang dan pergi,
Mereka seperti kita; berputar-putar,
Bila roda terhenti, mereka berlegar-legar.
Dengan harapan penuh kegusaran,
Agar bila perjalanan hendak diteruskan,
Putarlah mereka segera ke atas,
Hempas dan pulas enggan terkandas.


Apalah yang ada pada putaran hidup ini?
Mereka seperti kita juga,
Mereka mencari di dalam lemasan arak yang hamis,
Mereka katakan itulah gaya hidup hedonis.
Mereka mencari di dalam bingitnya bunyi musik,
Dan seronok sorak  barisan perempit.
Mereka mencari di dalam fakta saintifik terkini,
Bahawa kunci tamadun adalah teori evolusi.
Mereka mencari di dalam kaya mereka jutaan ringgit,
Biar yang lain miskin terhimpit, daif tersepit.


Apalah yang ada pada putaran hidup ini?
Hendak ke atas, agar dikurnia rasa bahagia,
Bila dah tiba, rasanya hambar tiada makna.
Sedangkan roda terus berputar,
menjunam kita pulang ke dasar.


Apalah yang ada pada putaran hidup ini?
Mampukah bahagia tanpa tujuan?
Mampukah gembira tidak kenal Tuhan?
Ketawa mu hanya sekejap, kepura-puraan.
Sedarkah kamu ertinya diciptakan?


Apalah yang ada pada putaran hidup ini?
Di sini, sunguh aku telah belajar,
Biarlah saja roda berputar,
Biar ku di atas mahupun di dasar,
Bahagia bukan di tempat aku berlegar,
Bahagia itu berada di jalan dakwah,
Dalam tarbiyyah dan manisnya ukhuwah.
Dalam peningkatan iman, kekuatan sahsiah.
Wahai sahabat-sahabat perjuangan Newcastle,
Though I am nowhere near in the physical,
Know that we remain connected in the emotional.
I shall cherish all the memories we’ve had forever,
Some are sweet, some are bitter,
Some have faded to flashes of blurred colour,
But I shall wait for when we will reminisce on this together,
If not in my lifetime, I’ll pray, in the hereafter,
Insya Allah, I won’t forget you, not ever!


Hugs and kisses,

-Afiza Azmee-


6.40 a.m

Newcastle, Australia.

I waited

It’s been years. I waited and waited.

I toiled. I struggled. And I waited,

I tried, I cried. And I waited.

I fell, I bled. And I waited.

I plunged, I jumped; risked things. And I waited.

I smiled, I laughed. And I waited.

Gave up, gave in, get up again. And I waited.

 I waited for today;

The last day of medical school.

 Alhamdulillah. All praise belong to Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.

Thank You for the things I have learned,

for the stuff I have experienced,

all of them are good, quite perfect,

now that I am looking in retrospect.

What else can I say.

I had waited for 5 long grueling years for the arrival of this day.

And I found out finally, that today is just like any other day.

There will be new challenges and new struggles.

Tougher hurdles, double troubles.

Never stop, steady, constant, continuous.

For the next second, the next minute,

For the next heartbeat.

Until the breeze of my final breath escape my lips.

Kezaliman yang dahsyat

“Tahukah kamu siapakah orang yang muflis?” Jawab mereka: “Orang yang muflis dalam kalangan kami ialah sesiapa yang tiada dirham dan tiada harta”. Sabda baginda: “Orang yang muflis dalam umatku ialah sesiapa yang datang pada Hari Kiamat nanti bersama solat, puasa, zakat, juga dia pernah memaki seseorang, menuduh seseorang, memakan harta seseorang, menumpah darah seseorang dan memukul seseorang. Lalu diberikan kepada orang ini dan itu pahalanya. Jika pahala-pahalanya habis sebelum sempat dilangsaikan kesalahannya, maka diambil dosa-dosa mereka dicampakkan ke atasnya lantas dicampakkan dia ke dalam neraka” (Riwayat Muslim).


Kezaliman yang dahsyat adalah kezaliman si pemutar alam lagi lidah bercabang, lalu dia menghukum dengan sandiwara agama, walaupun inti katanya penuh dusta.

To these sort of person, I declare an open war!


Berani kamu memberi makna kepada makna kepada makna!

Imagine this scenario.

Encik A berkata “Mak cik, tak salah ambil kira pelbagai pandangan mazhab. Mereka bukan berbeza pendapat dengan perkara akidah. Hanya perkara2 cabang saja. Soal istinjak atau mandi jenazah tu perkara kecik saja. X payah bergaduh2. Apa yang berpecahnya? Kalau berpecah pun salah siapa? “


Mak cik itu membalas, “Kamu ni memang buta agama. Kamu cakap istinjak and mandi jenazah perkara kecik. Istinjak itu ada disebut di dalam Al-Quran. Kamu cakap ini perkara kecik; ini bermakna kamu tidak terima Al-Quran dan mempersendakan Al-Quran. Apabila kamu mempersendakan Al-Quran, ini bermakana kamu menidakkan ayat Al-Quran. Ini bermakna kamu telah murtad!”


Ish! Aku rasa orang paling bengap wal bahlul di dunia ini saja (read: terencat akal and developmental disorder tahap IQ tidak lepas number sepuluh)yang boleh salah tafsir ayat-ayat Encik A. Makcik itu yang memberi makna kepada kata-kata Encik A dan berdasarkan makna yang salah dan sangkaan buruk hati perut makcik yang busuk itu, dia memberi makna-makna dan tafsiran-tafsiran seterusnya, sehingga dia mampu membuat connection yang paling ridiculous untuk melihatkan seolah-olah kata-kata Encik A itu bersamaan dengan tidak menerima hukum-hakam Allah di dalam Al-Quran.


Banyak orang telah menjadi mangsa perangai-perangai puak ala khawarij ini:

Ambil contoh orang yang tak pakai tudung. Dikatanya. “Jika kamu tidak pakai tudung, ini bermakna kamu tidak menerima hukum Allah. Tidak menerima hukum Allah yang termaktub di dalam Al-Quran samalah seperti kamu tidak percaya kepada Al-Quran. Tidak percaya kepada Al-Quran samalah seperti kamu tidak percaya tentang kerasulan Nabi Muhammad yang telah menerima wahyu daripada Allah S.W.T. Islam apa kamu ni??”


Ramai orang yang suka-suki membuat persamaan dan makna-makna rekaan daripada kata-kata yang langsung tidak berkaitan. Bila kena dekat batang hidung aku, senang saja aku katakan.

“Kata-kata kamu ini menunjukkan kamu ni BODOH. Ini bermakna kamu tidak cukup belajar, membaca dan menuntut ilmu. Padahal suruhan membaca dan menuntut ilmu merupakan wahyu pertama yang diturunkan oleh Allah kepada nabi S.A.W. Ini bermakna kamu tidak melakukan suruhan Allah ke atas kamu. Ini bermakna kamu tidak menzahirkan iman kamu kepada ayat-ayat Allah. Ini samalah seperti kamu tidak beriman kepada Allah S.W.T.”


Well! You see, a lot of people can play this game! I can too. Don’t fight with me using this method because I am an expert! I learn to question and argue before I even learn how to do small talk! So, be warned!


The moral of the story is: Kalau kita nak memangsakan orang dengan memberi maksud kepada kata-katanya sehingga berantai-rantai menjadi sesuatu yang dahsyat, semua orang pun boleh buat! Bukanlah sesusah mana! Bezanya, adalah samada kita ada cukup iman dalam diri kita untuk menjadi hakim yang adil dalam membuat pengadilan dan pertimbangan. Bukan seperti si bahlul yang bercakap bagai diserang sawan.


Apabila kamu membuat ‘rantaian makna’ sebegitu: apakah maksud kamu? Apakah niat kamu? Apakah tujuan kamu?


Jika kamu hanya berniat menzahirkan kedunguan kamu, kamu telah berjaya beribu-ribu ganda. Atau mungkinkah kamu ini semula jadi berhati busuk seperti bangkai di jalan raya?



Kata-Saidina Ali kepada Puak Khawarij: “Kata-kata kamu benar, tetapi tujuan kamu batil.”

Petikan di bawah daripada ceramah Dr. MAZA:

Dalam sejarah pertelingkahan umat Islam kelompok yang paling kuat dan awal menggunakan isu agama untuk mengkafirkan orang Islam yang lain ialah Puak Khawarij.

Kelompok ini Nabi s.a.w sifatkan seperti berikut:

“..Seseorang kamu akan merasa lekeh solatnya dibandingkan solat mereka, merasa lekeh puasanya dibandingkan puasa mereka. Mereka membaca al-Quran, namun al-Quran itu tidak melebih halkum mereka. Mereka tersasar keluar dari agama seperti anak panah tersasar dari sasarannya..” (Riwayat al-Bukhari dan Muslim).

Inilah Khawarij yang kelihatan hebat dalam ibadah dan pidato agama mereka dengan menggunakan nas-nas al-Quran. Mereka mengkafirkan orang Islam yang melakukan maksiat, juga mengkafirkan orang Islam yang tidak mengikut kumpulan mereka.

Puak Khawarij ini mengangkat slogan: “Tidak ada hukum melainkan hukum Allah”. Slogan yang kelihatannya berteraskan al-Quran, tetapi dengan tujuan yang buruk. Kata Saidina Saidina ‘Ali bin Abi Talib kepada mereka: “Satu slogan yang benar, tetapi dengan tujuan yang batil”. (Al-Khatib al-Baghdadi, Tarikh Baghdad, 304/10, Beirut: Dar al-Kutub al-’Ilmiyyah).

Dengan slogan al-Quran “Sesiapa yang tidak berhukum dengan hukum Allah maka mereka itu orang-orang yang kafir” (Surah al-Maidah, ayat 44), maka mereka melancarkan kempen mengkafirkan dan memerangi orang Islam. Atas andaian yang tipis maka dengan mudah seseorang dijatuhkan hukuman murtad dan kafir.


Jika aku terkena dengan org macam ini, aku tidak mudah melatah. Ianya lebih kepada rasa marah, kerana wujudnya orang-orang yang sebegini bodoh tahap pemikirannya. Kira nak jatuhkan hukuman semata-mata…tujuannya lebih kepada mahu dirinya nampak beragama; bukan kerana hendak memberikan orang lain petunjuk agama. Bila dia menuduh orang yang bukan-bukan, dia merasakan dirinya lebih hebat dan pandai.


Nasib baik setakat ini aku cuma terjumpa orang2 macam ni di alam maya dalam blog saja. Beberapa posts yang lepas (aku harap mereka-mereka yang gila tidak datang lagi ke blog ini) ada komen mereka yang aku tidak delete sebagai contoh akan kebodohan mereka dalam menggunakan akal mereka. Malah, ada kata-kata mereka yang begitu jahat kedengarannya sehingga menyebabkan aku membuat keputusan hanya untuk publish komen setelah aku dah tapis seelok-eloknya.


I declared war to rough-mannered people in the world. That includes swearing of any kind as well as disrespectful manners of giving opinion. I don’t tolerate hostility in my blog. It’s my blog, it’s my rule.


I have forgiven them, though.

I can’t possibly hold a grudge towards someone who is so wretchedly idiotic, to the point of being pathetic.