#PaluSulawesi Reflection: A Spiritual Journey

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Flying for #Palu #Sulawesi. The view from the window of my flight journey towards humanity.

There are times when I sit back, to wonder and reflect on what I have done to deserve so much blessings in my life. Whenever I feel like life has become a little too mundane, a little too predictable or a little too comfortable (until I could feel my soul withering away in the midst of the same repetitive routine) God will send me a new experience to waken up my soul and rejuvenate my spirit. He didn’t let me continue being heedless and ignorant, comfortable in what little, insignificant things I have done in this life. He guided me to search for something MORE in life that would make my existence meaningful again… colourful again… hopeful again.

 

If God were to let me continue being the old me without any wonderful experience for personal and spiritual growth, I don’t know where I would be at this moment. Perhaps, I would be bored and disillusioned with life by now. But Alhamdulillah, every now and then He would send me to a #life #BootCamp to beat the disillusionment out of my soul and thrash the cynicism out of my heart.

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The Sierra Delta Team!

Relief Mission: Imaret4Sulawesi

I believe that the year 2018 is my year for volunteerism. And it so happens that 2018 was not my exam year (unlike the two previous years) and I could devote more time on social issues that I believe in. (God has perfect timing and perfect planning in the timeline he has created for the plot in my life story. Thank You, God.)

 

I volunteered to be a PACA in April/May 2018. I remember how MUCH I learned just by mingling with people of different background than me. Just by being involved in the process of election, I gained a lot of insight regarding the political arena in our country. Those are the knowledge I could not get simply by doing my favourite pastime of reading. Though it pains me to say this, I must admit that reading is not ALWAYS enough (I stupidly used to feel like I can pick up any book to learn on any subject without having to get out of my house. LOL). Reading only provides you a certain level of intellectual insight on any particular subject but it would not provide you with emotional insight, nuances, perspectives, reflections and most importantly #SpiritualGrowth and #PersonalMaturity which you can only gain by being in the field. It doesn’t even BEGIN to compare! Deductive learning (by reading) is great…. but inductive learning (experience in the field) is almost always superior!

 

When the news of earthquake and tsunami in Palu hit the media, I was devastated by the heartbreaking destruction and the numbers of life lost. My friend and I registered our names to several NGOs to volunteer to help, either as a medical/psychological team or just general aspect of volunteerism (food and basic needs distribution/cleaning crews / setting up tents). At last after 3 weeks of waiting with no response by any NGO, IMARET answered our application to volunteer as part of a medical team in which our tasks would include giving general health service as well as #PsychologicalFirstAid (PFA) to survivors. I can still recall how ecstatic me and Dr. H were to be called upon to serve in this relief mission by IMARET. Thank you, IMARET for giving us this opportunity to experience relief mission abroad. It was an experience of a lifetime that will never be forgotten, Insya Allah.

 

IMARET has slowly but surely gaining recognition for all their good humanitarian works which had first begun in December 2014. Just recently, IMARET had received the Iskandar Malaysia Social Hero Awards (IMSHA) in the category of Disaster Relief NGO. The IMARET tagline of “Charity Begins with You” conveys the principle that ANYONE can contribute to humanity in whatever capacity we can. There are many categories of volunteerism including arts, social services, health services, community empowerment, public safety, environmental protection, and disaster relief. If you are not a doctor but you are passionate about the environment for example, then join the relevant NGOs like Environmental Protection Society Malaysia or Malaysian Nature Society.

 

Personally, as a doctor, I joined MERCY, Islamic Relief and IMARET as platforms for my volunteerism. But I also joined other NGOs related to writing/arts. There is always something you can contribute to the society regardless of your career or your lifestyle. You just need to find it and take the leap. (For someone who is very skeptical to join any organization unnecessarily, I am all in when it comes to organizations involving volunteerism. I am not even a member of Malaysian Medical Association (MMA), see? But when it comes to volunteerism, I would join without a second thought.)

 

Let me share with my readers a certain insight I gained a few years ago about life. Most people think that volunteers are very altruistic and noble-hearted, who do all these charity because of the nature of their good hearts. While I am sure that those are, of course, true, to a certain extent, but it doesn’t explain the whole picture. As a psychiatry MO, I believe that behavior is sustained when it is rewarded. I don’t think of myself as kind, altruistic or noble by any stretch of the imagination (hahah! Really! Those who knew me KNEW that Afiza garang… mana ada dia nak baik hati tak pasal-pasal. Soft-spoken pun tidak. Mother Theresa jauh sekali bagai langit dengan bumi. Haha). But I volunteered anyway because the act in itself is rewarding to me. I have my own selfish reason for volunteering. For example, I gained immense satisfaction, pleasure and euphoria when I witnessed the previous government was brought down and replaced by PH when I volunteered to become a PACA. I volunteered then not because I was so noble… but because I was so angry and because I had things in life I cared about and I wanted to champion those issues! Not really because I was that good, or that nice or that altruistic who would sacrifice all pleasures in life for the sake of others. I am too practical and too realistic to ever achieve the kind of nobility and altruism that are usually associated with volunteerism. Seriously, Mother Theresa, I am NOT.

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This is the truth! You gain more than you give every time you decide to do something charitable. It is like Sunnahtullah!

So why did I volunteer to go to #PaluSulawesi recently? Again, not because I was that self-sacrificing or that altruistic with no self-interest whatsoever. Volunteering is addictive, you see. I did it FOR MYSELF! I did it for the experience it would give me. I did it for the knowledge and the wisdom I could gain. I did it to know how people cope with trauma and to experience the effect of their resilience on my own soul. It cleansed me in ways I could not even properly describe and explain. It must be experienced and felt. And that’s why I encourage all my readers to volunteer for a cause that you guys truly believe in… experience that feeling and that emotion first… go inductive… and come back and tell me whether or not you can describe yourself as altruistic when you decide to volunteer again and again and again. Once you have tasted it, you would KNOW that you volunteer for YOU! For the benefit that it gives YOU! For the wisdom and insight it gives YOU! Things you can never get by staying home and doing the same old thing over and over again. So, volunteerism actually benefits YOU! That’s the reward that sustains the behaviour. Really, for your own private reasons, you actually volunteer for yourself MOSTLY… not just for others!

 

So yeah, I volunteered to Palu because I remember how it had felt while volunteering previously… and I wanted to experience the emotional fulfilment and the cleansing of the soul and the mindful reflection that would come with the experience. Those are the rewards I gain by my volunteering. See? As I said, behavior is sustained when it is rewarded. The Sunnahtullah is such that charity benefits the giver more than the receiver. And that’s the truth.

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Hanging out with teachers!
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PFA with kids!
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Kids saying goodbye to me!

The Wonderful Colours Of Diversity

In this mission, I have met a journalist and a full-time Humanitarian worker. It was great to get to know people of different career background than me. For the first time in many years, I made non-doctor friends with whom I can hit it off immediately.

 

Usually, it would be quite difficult for me to feel at ease with people who did not have any common ground with me. Because, really… what would we talk about? I am not really a people person. When I talk to someone, there must be a reason for that communication to happen. I don’t seek interaction just for the sake of interacting… it would not be enjoyable to me.

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Arrival at Jakarta Airport. First day kenal team mates.
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In Palu Airport. Last Day of mission.
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With Dr. J at Puskesmas Nokilalaki.
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With BSMI team!
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The boys having fun at kolam air panas after a hard day of work.
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How we had our dinner every day.

 

But while being on a mission when you have to share the same limited space in the car for hours to reach a very deserted area where all the unmet needs are, you get to know each other better. You get to know their habits, their life philosophy, what makes them tick…. those are points of learning you wouldn’t get by interacting with people of the same background. Nothing challenges your preconceived ideas more than when you had to hang out with someone of a different background than yours. And boy… we had numerous conversations that challenged each others’s preconceived ideas and belief system. It was heated but it was fun. We didn’t always agree with each other but we reflected on each other’s points and it opened up our minds.

I guess, in that 10 days I felt young and youthful again. We could even argue over songs and lyrics played on the radio in the car… thinking that each other’s interpretation was somehow less accurate than our own. Haha. It was silly but still it was intellectually stimulating… a conversation I haven’t had with many people since I joined medical school.

When I was in MRSM Langkawi, my friends were those who wrote poetries, composed short stories and read literatures. We talked about books all the time. We talked about social issues and politics even when we were just secondary school students. My ambition then was to be a lawyer or a writer or a journalist…. things involving social sciences rather than pure sciences. But alas, my scholarship was in medicine and nowadays I found myself surrounded by people who are mostly clinical rather than creative. I still read and write…. But I no longer have the same type of friends who share my interest and with whom I can talk about books and social or political issues that used to fire my soul when I was younger. (One of the reason I fought so hard to get into psychiatry was because this field has the closest resemblance to social sciences compared to other specialties).

I guess, for that short 10 days I felt young because I was learning and absorbing knowledge like a new baby being thrusted into the world for the first time. Just like a baby whose world shifted from that of the mother’s womb to that of the planet earth, MY world shifted from the cocoon of all that is medicine to the larger concept of what humanitarian is all about. THAT is the difference between volunteering in an NGO than in MOH… you get a taste of a different flavor. A forgotten flavor that I used to taste and now fully remember. And it was refreshing.

When you hang out with a journalist or a humanitarian worker, they told you of their experiences covering news and volunteering in war zones. The conversation was new, novel and interesting. They told you stuff that you only read from your thriller novels all these while… of international intelligence network, of humanitarian issues, of battles and conflicts that you could only see on TV.

They taught me and Dr. H the concept of having a ‘grab bag’. They said that as non-civilians, their grab bags are something that would always be with them wherever they go. They have been trained that way…to always be ready to run and leave everything behind with only their grab bag in hand. Since then, me and Dr. H created our own grab bag… a much simpler version of their own grab bags. Ours only contained our purse, phone and passports. Theirs contained money, phone or any other mode of communication, passports, laptop or any gadget required for them to complete their mission, change of clothes and survival necessities (water/ simple energizing food).

Listening to their stories, looking at their inspiring Instagram pictures of all their previous missions… I felt a certain amount of poignancy and nostalgia. Suddenly, the poem ‘The Road Not Taken’ by Robert Frost knocked my mind. I wondered then, how my life would be if I had said no to my medicine scholarship.

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With the journalist (the one in a yellow scarf). He wrote about #PsychologicalFirstAid and submitted his article in Kosmo. Our names were mentioned in his article as part of the PFA team bringing Upin Ipin into Sulawesi. We were so excited when we read his article. Haha!
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My facebook status… telling all my facebook friends that my name was mentioned in Kosmo. hahaha. Childish, MUCH?

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This is a screenshot of the particular part of the Kosmo article where my name and the names of my teammates were mentioned. We all couldn’t stop gushing over the article 😀 and we thanked the journalist profusely LOL.

People Who Touched Your Heart

And then there were the survivors… fellow human beings who touched your heart with their beautiful resilience and amazing coping mechanism.

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At Puskesmas Nokilalaki with Ibu Muznah and my team mates.

We met survivors who had continued working at Puskesmas (Pusat Kesihatan Masyarakat) while dealing with their own loss and grief. Their welcoming smiles totally warmed my heart. It embarrassed me when they thanked me over something that I felt so small and insignificant. We were at Puskesmas seeing cases in the general clinic and never expected to be given lunch or anything. We brought our own breakfast bars for lunch. But look at what they provided for us every day we were there! Great yummy lunch that we never expected to get while on a mission! We felt like our own small effort is nothing compared to their own acceptance of our presence. It was a truly humbling experience. It is amazing how you can develop closeness quite effortlessly but deeply just because all of you have the same mission and the same goal!

 

 

In that 10 days in Palu, there were times when I surprised myself by thinking “Now, I know why relationship is important. Why networking is vital in a mission! It makes your work process so much easier!” I used to feel like “I can sacrifice relationship over my version of truth, my principles and what I believe as right. You either follow me or you don’t. But I am gonna do it and there is nothing you can do to stop me!” I am even like that with my own parents and my family… and they have learned to accept that part of me so selflessly all these years and I never thought a thing about it. I took it all for granted. To a certain extent, I STILL believe that truth and justice should always trump everything else in life. But these days, I started thinking that maybe there are ways I can have my principles/truth/justice and still maintain heartwarming relationships with people and mind their feelings a little bit. Well, I don’t know. Cognitive dissonance is hard to detangle.

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At Puskesmas Banpres with the staff!
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One last picture on our last day at Puskesmas Banpres

And the kids! They were entertained by the simplest of things. It was so easy to coax laughter out of them. Look, I am not great with kids, in general. I am not entertaining enough and I don’t know how to act all adorable and silly with kids. I mean… heck, I am a serious person most of the time. My jovial side can only be accessed by someone I am already close to and even then, I am not all that humorous, LOL. But when you are on a mission, you have no choice but to strengthen your free-traits and put aside your biogenic traits for awhile. So that’s what I did. Performing and conducting one class full of kids every day are hard work, guys! At the end of each session…. I was drained and exhausted. But it was a good kind of exhaustion! The best kind!

 

Theme Song

Towards the end of our mission, we the Sierra Delta group members (the 4th group sent by IMARET to Sulawesi) had experienced hardships and joy, tears and laughter, quarrels and reconciliation. I would say, we knew each other’s characters and annoying habits quite well at the end. Hahaha. (I know, I can be annoying. LOL. Tabik spring to them for their kind tolerance).

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Our last meal in Indonesia at Jakarta Airport.We left Palu bringing back beautifully poignant memories. 

After all our numerous daily talk and conversation about songs, one of my group members could already predict what sort of songs I would like or dislike. One day, he just told me to find this particular song on YOU TUBE that he was sure would be my type of song. I was very skeptical about it initially. But I clicked on the song anyway for the whole Sierra Delta group to listen to. And what a surprise… I was immediately in love with that song. The title of the song is Menimbang Rasa by an Indonesian singer, Oslan Hussein.  I was so amazed that he could predict my taste in songs so well! Haha.

We played that song while being on a journey to various deserted areas to conduct PFA sessions and I have come to think of that song as a theme song of our experience in Palu Sulawesi. Our group song!

Until now, I keep putting the song on repeat. Haha. This is what I call as  #CannotMoveOnSyndrome. 

Have a listen and let me know if you love the song like I do. 😉

I end my reflection of my experience in #PaluSulawesi here, my dear readers.  Until next time, I remain, your humble blogger.

P/S:

My next post would InsyaAllah be on the details of the actual mission itself. And there were a lot of details to write about but it would be too cramped to share everything in one post. So if you are interested in humanitarian mission and would like to know the mental and physical preparation required, the actual work involved and everything else, stay tuned!

Bullying of HOs: My Rebuttals

 

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Disclaimer:

The article below originated from my Facebook post (or rants, hahha) which I had published on the 30th of September 2018. In my own defense, I was provoked into writing all these… by various people in my newsfeed who seemed to be confused on what exactly the real issue was. I was also provoked by one specialist (in another field, from another department of another hospital) who had Whatsapped me about what I had written regarding HO issues in the past. It really made me feel like, “Ugh, you guys are soooo skewed! I must write even more regarding HO issues if this is the level of confusion and misunderstanding that the medical society is labouring under”. And of course I never let any provocation go unanswered, especially if I believe I am right. I made my point across to the specialist in our Whatsapp messages. In the end of the day, we never reached any agreement. (The specialist shouldn’t have whatsapped me…she gave me even MORE provocation, ideas and incentive to write. LOL! Sorry, you silap besar if you think I will stop writing just because you Whatsapped me. Nothing personal… I am just that way; I will defend what I believe as right. And I have been consistent in championing HO issues since I was a houseman… ni bukan benda baru for me. It just so happens that you have different goals than me. Sorry.)

Imagine my surprise when what I had written below got moderate amount of shares and quite a lot of likes in Facebook. It wasn’t viral or anything (Just 61 shares and around 180 likes; but that is STILL quite unusual for me laaa. I am a nobody and I don’t even have that much followers in the social media. I screened all friend requests quite strictly). But it gave me hope that there are many SILENT SUPPORTERS of HO issues, who also think and believe the way I think and believe, but they are simply too tired to speak up or fight all these while. So I have decided to transfer the content of my facebook post into this blog  for easier access in the future (as part of my personal archive). In the future, should I encounter anymore asinine and arrogant remarks about HOs, I can simply copy-paste the relevant content from this post and rebut the issue without having to think too much. 

The truth is, had I known that people would be sharing this Facebook post in this manner, I would probably make more effort to write with a little bit more sophistication. As you can see, the post below is not in my usual style… there is just too much of a mixture between Malay and English, making the tatabahasa and grammar not exactly all that splendid. But I guess, my facebook status wasn’t shared because of its language or literary merit hahha… but because of the truth of the content. When you say things sincerely and truthfully, it will get through to people, Insya Allah. I believe that MOST people feel the same way that I did, but they may not have the energy to rant like I did. Haha. That’s why when I finally lose my patience and wrote all these on Facebook, people liked and shared this. It was surprising to me too, to be honest.

Please understand that I am NOT condoning lazy/MIA/irresponsible housemen. I am just opposed to BULLYING!

THAT is the issue. Please FOCUS!

****

FACEBOOK POST ON The 30th OF SEPTEMBER 2018 

Kita cakap isu BULI. Siapakah yang begitu ‘sick-minded’ yang cuba condone isu buli ni? Isu buli ini melangkaui isu “assobiyah department” atau “solidariti untuk nama baik hospital kami” atau “gang kementerian kami”.

Siapa-siapa sahaja TIDAK PATUT dibuli di MANA-MANA tempat sekali pun.

Dan saya berasa sangat pelik dengan golongan yang cuba menangguk di air keruh apabila isu HO ni tengah flare up. Ada yang tiba-tiba nak share pasal Housemanship dia dulu “enjoy”. Ada yang tiba-tiba nak cakap “Eh, aku dulu ok ja time HO.” Ada yang cuba menidakkan BULI yang berlaku dengan menyatakan “Eh, takkanlah tak ada specialist yang baik? Eh takkanlah tak ada MO yang best? Eh takkanlah tak ada posting yang best? Ke awak yang berperwatakan negatif?”

JOKE!!

***

Bayangkan ini sekolah dan seorang murid menyatakan yang dia kena buli atau diliwat oleh gurunya atau seniornya.

Adakah RELEVAN dan “MAKE SENSE” untuk seseorang menyatakan:

1)”Eh, sekolah aku tak ada isu buli pun.” (sama macam orang yang menyatakan hospital aku ok ja.)
-Itu sekolah kau! Bukan sekolah dia.Tak relevan!

2) “Eh aku ok ja. Tak kena liwat pun dengan guru/senior. Mungkin kau ja yang tak reti lawan.” (sama seperti golongan yang menyatakan HO tu yang lembik).
-Kau rasa pembuli ada masa ke untuk buli semua orang kat sekolah tu? Pembuli, by characteristic, memang pengecut dan akan buli orang yang lebih lemah sahaja. Just because pembuli tak buli kau, doesn’t mean kau patut condone bullying tu dengan kata-kata yang tak relevan seperti itu.

3) “Eh takkanlah tak ada guru/senior yang baik langsung dalam sekolah tu? Kenapa kamu nak fokus kat pembuli tu saja?” (sama macam golongan yang mengatakan “Takkanlah tak ada specialist/MO yang baik?”)
– Inilah statement yang paling KELAKAR kalau ia tidak TERLALU PATHETIC. Memang nampak sangat kau tak faham isu. Pembuli walaupun SATU, masih NOT JUSTIFIED untuk ia berlaku. Sebab orang lain hanya memandang dan tidak halang pembulian itu berlaku! Sebab itu ia berlaku kepada mangsa itu in the first place! Please think!
-Kalau isunya adalah tribute to good specialists, yes, I will create a long article to do so. Nak buat karangan, isinya kena ikut tajuklah kan? Tapi kalau tajuknya adalah pembulian, apa hal pula aku nak bawa masuk isi tak relevan ni? I don’t understand how you utilize your mind!

4)”Eh, aku pun sekolah tu juga. Tapi aku berjaya saja habiskan syllabus sampai darjah enam. Kawan aku tu pula dengan accident dan patah kaki… tapi semangat dia kuat untuk habiskan belajar.”
-Baguslah anda habiskan syllabus anda walaupun anda accident patah riuk dan patah kaki. STILL!! Tak relevan! Korang memang tak faham isu ek? Pelajar patah kaki/tangan/ribs kerana ACCIDENT memang kebanyakannya habis study! So what?? Mangsa BULI walaupun TIDAK PATAH JARI ramai yang berhenti daripada sekolah! School refusal disebabkan BULI adalah COMMON! Seriously… what were you thinking when you posted about how seorang HO yang accident pun boleh complete housemanship? What are you trying to say? Yang selagi tak patah kaki, orang kena buli patut swallow the bullying as a norm? What EXACTLY are you propagating here?

5) “Kenapa aku tak kena liwat dan tak kena buli pun? Senior tu ok ja dengan aku.” (aku baik ja dengan specialist/MO tu. Aku tak kena buli pun.)
– Pembuli pun ada geng dan kawan-kawan dia. Dia tak buli kau tapi dia buli orang lain! What are you trying to say? Yang kau ni hebat sebab kau tak kena dengan dia dan boleh geng dengan dia? heh??

6) “Dia kenalah tough. Dia kena lawan balik.”
-Ya Allah! Tahukah anda isu buli di sekolah hanya berlaku kepada golongan yang memang ada ‘vulnerability’. Kanak-kanak autisme senang dibuli. Kanak-kanak ADHD akan dipulaukan! Kanak-kanak yang fizikalnya berbeza akan diejek-ejek. Kamu tough, good for you! Tapi itu tak bermakna kamu berlaku adil ketika kamu menidakkan kejadian buli yang berlaku kepada orang lain.
-Dan kalau semua orang perangai macam aku yang akan balas balik semua kata-kata, yang akan lawan semula dan tak akan berhenti melawan balik, memanglah pembuli pun akan stop buli. That is not the issue kan?!
-The issue is: Adakah kalau orang itu lemah, it is justified untuk kita PIJAK mereka? THAT is the issue! Get it?

***

Since ramai pula yang nak menangguk di air keruh untuk share their housemanship days to show “how tough I was.” dan siap nak buat tribute to my good MOs/Specialist:

Let me tell you this. Memang ramai MOs dan specialist yang baik. Just like ramai cikgu-cikgu di sekolah yang baik. Tapi itu TIDAK JUSTIFY untuk kita kata pembulian tidak berlaku atau patut dihalalkan. NOT JUSTIFIED. Pembulian yang berlaku walaupun hanya SEKALI dan terhadap hanya SATU MANGSA yang dilakukan oleh SATU PREDATOR, masih tidak justified!

Faham tak isu?

Kepada yang bertanya, pasal posting yang best-best: Dengar sini! Isu itu tidak relevan dan sebab itu aku tak fokus pasal tu. But since you asked, let me be really honest and clear about this in a general way:

Untuk KEBANYAKAN HOs, diorang boleh rasa okey dalam SEMUA POSTING kecuali mereka punya FIRST POSTING.

Kenapa? Sebab sewaktu mereka first posting mereka paling vulnerable. Dan macam yang saya sudah nyatakan, orang paling senang kena buli apabila mereka ada ‘vulnerability’. Pada waktu itu mereka masih lambat, masih nak belajar sistem, masih nak kena belajar macam mana nak review patient. Mereka tidak kisah ditegur tapi bukan diherdik.

You boleh katakan kepada seorang HO “Adik, kenapa you tulis lambat sangat ni? You tak dengar ke plan yang I cakap tadi? Potong ni. Tulis semula.” Kata-kata sebegini, is totally a fair admonishment, in my opinion. Ini okey! Semua orang yang reasonable can still accept this.

TETAPI!! Ia adalah membuli apabila you menjerit-jerit di wad dan menyatakan “Adik!! You ni otak lembab dah ada Alzheimer ke? Ke you ni PEKAK? I cakap apa tadi? You tulis apa ni! Lembap!” sambil ketuk meja (atau ketuk kepala?)

Beza kan?

Aku memang seorang yang tegas dan outspoken! Tapi I treat everyone equally regardless of their position. Aku bukan tegas mempertahankan pendapat hanya dengan orang bawahan (dengan orang atasan pun aku behave the same way). Unlike pembuli, I am not a coward who pick and choose ONLY vulnerable victims. When I have things I want to say, I say it exactly the same way to every one. Because I know that should anyone try to oppress my rights, NEGARA KITA ADA UNDANG-UNDANG.

Dan percayalah cakap aku yang KEBANYAKAN HOs akan enjoy diorang punya 4th, 5th and 6th posting. Sebab mereka sudah tidak vulnerable pada waktu itu. Jadi jika kamu masuk posting tertentu dan kamu kata kamu enjoy posting itu (seolah-olah nak menidakkan yang posting itu telah membuli first posters lain yang vulnerable), kamu memang tidak faham isu. Sedih!

Aku pun boleh cakap aku enjoy this posting or that posting. Tapi apakah relevannya untuk aku menyatakan kepada orang yang tengah dibuli di posting itu yang “aku dulu enjoy posting tu.” Adakah aku nak tunjuk aku tough… padahal I was only lucky because when I was in that posting, I was already a senior and had been familiar with the system and had known perfectly well how to defend myself.

But since you have asked, I will let you know that I enjoyed other postings too but OF COURSE I enjoyed ED the most…. I was a 6th poster at that time. But as I said, it is NOT RELEVANT.

***

Kepada yang menyatakan “Tapi ada HO malas. Ada HO MIA. Ada HO yang EL.”

Sama juga. Ada pelajar yang malas di sekolah/ pelajar nakal/ pelajar tak buat kerja sekolah. Takkan cikgu tu justified kalau dia TAMPAR atau LIWAT murid tu?? Use your mind when you talk!

Let the system flush them out! Kenapa pula kamu nak tolong jadi tukang samseng nak mengubah mereka? Terminatelah HO tu. Go through the channel and the system. Tak payah pun nak herdik atau nak buli mereka. Let the system deal with them.

Ada yang pandai cakap yang bila kita mahu complain, sila go through the channel. Jadi, jika kamu pun tak puas hati dengan HO punya performance, please go through the system and the channel. Jangan condone maki dan buli in the name of HO training!

***

Kepada yang mempersoalkan kenapa sesetengah orang tidak mahu join cara lain untuk mengubah keadaan. Kenapa tak join MMA and so on and so forth. Kenapa nak kena cakap dalam Facebook… welll…

I have written a blog post about it. Here is the link:

https://afizaazmee.wordpress.com/…/the-plot-from-the-maste…/

Kalau berminat boleh baca di situ… tapi saya rasa tak perlu ulas panjang benda ni di sini.

***

Adakah kamu berfikir dengan ‘share positive vibes’ atau ‘share orang lain punya pengalaman yang accident patah riuk tapi survive housemanship’ menyebabkan orang lain akan rasa pembulian ni ok? Kalau itu yang kamu fikir, kamu silap besar.

The more you do this, the more people will be angry! And the more they will fight and the more they will reveal. Seriously… jangan cuba condone bullying dengan isu-isu yang tidak relevan. Kamu hanya akan menyebabkan aku dan orang-orang macam aku menjadi lebih marah, lebih outspoken dan lebih menentang.

Jika kamu seorang yang ‘tough, outspoken, berani melawan’ gunakannya untuk protect orang lain. Bukan untuk bangga diri sendiri dah lepas.

Seseorang yang dibuli BERHAK untuk menuntut keadilan. Bukan tempat kamu untuk suruh dia redha. Redha itu hak dia dan dia boleh buat jika dia nak. Tapi jika dia tak nak, itu HAK dia.

Dan TANGGUNGJAWAB kita untuk memberikan keadilan kepadanya.

***

And I love this quote that Nurhafizoh Hussin had reminded me of:

“There are 3 things that cannot be long hidden : the sun,the moon and the truth”

***

Nota Kaki:
I have NO CONFLICT OF INTEREST in writing this. I am just a lowly MO in a department who I know has never bullied anyone. I am not a houseman yang dapat benefit dari apa yang aku tulis. Dan aku bukan houseman yang perlu membodek-bodek untuk survive. So aku tidak rasa ada keperluan untuk share how much I “enjoy” this posting or that posting (bukan sebab aku tak enjoy, tapi sebab ianya TAK RELEVAN dalam isu bullying). Aku pun bukan pakar-pakar yang risau nama department tertentu terjejas ke apa ke. Dan aku bukan pengarah hospital mana-mana nak kena jaga nama hospital.

So, I have NO CONFLICT OF INTEREST in writing this. My interest has always been in upholding social justice! When it comes to universal values of justice, EVERYONE should fight for it regardless of who they are in the society and what they are working as. Tolong jadi objektif.

Ini isu BULI.

Ia boleh berlaku di mana-mana tempat dan kepada ANAK ANDA SENDIRI di sekolah-sekolah. Fight on issues. Jangan ingat semua benda adalah tentang kamu atau department kamu atau hospital kamu atau kementerian kamu. It is time to say #NOtoBullying

I rest my case.

 

-THE END OF FACEBOOK POST-

***

keep-calm-but-this-girl-is-on-fire-1

See how MUCH I ranted on Facebook that day!Haha. I didn’t think anyone would even care that much to share this. I was pleasantly surprised when many people actually agree with me…  they are the silent majority. If this small effort of mine can create just a slight ripple effect in championing HO issues, then I am more than satisfied. Alhamdulillah! My objective is to create awareness among our medical society to say #NOtoBULLYING.

I want them to be CLEAR-MINDED on what the issue really is. Just because we DO NOT CONDONE BULLYING does NOT mean that we condone our HOs to be slackers!

I couldn’t tolerate slackers myself! I will totally ‘bambu’ orang yang tak buat kerja properly! I will call out on orang yang nak mengelat! If I ever become a HOD, I will say to the slacker in my department: “If you want to be in my department, you better buck up. I am willing to guide you on what you have to improve, but I am going to watch and see whether or not you take note and act on my guidance.” I will state my point precisely without shouting, maki or buli. I will be VERY FIRM. Slackers know that they cannot get away doing cincai work with me (but most of the time, I prefer working alone, anyway). I have spoken up against people who like to ‘mengelat kerja’… there are plenty of lazy people like that in any department, even in my own! Semua department sama saja. Ada orang yang suka tolak kerja; ada orang yang suka tolak tengok kes, ada yang suka tolak giliran kerja/presentation/audit. When their behaviour affects me or my friends, memang diorang akan kena dengan aku! I will totally speak up and point out that you are a slacker and you better do your work properly without troubling others!

When you do your work, please try to do it right! You can make mistake, but admit that mistake and improve! Jangan cuba defend your mistake/laziness/slacking with ‘ayat-ayat agama’ or alasan-alasan tidak munasabah untuk tolak kerja kepada orang lain. Dan aku akan lagi bengang bila aku dah point out your slacking, tetapi kau berani suruh aku ‘sabar or relax’! Huh? THAT will totally push my red button and I will breathe fire and vomit inferno. So, be warned.

dragon breathe fire
My Red Button: people using religious image or religious justification to cover up their own shortcomings! You will witness my dramatic transformation into a fire-breathing dragon. Haha.

I am very objective. I don’t condone HOs being bullied. But if the HOs in my department are consistently poor in their performance, I will personally make it my life mission to remove those HOs out of my department if I were the HOD or the specialist. Even as an MO, HOs know that they cannot take advantage of my kindness because I am quite firm in what I want them to do without ever having to raise my voice. I am not what one would describe as nice or soft spoken…. but I am fair. And when I have things to say, I will say it to you regardless of whether you are a HO/MO/specialist/consultant. I will say it because it is the truth, as I see it. So if you disagree with me, you can rebut me… I  welcome the opportunity to see things from your perspective. But what I will NOT do is LIE or ‘BODEK’, pretending that I agree with your opinion just because you are a specialist/consultant/pengarah hospital or whatever. Everyone is entitled to their opinion regardless of who they are in the society.  And we should celebrate that.

I have no personal interest in you as a person…. you can be anyone…. but if injustice happens to you and you seek my help, I will be with you when you fight. I believe it is my responsibility to help you if I know you have been subjected to unfair treatment or abuse. ANY decent human being should help an oppressed person. That is everybody’s responsibility in the society.

But if YOU are the source of injustice, even if you are my friend, I will speak up against you. #SorryNotSorry 

So, I know how some of my Facebook friends might feel when they read my facebook status (because some of them were the ones yang tiba-tiba nak share how tough they were as a houseman. Padahal aku pernah HO dengan kau… kau tak hebat mana pun. Kau pun sama-sama kutuk MO/specialist kat pantry…. tiba-tiba kau boleh pula buat-buat lupa, nak bodek-bodek, nak buat tribute to good MOs and specialist apabila orang tengah cakap isu buli! What exactly was your intention?? Macamlah kau dulu tak pernah marah dengan specialist/MOs yang buli kau. Apahal tiba-tiba kau nak hipokrit ni?! Ah, I just can’t stand hypocrisy… especially when it is sprinkled with kata-kata budget alim. Haih… *shakes head*)

At the end of the day, my FIRST loyalty is to my principle. Other things are always secondary. Respect my principles…  then we can be friends. Otherwise, I am more than happy to not associate myself with you. I have other friends with similar goals, similar principles and similar ethics. If you are wrong, you are wrong! I will call you out on it… nothing personal. But if you take it personally, we can go our separate ways. Obviously, we are not meant to sit on the same table because we have different goals and different objectives.

I don’t really mind.

#ToYouIsYourWay

#ToMeIsMine

The Plot From The Master Storyteller

You guys know that I love reading. The plot is important. But so do characters and characterization. Even with a good plot, having boring characters would fail to launch the plot into a beautiful story.

Allah is the Master Storyteller of this universe. For each of us, we have been given our own characterizations. There is a grand plot for the world (the beginning started when Adam and Eve came down to earth, and the first exciting conflict in the grand plot began when Abel and Cain fought one another, and then life went on for many millennia with battles and wars and great flood, and the rise and fall of great kingdoms, the rise and falls of civilizations, the failure and success of various propagandas and ideologies, ….all these might continue for thousand of years to come…until finally, the earth is destroyed on the day of apocalypse).

But God has also created for each of us our own plots that serve as micro-plots that would fill up the general progress of the grand plot. Micro-plots and micro-characters like us are needed to launch the grand plot. And sometimes these plots of ours will intersect, interconnect or interact in some beautiful (or nasty) ways. Our characters will have to learn to live with one another, or love one another or hate one another. Or simply indifferent to one another.

Or maybe…God has designed for us to never come across one another ever in this life.

But the main point is : We all have our own plot. We all have our own purpose in this life. We all sometimes may be at cross-purposes with one another, creating tension and conflicts at various points in our lives. But at the end of our plot, we will understand why things happened the way they had.

***

Gretchen Rubin
Disclaimer: I have not read this book fully. But when I read on the four tendencies concept briefly, I kind of get what the author was trying to convey

According to Gretchen Rubin in her book “The Four Tendencies”, when it comes to societal interaction and expectation, there are FOUR indispensable types of personality profiles that can be found and they are all important in the society. These four are called Upholder, Obliger, Questioner and Rebel. Each of them can be good, valuable, and necessary in the society. But each of them can also be bad and troublesome… but VERY MUCH indispensable.

We need ALL FOUR TYPES to make up a balanced society. Whether each of the character types are good or bad or neutral depends on the context and the plot that is involved or laid out to you.

In my opinion, I fall into the category of questioner (ehem, with some rebellious tendency).

In short, the concept of the four tendencies is simply described as below:

1)Upholder will meet outer expectations and meet inner expectations

2) Obliger will meet outer expectations and resist inner expectations.

3) Questioner will resist outer expectation and meet inner expectation.

4) Rebel will resist outer expectation and resist inner expectation

upholder obliger

***

Upholder

Kita mungkin terfikir bahawa menjadi ‘upholder of values’ adalah sesuatu yang baik. Walaubagaimanapun, ini bergantung kepada konteks dan keadaan. Sekiranya beliau berada di kalangan pembuli yang majoritinya mempunyai norma moral membuli, maka beliau akan berkeras mempertahankan tradisi membuli itu. Contohnya, beliau mungkin akan mengatakan “Ah, setiap tahun kita sambut juniors dengan ragging. Biasalah. Dulu kita kena lagi teruk kot. Tradisi ni menyebabkan kita lagi tough duduk asrama. Inilah caranya kita baik dengan senior dan kenal dengan senior. Aku dulu enjoy ja orientasi. Senior ragging sikit-sikit tu biasalah.” Hmm….ini memang perangai KLASIK Upholder. Mereka tidak nampak apa yang salah dengan tradisi yang sedia ada. Mereka comfortable dengan keadaan semasa. Jadi mereka ada kecenderungan untuk meneruskan tradisi, walaupun tradisi yang buruk. (Ini satu lagi contoh perangai Upholder dalam masyarakat Melayu : “Baca Yassin malam Jumaat ni dah lama kami buat. Kenapa tiba-tiba nak tukar kepada Al-Kahfi? Kami pun dah lama amalkan tahlil kematian. Pandai-pandai jer kau nak kata Bid’ah. Kau ni Wahhabi ek?” Itulah contoh perangai Upholder. Sticking to tradition and resistant to change.)

Tapi sekiranya beliau berada di kalangan orang-orang yang mempunyai nilai-nilai yang baik, maka menjadi upholder of values adalah sesuatu yang sangat bermanfaat untuk dirinya sendiri dan kepada masyarakat. Contohnya ketika di mana ada golongan yang cuba memperjuangkan hak perkahwinan sejenis di Malaysia, beliau (sekiranya seorang Muslim yang hidup di dalam masyarakat yang mungkin kebanyakannya beragama Islam) akan bangun menentang dengan lantang “Buatlah apa yang kamu nak buat di belakang pintu. But to formally recognize and legalize this, NEVER. Jangan kucar-kacirkan adat dan budaya di dalam masyarakat kita.” Di sini, beliau akan dianggap sangat berjasa oleh ahli-ahli masyarakat beliau yang beragama Islam di atas ketegasan beliau mempertahankan nilai-nilai agama.

Kita SANGAT memerlukan Upholder dalam masyarakat kita terutamanya apabila keadaan tengah stabil dan tiada apa-apa isu yang sedang bergolak atau perlu diperbetulkan. Sekiranya masyarakat kita hanya dipenuhi oleh Questioner dan Rebel, masyarakat tidak akan stabil, nilai atau polisi bertukar-tukar setiap tahun sesuka hati dan kelangsungan hidup jadi celaru.

Obliger

Mungkin kita terfikir bahawa obliger adalah seorang yang senang dibuli. Dia akan ikut saja apa orang mahu daripada dia dan tak pandai menjadi tegas mempertahankan hak sendiri. Tetapi, jika kebetulan dia berada di kalangan orang-orang yang baik atau pandai, dia yang nakal atau malas belajar mungkin akan cuba perbaiki akhlak diri dan rajinkan diri sampai pandai. Sebab masyarakat di sekelilingnya expect dia pun baik dan pandai. Jadi dia cuba untuk oblige that good expectation of the society. Namun begitu, jika dia berada di kalangan pembuli-pembuli yang expect dia untuk ikut cakap mereka and cater to their needs, habislah Obliger itu! Asyik jadi bahan buli jawabnya. So take care of yourself, please. Because I like you best (compared to the Upholder or the Rebel!)

Kita sangat memerlukan Obliger dalam masyarakat kita. These people will play nice with all characters. They would try to ease social discomfort by catering to people’s expectation and smooth the way out of conflict. Mereka ini pelincir dalam masyarakat.

Rebel

Kita mungkin berfikir bahawa menjadi rebellious adalah perkara yang negatif. Tetapi jika seseorang mempunyai watak rebellious di kalangan surrounding yang suka membuli, mungkin dia akan terlepas dari dibuli kerana dia berani membuat tunjuk perasaan dan membangkang. So, good job, oh my dear Rebel! But if you are in a good surrounding with good rules and yet you STILL rebel, then it can only lead to disaster for your own selves. So think before you give in to your tendency to rebel.

Masyarakat SANGAT PERLU kepada Rebel ini ketika mana sesuatu keadaan yang tidak adil sedang berlaku, dan semua Upholders and Obligers tak rasa nak ubah apa-apa. Mereka sangat diperlukan sebagai pencetus perubahan yang akan menyedarkan golongan-golongan lain di dalam masyarakat untuk berubah ke arah sesuatu. Ya, Rebel adalah pencetus, penyemarak dan pembangkang.

Questioner

As for questioner (I think that’s me. Haha), kami ada kami punya nilai sendiri. I have a set of values that I pick up from my upbringing… and ESPECIALLY from my reading. As a Muslim, semua benda yang jelas dalam agama, I will agree to it. Tetapi semua ruang kebebasan yang telah diberi dalam agama (perkara-perkara harus), aku akan ikut kepala aku sendiri.

Jadi adakalanya, aku tak dapat ikut apa yang masyarakat nak daripada aku sebab ia bercanggah dengan apa yang aku nak atau apa yang aku rasa betul. To get me to do something, you simply must make sure your expectations fit my inner expectations of myself and my worldview of how the world should be.

Orang macam aku tidak gemar berpersatuan sangat. We are okay fighting alone. Of course it’s good to have a group of friends who will cheer you on and fight along with you… but it is not strictly necessary to us. We are not great in society though we can try to work and compromise with them in certain things… but we minimize the need for society because there are things (like principles and our own ideas and expectations) that cannot be compromised. Kalau aku yakin yang kamu boleh terima karakter aku yang penuh dengan soalan, then I will be happy to join your society. (For example, I did join usrah in Australia. Because the seniors welcomed my questions and did not force me to comply to things I wasn’t ready to). Kalau aku puas hati dengan jawapan-jawapan kamu, aku akan ikut. You might confuse me with a rebellious person. But no… I don’t rebel against what I think is good. Only in what I think is bad. I follow rules when I can see the rational for it (and a lot of rules are rational and make sense, I must admit). Sometimes the rules are neither good nor bad… it is just the way it is (I will try to follow these type of rules when it is convenient. But if it wasn’t convenient… well, oops!)

BUT! when following rules would result in a greater evil, I will resist your expectation of me. I will break the rules. And I will fight it, bear the consequence and pray Allah will ease the way for me.

Because you see, Allah is the Master Storyteller. I put all my trust in Him. He gave me this particular character for this particular plot that He had set out for me. My responsibility is to make sure that I use my character that He bestowed on me in the way that He would approve. At the end of the day, He will be the one who will take care of me and it is to Him that I place all my reliance.

Screenshot 2018-09-28 22.01.49

Screenshot 2018-09-28 22.02.06
My Facebook status after the recent issue involving an ex-HO Miya Wong, started becoming viral in the social media. In this case, she is playing the role of the Rebel. I like her.

* * *

Believe me, your character suits your purpose in life. Suits your life plot. Allah designed it for you because He knew you are going to need it in the plot that He had specifically created for you.

However, the good thing is, characters are not carved in stones. Some aspects of your character are fluid and malleable. Allah asks us to get to know one another and learn good things from each other in order to grow into a more accomplished and well-rounded version of ourselves. I learned that some rules that are neither good nor bad (but just inconvenient) should not be questioned…buat penat jer dan no point for you to spend all that time arguing and questioning a neutral rule. (Waktu aku muda dan belum matang, semua benda pun aku rasa nak question haha) Kalau sempat comply, kita comply. Kalau tak sempat comply, mungkin tak boleh comply…. Tapi tak perlu buang tenaga dan meletihkan minda untuk question the rule. So, I adopt sikit perangai Obliger kat sini.

Apa-apa saja yang melibatkan prinsip yang jelas dalam agama, aku adopt perangai Upholder. (Unless kalau kau cakap tentang sesuatu perkara dengan konotasi agama yang tidak kena tempat dan mempergunakan imej alim untuk mepertahankan sesuatu yang salah… that’s another story. Contohnya, bila kau suruh orang yang didera atau dibuli untuk sabar dan redha tapi kau tak komen langsung betapa buruknya akhlak si pendera atau pembuli… haih, ini bikin aku panas, dong! Kau cakap macam tu depan aku, daripada aku nak adopt perangai Upholder, terus bertukar perangai Rebel pula jadinya. And I will call you out on your skewed judgment.)

Apa-apa saja benda yang melibatkan systematic injustice (injustice that has been legalized or accepted as a norm), I adopt sikit perangai Rebel!

See?

Regardless of what your character is… you have your own agenda in life. Your agenda sometimes might be at cross-purpose with another character. For example, the Questioner might get in conflict with the Upholder but find it easier to team up with a Rebel or even with an Obliger. On the Upholder’s part, he would feel like the Questioner are stirring things up for no reason with all his questions. (“Dah memang macam tu, kau ikut jerlah. Nak tanya banyak buat apa” the Upholder might feel irritated) The Upholder would ALSO find the Obliger as a better team mate.

(Obliger is well-liked by everyone. Hahha. Tapi dalam hati, entah-entah dia depressed kot! Sebab asyik nak kena oblige orang.)

Bayangkan bahawa pada masa dahulu, betapa banyak watak-watak telah berinteraksi bagi membolehkan sesebuah revolusi berlaku. Contohnya, dalam plot penghapusan amalan hamba di Amerika. Watak Rebel sangat perlu, bukan?! Watak Questioner who questioned the norm of the slave system was very much needed too. Mereka ini mungkin akan bergabung menentang watak Upholder yang masih mahu meneruskan sistem hamba di Amerika (as part of the Southern American culture). The Upholders at that time upheld the Southern culture and insisted on continuation of the slave system.

Boleh jadi ke ada watak Upholder yang mahu menghapuskan slave sistem pada ketika itu? Yes, mungkin ada watak Upholder juga yang tak suka slave system. Tetapi, diorang akan cakap “Okey, aku pun tak suka slavery semua ni. Tapi kita fight secara polisi dan diplomasi. Diplomasi ni memang adat kita dari dulu. Kita go through the channel. Tak payah lah nak question atau nak rebel.”

See? Upholders are not necessarily against the agenda of the Questioners or the Rebel. They might all have the same agenda and the same purpose. But they differ in their opinions regarding the methods of how it should be done. Yes, that can happen. Upholders can also side with the Rebels (imagine that!).

So things are not always as clear cut between Upholders, Rebel, Obligers and Questioners. Different type of characters can have the same goal.

***

Pada pendapat aku, asalkan kamu mempunyai matlamat yang sama, kamu tidak perlu nak halang orang lain yang mahu memperjuangkan isu dengan cara mereka sendiri.

Upholders might want to go through the diplomatic route… tapi itu adalah sesuai di peringkat policy-making atau di peringkat pentadbiran. Memang sesuai sangatlah untuk mereka menggunakan cara diplomasi tu sebab mereka yang dok attend meeting dengan pihak-pihak lain. Takkan dalam meeting dengan pihak lain nak bergaduh macam Rebel.

Tapi untuk orang biasa-biasa, rakyat marhaen, golongan bawahan yang bukan policy-makers… mereka akan merasakan “There will be no change in the policy, unless awareness has been created first.” Untuk golongan yang tak terlibat dalam pentadbiran dan tak attend apa-apa meeting, apakah peranan yang perlu mereka mainkan apabila mereka melihat sesuatu yang mungkar telah berlaku?

Sedangkan Allah asked us to fight evil with our bare hands or our tongues or with our hearts, whichever we can do best! Everyone has a role in this. The role of forbidding evil is not limited to those attending diplomatic policy meetings at the admin level!

forbid evil

It takes a Rebel to create chaos, FIRST! And then the chaos must be reported and widely publicized, FIRST! And then, Questioners and Rebels must loudly DEMAND for policy change continuously and incessantly, FIRST.

Lepas tu, barulah ada ‘political will’ dan ‘society pressure’ untuk berubah sehinggalah orang atasan (yang kebanyakannya Upholder of policies) terasa dah sampai masa untuk kita buat polisi baru. Lepas tu Upholders yang budiman (yang dalam diam menyokong Questioners and Rebel selama ni) bolehlah memainkan peranan…. when you go to that meeting pentadbiran, please use all your expertise in arranging diplomatic words to champion our mutual cause. Kerana kalau yang pergi meeting tu adalah the Questioner or the Rebel, meeting tu akan penuh dengan pergaduhan dan akhirnya polisi tak digubal-gubal sampai ke sudah sebab Questioner nak tanya semua benda. Hahaha.

So, Upholders tak perlu nak kacau method orang lain yang memperjuangkan isu yang sama. Kita semua ada watak-watak yang perlu dimainkan sebelum sesuatu benda terjadi. Just because you want to fight things diplomatically at the round table of any meeting, doesn’t mean you don’t need the Rebels and the Questioners to stir things up in the society. You guys perlukan kami untuk dapatkan political pressure… barulah senang korang nak insist dan point out ‘the need for change’ dalam pertemuan penuh diplomatic nanti.

Our methods can be used simultaneously in parallel! That’s the point!

Dalam apa saja bentuk perjuangan (Renaissance/ Menuntut Kemerdekaan/ Menuntut Sistem Hamba Dihapuskan / Penyebaran Agama Islam / Menuntut Wanita Dibenarkan Mengundi/ Menuntut Orang Kulit Hitam Dibenarkan Mengundi / Mengubah kerajaan BN kepada kerajaan PH), kronologi akan lebih kurang begini:

Screenshot 2018-09-28 23.53.51

Telitilah APA SAJA bentuk perubahan atau perjuangan, plot dan kronologinya akan lebih kurang begitu! These are the sort of books that I read all my life; makanan harian aku. I recognize that the plots in these sort of stories don’t differ much! To Kill A Mocking Bird is about treatment of Black People, and Go Set A Watchman is about the rights to vote among Black people, and 12 Years A Slave is about slavery. Dalam matapelajaran Sejarah, kita belajar bahawa kewujudan Protestant yang keluar daripada Katolik pun begitulah kronologinya! (Injustice had happened first apabila rakyat biasa tak puas hati dengan Spanish Inquisition yang kejam dan juga marah dengan paderi yang tamak mengutip duit indulgences/ duit pengampunan. Maka, berlaku perjuangan kecil-kecilan – memerlukan Rebels dan Questioners kan? – dan kemudian perjuangan ini bertambah lantang. Akhirnya muncul mazhab Protestant yang diasaskan oleh Paderi Martin Luther. Paderi Martin Luther menang bukan hanya kerana Rebel and Questioner… ada juga golongan atasan Upholder di kalangan paderi yang menolong beliau dengan cara diplomasi di meja runding. My point is : kita perlukan SEMUA watak, get it?).

Menuntut kemerdekaan Tanah Melayu pun begitu juga (British SUDAH TENTU kata pejuang kemerdekaan adalah pemberontak! British pun akan label orang-orang yang menentang Malayan Union sebagai orang yang ‘caustic, uncooperative, trouble stirrer’. Tapi sebab mereka QUESTION dan REBEL lah maka Malayan Union dibubarkan dan kedudukan Raja-Raja Melayu selamat hingga sekarang! At last bila public sentiment lagi kuat, Tun Abdul Rahman guna cara diplomatik merunding kemerdekaan dengan British. Tapi mana mungkin tiba-tiba British nak berunding kalau sebelum ni tak ada siapa cetuskan public sentiment! Think about it!) Aku dah banyak baca buku-buku melibatkan sejarah dan antaranya termasuklah autobiografi Mahatma Gandhi dan Nelson Mandela. Ini semua adalah sunnahtullah perjalanan melakukan perubahan! Read! Read and you will know why I believe the way I believe. I am influenced by my reading and by my basic knowledge of the course of history (yes, my history knowledge is very basic… but I have read enough to be able to detect the similarity in the plot pattern. You cannot possibly miss it when you have read enough!)

We all have our own roles to play. I won’t question your method when we have the same goals. Our characters have been made that way by God for a reason! Kalau semua orang mempunyai karakter polite Obligers, tak ada isu yang akan meletus untuk mencetus perubahan polisi.

Kalau adalah watak Questioner who are AGAINST my own goal, I will STILL oppose him. Walaupun kami ada watak Questioner yang sama, do you think we would mingle well together regardless of our similar character? No! Selagi mana aku rasa kau mempunyai sentiment yang salah dan bercanggah dengan apa yang aku rasa adil dan betul, aku tetap takkan mix well with you no matter how similar our characters are.

So… I don’t oppose orang yang berlainan watak dengan aku. Aku cuma oppose siapa-siapa saja yang bercanggah matlamat dengan aku, especially bila ini melibatkan soal keadilan dan ethical conduct.

Questioners and Rebels need Upholders. Just like Upholders need Questioners and Rebels. And we all need Obligers to support our causes because they will make up the majority!

Bila kita nak memperjuangkan sesuatu isu, make sure kita semua ada matlamat yang sama dulu. Lepas tu, let us work in our own way according to our own character. Jangan lah ada yang nak memaksa orang ikut cara dia. Sedangkan dia sendiri, jika dipinta, tak boleh nak ikut cara kita, kan?

* * *

Dulu! Dulu zaman aku naif dan berdarah muda, aku selalu cakap dengan kawan-kawan aku “Apsal kau tak lawan jer? Kenapa kau kena bertahan?” (Dalam hati: kenapa kau lembik sangat, hah?)

“Aku tak nak benda jadi lagi teruk. Ada cara lain yang lebih okey. Sabar tak semestinya mengalah.”

Dulu aku tak faham kenapa orang tak boleh be more assertive. Tapi sekarang I have become, ehem, wiser. Aku faham diorang tak boleh jadi macam aku. Plot cerita diorang lain. Character diorang lain. Plot cerita aku lain. Character aku lain. So, I appreciate them better and have stopped questioning how other people do things.

But that doesn’t mean I will follow their method. Like I said, my plot and my role in any particular event is different than yours. Our plots are now intersecting and interconnecting (like God has pre-ordained in the creation of His story) but we have different roles to play.

“Afiza, kau dah matang sekarang ni kan? Kurang melenting sikit. Tapi kau tetap cakap apa kau tak puas hati tanpa menidakkan point orang lain. That was very well done. Dah diplomatik sikit la ni” said my friend one day after I had finished debating an issue in one of our numerous whatsapp groups.

I just laughed. Because now I understand. And I can laugh. (Kalau dulu, tak cukup perkataan aku nak kritik… diorang lembik, tak reti nak speak up, tak reti nak fight, tak nak cakap benda yang betul and so on and so forth. Now I knew better. You do it your way, I do it mine. May our route converge to the same goal, Amiin. But if you have different goals than me, I will always oppose you regardless of what method you use. Sorry, nothing personal. It so happens that your goal is opposite mine).

Upholders yang pandai berdiplomasi dan bersopan santun di meja perunding, takkan nak jadi outspoken macam aku tiba-tiba. Setiap watak ada advantage and disadavantage masing-masing dalam pelbagai situasi. I will die of suppressed anger (or boredom) at meja perundingan. The meeting won’t end well if I open my mouth when I am too upset. That’s why dalam meeting apa pun I usually don’t pay attention that much and selalunya senyap (unless that meeting is interesting in some way, then I pay attention). Because the meeting table is not my turf. Meetings and me… we don’t do well with each other.

But I can, Insya Allah, thrive in a harsh environment that challenge my values because my character suits that kind of environment. That was how I survived housemanship. My attitude was “Lagi kau buli aku, lagi aku nak tunjuk aku tak kisah dan lagi aku nak stubborn. Jangan ingat aku takut nak datang kerja jumpa kau just because semalam kau marah aku tak bertempat dan tak hormat maruah dan air muka aku. No way! Aku takkan EL. Aku takkan MC. Aku takkan MIA. Sebab lepas aku keluar daripada department, lepas aku bukan lagi HO, aku akan fight isu HO cukup-cukup dan aku tak nak kau ada alasan nak jawab yang aku ni ‘not tough enough’ when I say what I say or write what I write. Bila aku raise issue, you can never say that it was because I could not survive the hostile treatment… because I could and I did… WITHOUT ANY EL/MC/ MIA… but I STILL complain because it was the truth!”

This is just how the Questioner (and the Rebel) do things! #SorryNotSorry

***

In the saga of housemanship training, Miya Wong plays the role of a Rebel. I stick to my role of a Questioner. We also have many Obligers who keep sharing her post all over social media.

The awareness is there already. Insya Allah, political will is getting there.

Now to upholders of system (they keep saying to go through the system. Go through the right channel. What if the channel is broken, though? Sampai bertahun-tahun HO Orthopaedic Sungai Buluh ketakutan dicabul kot! Channel apa slow sangat ni!?) and upholders of politeness (“diplomacy is the best way because we cannot fight alone,” they say. But I never minded fighting alone. But perhaps, I won’t get far.)… you guys can now play your role because the Rebel Miya Wong had stirred up an issue and the Questioners/Rebels/Obligers pun dah share dia punya status all over social media to create awareness and stir public sentiment. This is the ideal time to change the culture and win our mutual goal. Use your charming diplomacy at the meeting table NOW and prove to us that it works!

Oh all Upholders, are you going to uphold the bullying of house officers (in which case, I will continue to fight you and I will keep creating awareness in the social media and rebut all your biased posts. Sorry, nothing personal. I am just playing my role), or are you going to use your diplomacy to uphold the principle of Primum, non nocere in the training of housemen.

Primum, non nocere. First, do no harm!

Please , if you are going to uphold anything, uphold that, first!

gandhi
Satu lagi Aturan Alam yang tak dapat dinafikan. Dulu isu Housemen was ignored… aku pun sempat lalui fasa itu. Dan kini mereka sudah habis tertawakan isu housemen. Sekarang adalah fasa ‘fight’. So, dah tak lama lagi dah…Insya Allah

#RiseIniKalilah

Disclaimer:

After recently doing an attachment in another hospital, meeting other MOs who are based in many different hospitals all over Malaysia, I’ve had an opportunity to discuss with them regarding health care issues at their respective setting, and about how they run their service in their respective hospital. My eyes were open to the fact that no system and no service is perfectly run. But we must continually improve the system, regardless. The conversation that I had with fellow attachment doctors reminded me that I had written about some of these issues that we have talked about a long time ago.

I wrote this article below about one year ago, before the GE 14. But I did not publish this post publicly because it was still a bit of a sensitive issue at that time. Now that we have changed to a new government, I decided that I should publish this post publicly. One year ago, I had written this article after a very emotionally-charged encounter with a patient that made me feel defeated. That made me feel like I couldn’t do much for her. That made me question myself regarding why I was even a government servant? That made me want to migrate elsewhere! That made me feel very hateful of the BN government! Last year, there were so many issues that affect the provision of healthcare in Malaysia that made me wonder if I could ever be the kind of doctor that I had always envisioned myself to be.

And I blamed the government then. Hahah.

Of course after the GE 14, I am all hopeful and optimistic these days. But I also think that the issues I had ranted about one year ago are still relevant. And therefore, since I am having a writer’s block at the moment and have no materials or issues to update in this blog for the time being, I decided to publish this old article of mine that had been collecting dust in my hard drive. (One blogger had asked me regarding how I manage to maintain my blog since 2009 and not suffering from a writer’s block like her? Most of my friends’  blogs were not updated for many years. Writer’s block is real, people! It is the most dreadful thing that can happen to a writer. So I told her that I write a lot of things that I don’t always immediately publish in this blog and simply keep them in my hard drive. When I have no materials with which to update my blog, I will simply choose one of those unpublished articles to be posted. Writer’s block sometimes can persist for months, folks. So when I do have things to write, I would go on a binge writing session and put those articles away as reserve. When the next writer’s block strike, at least I would still have something to post in this blog. So that’s the secret. Maximize your articles productivity when your thoughts are clear and chockablock with ideas but don’t publish all of them immediately in your blog. Keep a few of them away to tide you over in the months when you are suffering from lack of productivity secondary to writer’s block)

So here’s the article I had written one year ago and it was about social justice. Enjoy!

***

For The Sake of Social Justice

The problem with me is that I have a pretty high expectation about most things. I really do.

I am not a perfectionist, though. I am a practical idealist (though some would argue that the term ‘practical idealist’ is an oxymoron).

You see, there are times when I can relate to difficult patients, because I am pretty difficult myself (with very good insight about my difficult temperament. Hahaha). Trust me, you don’t want me as your patient. 

For example, if I had waited for four hours to see a doctor, you can bet your little finger that I expect a lot from the consultation later. A lot!

I would feel pretty disappointed (like I was short-changed)  if the doctor simply asked “Ada dengar suara bisik kat telinga? Ok, tak ada. Ubat makan tak? Boleh kerja? So, semua okey? Okey, kita sambung ubat macam biasalah.”

Four hours of my time yields only 5 minutes (or even less) of consultation?! Any REASONABLE patient would feel short-changed (let alone a demanding and a difficult one!). The patient might even decide to default follow up next time because he/she didn’t feel the consultation was worth the trouble and the waiting time. (I certainly know that I am the type of person who HATES waiting. Hahaha. Orang macam aku takkan mau dah jumpa doktor kalau aku rasa tak berbaloi! I won’t do something that don’t give me worthy outcome!)

Sometimes, I feel so terrible about my inability to spend more time to see each and every one of my patient. There are times when I want to prolong the consultation simply because I want the patients to feel that their waiting was worth it. But when I look at the piles of cases left to be seen in front of me, all my good intentions fly out the window.

However I always make sure that I ask a token question of “Ada apa-apa dak nak tanya lagi?” or “Nak habaq apa-apa ka sebelum kita habis?” or “ada apa-apa lagi nak bincang dengan doktor sebelum habis?” (Nampak tak perkataan ‘sebelum kita habis’ dah ada unsur-unsur nak kejar patient? Unsur-unsur nak menutup consultation, tetapi masih berlapik. Hahah)

You know, it is laughable. Usually we said “Sebelum kita habis, ada apa-apa lagi ke nak tanya or nak habaq?” for a conversation that has been going on for a long time.

BUT! If they just came and ‘bontot pun tak panas lagi” and then suddenly I used the phrase “sebelum kita habis…” Hahaha. God… it is ridiculous, isn’t it? (If I were the patient, I would go, “You mean, we are already about to finish? We barely even started, doctor.”)

Most patients would say no. That they have nothing else to say or to ask. And some chronic Schizophrenic patients with negative symptoms really have nothing else to ask. In the first place, some of them are monosyllabic in answering questions. And some of them have poverty of thoughts and would not volunteer any information that is not directly asked. They don’t elaborate much on their answers because after years of illness and cognitive impairment, they are not able to produce the sort of spontaneous speech that we all have taken for granted. 

And some patients who are rushing to pick up their kids from school really don’t mind that the consultation is short. (“Saya tunggu lama sebab nak ambil ubat ja. Memang saya nak rushing balik kerja/ambil anak/nak masak. So tak pa lah, doktor sambung ubat ja lah.” they would say with an annoyed tone because they have been waiting for so long just to continue medication) But I still ask that token question of “ada apa-apa nak bincang dengan doktor?” just to comfort myself that I have done my job. That I have invited them to say their piece. That I have fulfilled my obligation to hear them out after they have waited for so long. And if they said they were fine, then I won’t feel guilty if I decide not to probe further. So it makes me feel better that I have asked. (As if my ‘ajak-ajak ayam’ to talk further is good enough! LOL)

Of course, we KKM staff can comfort ourselves by saying “Ni hospital kerajaan. Nak buat macam mana? Kalau nak cepat kena pi private. Patient lain dok tunggu lagi lama. Kalau tak boleh tunggu lama, pi lah private.  Kalau nak luah perasaan lama-lama, kena pi private. Kalau nak dapat doktor yang layan awak macam raja, kena pi private.”

Is that gonna be our tagline? “Kalau malas tunggu, pi private” or “Kalau nak demand, pi lah private”, dan yang sewaktu dengannya?

Whatever the patients want that we cannot fulfil, let’s direct them to the private clinics, huh?

So, other than our routine core business of seeing patients (furiously fast) what are we doing here as a government staff?

See…we in the government, have no choice but to prioritise. Some cases are difficult and we do spend more time exploring their issues to their hearts’ content (and our hearts’ content). Not all cases can ‘touch and go’. Affective disorders (with new stressors) will take up almost half an hour of our time, at least (and in the mean time ,’to be seen’ cases keep piling up in front of you. Patients keep knocking on your door, asking for you to hurry up because they have some other urgent matters elsewhere).

Some people think Schizophrenia is difficult to see. (“Pesakit Schizophrenia mesti aggressive. Susah. Mesti lama nak kena settle,” some inexperienced non-psychiatric doctors might think). But actually, psychotic disorders are the best cases to handle when you are rushing. When they are aggressive, you just jab them with IM Haloperidol.  (If they are already stable and not aggressive, you just asked “Dengar suara tak? Kalau tak dengar suara, dose ubat ni kira dah oklah. So, kita sambung ubat macam biasa.” End of consultation. That’s the main gist of it, with some variations. When you are rushing, you cannot be as thorough as you like. It is so sad.)

It is the affective disorders that always make me feel guilty when I cannot see them longer than I want to. They would cry, then they need to talk…and talk…. AND talk. And they will cry some more. They deserve my time… and I cannot fulfil their expectation, sometimes. Not because I am rushing to go out for lunch. But because other patients are waiting too and they keep rushing you! I could forego my lunch if patients are willing to postpone the rest of their activities just to wait for me to thoroughly see each and every one of them. But they are not willing to postpone picking up their children, are they? They are not willing to postpone going back to their office too, are they? They are not willing to postpone getting back home so that they can carry on with their routine, are they? THEY couldn’t wait! And therefore, I couldn’t spend more time than I would have liked to if it were up to me.

But when I DO spend my time with them, we get distracted a lot. By noises! By people going in and out. By conversation crossing over, here, there and everywhere. I lost focus. My irritability raises quite a bit when I am forced to converse in noise. I hate it.

It’s just not ideal.

The ideal side of my ‘practical idealist self’ finds it intolerable. But the practical side of the same self know that I should learn to accept the situation and make do with whatever we have.

If I were the patient, I would write a letter of complaint to Pengarah and said “Dahlah masa menunggu lama. Bila masuk bilik, jumpa doktor tak sampai 5 minit. Dalam 5 minit tu pun, bilik penuh, sendat macam dengan apa. Saya cakap pun kena kuat-kuat, sebab bising. Bila saya cakap kuat, pesakit sebelah lagi pun cakap lagi kuat sebab dia pun nak didengari juga. Doktor saya pun terpaksa cakap kuat sebab bising. Doktor sorang lagi pun akan cakap lagi kuat. Belum lagi medical students yang dok berkeliaran sana sini. Saya rasa saya lagi stressed out. Dalam bilik tu kena share punya ramai orang! Ada 4 doktor dalam satu bilik, campur empat pesakit dan campur keluarga mereka sekali dalam bilik tu. Dan student-student dok pi mai, pi mai. Rasa-rasanya, saya ada mood tak nak cerita masalah peribadi saya dalam suasana yang macam tu?”

(I told you that I am a difficult person. You really don’t want me to be your patient. See? You have no idea how thoroughly I can voice my complaints, and how profoundly I can elaborate on it. When I have something to say, I REALLY say it. Haha)

But as a pragmatic, we deal with the limitations that we have. We make things work because we have NO OTHER CHOICE. And this situation is similar in ANY government setting. Consultation rooms are shared because there are simply no more extra room to be used. When I talk to my friends elsewhere, they told me that in certain settings in KKM, even the pantry is used to see patients! (Again, if I were the patient, I will definitely complain.)

We in KKM might say, “So what? Bayar RM5 saja, dah mengada-ngada. Patients tak berhak nak demand dengan RM 5,”  Eh? Betul? Cuma kita sebagai doktor, patut ada rasa tak puas hati bagi pihak pesakit. Kita kena ada rasa nak improve kita punya service. But who would care about what the doctors had voiced out to the admin? People would only start to care once the patient himself/herself complains against any hospital in the social media and it becomes viral. 

Imagine if all doctors told their patients, “Encik pi lah mengadu. Nah….ni borang aduan. Lagi banyak encik mengadu, lagi senang kami nak justify buat perubahan. Semua ni perlu budget yang kami tak ada.” Why don’t we encourage patients to complain against us?!  You see….that’s what the practical side of my ‘practical idealist’ self would think as a good solution. My practical side thinks that encouraging our patients to complain against us is the most effective way to get the ball rolling. To get the attention of the higher up.

But no! Once you are in admin, you don’t want to hear complaints kan? Sebab nanti kau yang nak kena jawab. So…I don’t know. It’s a Catch-22 situation. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Maybe admin should welcome complaints as a method to pressure the powers that be to pay attention. When called to produce an explanation letter, we can simply write as follows: “I have nothing to explain. The patient was right in everything she said. Now, you deal with it! How can you help me to improve my service with the paltry, minuscule budget you are giving me? Call me when you have the answer. I am most anxiously waiting.”

Tak cukup staff kat ward sebab memang tak ada pengambilan staff baru… okey, we deal with it.

Tak boleh start appropriate medication untuk patient sebab tak ada quota, we deal with it.

Tak boleh nak provide more comfortable consultation environment for the patient, we deal with it.

Tak boleh claim elaun untuk provide good community service during oncall, we deal with it.

We are okay to deal with it as long as we think the government has no money through NO FAULT OF THEIRS. But that is not the case! The case is they are very much at fault! Where the hell is the GST money?  Budget cuts for health is starting to affect our patients.

The case is, the government is very incompetent through blatant corruption that has been swept under the carpet again and again.

The case is, all these difficulties are secondary to greedy politicians swindling money right, left and center!

That’s the case!

So nowadays, I push all my patients to apply for OKU cards and allowance. I used to dread seeing the OKU forms being brought by patients…. because it meant that I would have to go to my specialist, wait outside her door and pounce upon her once she has ended her consultation with her patient in order to get her to sign the OKU form. I hate waiting. The time waiting for my specialist to sign the OKU form can be used to see patients. That’s why I used to feel a sort of chest heaviness whenever I saw my patients bringing OKU forms that needed to be signed (In my mind, I went, “habislah masa aku terbuang menunggu depan bilik specialist untuk sign OKU form”. I generally don’t like to interrupt an on-going consultation and would wait until my specialist has finished with his/her patient before I would ask them to sign the OKU form. I project my own tendency to feel irritated when people interrupt my session with my patients. So I would have to wait in front of the specialist’s door until his/her patient comes out of the room… only then, I would enter the room to get the form signed.)

But nowadays, I stop rushing or thinking about wasted time. I give away OKU forms to most patients who don’t yet have an OKU card, even when they didn’t ask for it. “Nah, ni borang OKU. Akak balik isi borang ni, nanti bawa mai kat saya.” Some of them did not know that such welfare money is available, but I would voluntarily tell them to go and apply for it, overzealously pushing them to get the OKU card.

I want my patients to get the money, because otherwise those money will only sit around waiting to be swindled by other greedy hands. My patients have the illness, and they are entitled to it, in a way that no politicians are. At least I know that some of the taxpayers money are spent where it should be. That is my version of social justice. Distribution of wealth of the nation must be fair. In the cases when it is grossly unfair, then we should do everything in our power to help tip the balance.

In my current situation, the only thing I can do is to promote to every patient to apply for all sort of welfare aids that are available in the country. My patients are more deserving of the money than undeserving kleptocrats. Khalas! And if it means that I am going to have to waste some time getting the OKU form signed, then be it! For just a little bit of social justice, the wasted time would be worth it. 

Because, really, what else is there to do? When you are working as a public servant of a corrupted government, what else is there to do to ensure just a little bit of social justice takes place? Maybe… the time has come to really grieve.

The End

***

When I read back  the above article that I had written one year ago, I remember again all the anger and frustration I had felt at that time. But I also experience that bittersweet sensation one usually feel after having defeated an oppressive opponent in a torturous drawn-out battle.

Bitter from remembering the anger I had once felt against the government! Sweet because I had played a small part in toppling the kleptocratic government when I became a PACA for PH!

When I heard that a movie has been made about the saga of GE 14 and it would be released this September, I just couldn’t wait to watch it! Guys, I don’t usually watch local movies, but I do watch all local movies when they are about patriotism! And this one is special… because this patriotic story happened in my lifetime. I was a witness to a great history! And now that it is made into a movie, I will not miss watching this.

And what makes the movie even better is, one of the directors for the movie, Nik Amir Mustapha, was my batchmate in MRSM Langkawi! So, there are so many reasons why I am so excited to watch this movie.

Come on guys, let’s watch it when it is released on 16 September 2018! Tempt yourself by watching the trailer of the movie below. The trailer is inspiring!

#GE14

#RiseIniKalilah

 

 

 

Dear Readers, Live Your Life Free!

Screenshot 2018-08-04 21.40.05

It was a sad day for the medical fraternity in Malaysia when we woke-up last weekend to the breaking news of having a sex predator in our midst, holding the significant post of a HOD in one of the hospitals in the Klang Valley.

I could NOT believe my eyes when I read the article shared by one of our members in our forum. It sickened me! Not just for the fact that the sex predator is a senior doctor who has been using his high position to prey on vulnerable housemen for many years! But for the fact that MANY people in the department as well as in other departments in and out of the hospital had KNOWN about it and yet they DID NOTHING!

Some of these people were specialist and consultants too but they turned a blind eye and DID NOTHING!

I felt disgusted and nauseated by such cowardice.

***

I don’t blame the victims for not speaking up. They are vulnerable, after all. But I blame the specialists (even the MOs, when I think about it) who had known but kept silent. Anyone who has been secured in their position (confirmed in their posts/ sah dalam jawatan) not speaking up against injustice done towards vulnerable people in their circle (innocent, green HOs who have not been confirmed in their posts and IN NEED of the good will of others) are accountable, in my opinion!

This was EXACTLY the sort of shameful cowardice I talked about many, many times in my previous blog posts.

How DARE specialists scream at HOs for not presenting properly or for making some mistakes that they did out of ignorance…. but turned a blind eye when their own colleagues or their boss had committed a crime purposefully! 

All specialists in that department who knew this and did nothing are also accountable! Shameful!

Next time, don’t talk about low quality housemen! Look at low quality specialists who were as mute as they were spineless!  And look at the HOD of an outstanding criminal quality! Bravo!

What an amazing outcome of having been trained ‘during your time’, huh? (Yup, this is not a fair statement. Many other older specialists who were trained during that time are good. But I just want to demonstrate to you how it feels when the juniors have to listen to you huffing and puffing about ‘housemen these days’ as though none of them is good! Because THAT is also not a fair statement, isn’t it? So, let’s stop talking about your time and comparing it to the current time! Your time has passed! Move on! Our time is current… it is more relevant! Help us make the best of it, ok?)

***

It baffled me.

How could you NOT take complaints like this seriously when it was informed to you? When I was a HO, I won’t even tolerate unfair scoldings…I would speak up and defend myself if I knew I was right. 

So, it baffled me why SPECIALIST and people in the higher position can turn a blind eye to SEXUAL harrassment! 

Your higher position comes with RESPONSIBILITY….not just privilege! Think about what it means, for a moment, to be called a specialist and a consultant. Think!

You are at a MUCH better position to go against the HOD than anyone else. 

Who can we rely on to help the juniors if not you guys?

When I was a HO, I have heard stories of some of my colleagues who had been romantically propositioned by specialists too… but it was never up to molestation or sexual harassment (that I know of). Or else, I was sure people would have spoken up (of course, now I am not so sure anymore). I NEVER thought that any one who called themselves a doctor would just do nothing if he or she knew that someone was sexually harassed.

To think that MANY PEOPLE knew of this behaviour and DID NOTHING other than secretly warning the HO to be careful… why didn’t they go to the pengarah or lodge a police report instead?

Or maybe they did…. but THEY also did nothing?

***

“Hang boleh cakap lah, Afiza. Hang tak dak kat tempat diorang. Depa nak kena jaga periuk nasi depa juga. HOs semua nak kena pass posting. Master trainees semua depend on him. Specialists pun belajar dengan dia, indebted to him, depending on him. Cuba kau letak diri kau kat tempat depa. You were not there!”

Hahah! Damn! I couldn’t believe it!

Look, just because I wasn’t there, doesn’t mean I cannot talk about it and cannot have an opinion about it! (I wasn’t there when  the BN government stole the country’s money! Most of us Malaysians were not there among the BN kleptocratic circle when Najib committed so many atrocities against many people… but didn’t we TALK ABOUT IT? Didn’t we blame the whole BN party when they failed to stand up to Najib, and thus we had punished them in the last election by voting for PH? Heck.. yes, I wasn’t there but I am STILL gonna talk about it. This will serve as a lesson against anyone in the future who knows something like this is going on but keep their silence!)

Only people who don’t know me would ever think that I would do NOTHING if I ever find out about something like this! I have created havoc for even less than this, ok! So, I would have NO COMPUNCTION WHATSOEVER in creating a lot of chaos over something as serious as this. Mark my words! I will go against anyone who do this to my friend, let alone to myself or my family. I have spoken up for something even less.

Just because YOU are a coward, doesn’t mean everyone else is like you, ok?

And for that, I thank the tarbiyah that I got from my seniors in Australia. I thank God every day of my life that He put me in Australia and open my heart to be receptive to dakwah. I may not dress alim… but I know the basic tenets of justice in my religion! I fight when I believe I am right.

Against oppression, Islam told me to stand firm and resolute! Even against your own selves or your parents or your relatives (let alone your boss!!). Islam told us not to follow personal inclination (such as passing your master training, maybe?). Islam told us not to distort testimony or refuse to give it (by keeping silence like what we have done!) when it comes to standing for justice. 

O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allah is more worthy of both. So follow not [personal] inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort [your testimony] or refuse [to give it], then indeed Allah is ever acquainted with what you do.

(Al Quran: An-Nisa 4:135)

My Prophet p.b.u.h told me to ALWAYS look out for the weak  and the vulnerable among us! That we are only supported and provided for by the Almighty if we support the weak and the vulnerable in the community. In our case as doctors, the housemen are the vulnerable among us! And we should look out for them! 

Abu Darda reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Seek out the vulnerable among you. Verily, you are only given provision and support due to your support of the weak.”

Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1702

So, how do you justify your silence when you KNOW there is a sex predator in your department? How could you do NOTHING?

“Mungkin depa dah buat something. Tapi nak buat macam mana? Dia lebih powerful.” Said someone else in the forum.

Ah, I couldn’t BRAIN this kind of response!

“Oh, ok. Depa buat something. Bila tak jadi, so depa stop doing anything? That’s it? Responsibility done? So, pi kerja macam biasa? Bila tahi macam ni dah viral, baru tiba-tiba nak tunjuk concerned??!” I STILL couldn’t brain this!

For something as sinister and evil as sexual crimes, you should NEVER stop doing something until the bastard is convicted! Just because you have done something that didn’t work, doesn’t mean your responsibility is done! Not until you accomplish the mission… your responsibility is STILL not done! No!

Think about what you would do if these housemen were your wives? Your daughters? Your sisters? How could you have been SO SELFISH!!

***

I have a theory regarding why Malaysian are too timid in speaking up against injustice.

Everyone ‘kalut’ to please the boss! What is the worst thing that can happen if you speak up against anyone? You lose the job, maybe?

Well…

We have to live FREE… not tied to any ‘artificial’ sense of obligation or fear when we speak up for the truth.

By all means… respect your superiors and respect the system… but not beyond a certain limit. 

  • Naik pangkat, naik gaji…. don’t upgrade your lifestyle just yet. Don’t increase your commitments just yet. Don’t start shopping for new cars or buying another house. Instead, save that money! Invest it! Have other source of income! Should something happen to you because you speak the truth against ANYONE, you have that money to tide you over until you can find another job or hire a lawyer against that person. 

 

  • Some people said “you don’t understand.. these people are powerful.” But all it takes is for someone in the department (preferably the specialists who is already established and can always find other jobs in the private setting should something go wrong) to speak up, lodge a police report and if those actions failed, just viral it macam sekarang! Can’t you see the power of social media? The bastard’s immunity is gone because public sentiment is more powerful, thanks to social media! Why was it so hard to viral it THEN compared to now? Sure, the government had changed from BN to PH now, which might explain why it would be easier to go against the bastard NOW. But the social media has been around for many years and it was successfully used by the former opposition all these while! Heck, social media is one of the best factors of why we were able to change the government!  Why couldn’t it be used back then, against this predator, if push comes to shove? Why didn’t any specialist use this as the last resort if all police reports or any appeal to the higher authority have failed? Perhaps even the victims were too scared to use the social media back then because they perceived that even the people in that department, (her superiors who should have known better) did not lift a finger to help them. 

 

  • Actually it wasn’t that hard to speak up… it was only hard because we all have our own conflict of interest against speaking up (takut kena target, I need my salary, takut training tak lepas, takut this and that). So we become selfish and we silence our conscience. 

When we start putting priorities on other things over principles/values/justice… that’s when it is so hard to speak up!

Live free! Live with REAL freedom! 

In order to do that, we must not be dependent on anything or anyone too much. We must be able to walk away and say “my career is not worth putting up with THIS injustice.” And you CANNOT do that when you depend too much on your work… and you depend too much on your work because you want to live a certain lifestyle that you used to be able to live without before. 

You used to be able to be content before you went for master training! But because you value your master training more, you won’t speak up against your  boss… even if he is a sex predator? You used to feel content with just a simple house and one small car.  But now that you have upgraded your lifestyle and have acquired a lot of loans to finance that lifestyle, you NEED the job too much now. Because you value your job more (the salary from which you get to afford your bungalow and your BMW), so you won’t speak up against your  boss… even if he is a sex predator?

Is that justifiable?

Real freedom can never be attained when you attach yourself to any artificial sense of well being that is material-dependent! Can you PLEASE attach your sense of well-being to having good principles? How about attaching your sense of well-being to freedom of action, freedom of speaking up your mind, freedom of movement, freedom of doing what you believe as right!

Thanks to the tarbiyah that I got in Australia,  I associate my well-being to freedom from any artificial attachment to material things that don’t guarantee happiness anyway.

I don’t depend too much on my work. I can LIVE not being a doctor. I can honestly say that if push comes to shove, I can walk away and do something else. I love my job as a means of contributing to the society, as a means of ibadah…but when all is said and done, there are other ways I can contribute to the society. Other jobs can also be an ibadah. I can downgrade my lifestyle any time! I can walk away from my job if my principles are violated. (But before I do, I will create a lot of shit! Since I am gonna lose my job anyway, I might as well exit in style and make sure the evil person pay for what he/she had done! If you put me in a position when I have nothing more to lose, then OF COURSE I will give you my best fight! Bring it on!)

dangerous
A wounded lion is the most dangerous. I can be a lion when I have to.

I don’t depend too much on the good opinion of my boss, though all my boss now are nice (but who knows what sort of boss I will get in the future, right?) I specifically design my life that way when I choose the external pathway over master! Because I KNOW myself… I am not the timid type and I am quite abrasive against an unjust authority. But EVEN if I had chosen master, at the end of the day, I also know that I can live just as well not being a specialist! But I can NEVER live with myself if I let a sex-predator continue to commit heinous sexual crimes against my subordinates! I would have spoken up!

I also value freedom of movement! If I ever become dissatisfied with the injustice in my country (which was the case before we switched the government, recently), I can work elsewhere. Again, that is WHY I choose MRCPSYCH over master, so that my qualification is recognized everywhere. That’s why I had OPENLY campaigned for PH in my facebook and my blog… because I could walk away! Anytime! I was willing to  take that calculated risk when I became a PACA! 

I make certain choices in my life so that no one has TOO MUCH hold on me! I will never allow it! And I pray to God that He would never make anyone have any hold on me because I can never tolerate living that way. And in order to do that, I know I must lead a simple life.

No grandeur lifestyle that entangled my routine; no unmanageable excessive loans that would make me depend on my job until I cannot speak up against anyone; no unmanageable ties and relationships that become a burden rather than a comfort.

I will speak up! If I am wrong, rebut me! Debate me! Make me see… then I will follow you willingly. Otherwise, don’t force me. Because I won’t follow. And I am willing to pay the price.

To me, THAT is real freedom. To me, THAT is real happiness. And I would never give that up for specialty training or lifestyle maintenance.

THIS, my dear readers, is my life philosophy!  It has been my life philosophy since I was in Australia.

And I thank God that I live in the age of the social media.  It is a tool that all of us can use wisely against ANYONE who violate us unjustly, regardless of their position! Let the public sentiment decide!

Screenshot 2018-08-04 21.39.48

***

Dear readers,

Live as free as possible. And one day, as you spread your wings, look up to the sky and say Alhamdulillah for the gift of freedom in your life.

 

Afiza’s Philosophy On First Impression

first impression wrong

Did you know that the original title for Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice was First Impression?

If you are a fan of classic literature, your answer would have been yes… because it is one of the most common trivia among ardent book readers.

history of pride and prejudice

Just like it is common trivia that Charlotte Bronte, Anne Bronte, and Emily Bronte had published their manuscripts under male pseudonyms of Currer Bell, Acton Bell and Ellis Bell because female authors were discriminated against in those times. Charlotte Bronte had said “We did not like to declare ourselves women, because we had a vague impression that authoresses are liable to be looked on with prejudice.”

There is that word again! Prejudice!

Elizabeth Bennet was prejudiced against Mr. Darcy whereas Mr. Darcy was prideful towards Elizabeth Bennet, hence the change of title to Pride & Prejudice….maybe. I don’t know why Jane Austen changed the title, actually. For commercial reason, perhaps? ‘Pride & Prejudice’ certainly sounds more thought-provoking than ‘First Impression’, no?

But my post this time is not going to be on Jane Austen’s highly acclaimed novel. It is going to be about the pitfalls of first impression and why we should never give it more value than it is really worth.

***

Some people place too much importance on first impression. They would quote to you quips that they think as intelligent such as “Two things remain irretrievable; Time and first impression”. Or they would say “First impressions are the most lasting.” Then, they sell their products to you… be it whitening cream, clothing, shoes, tudung, perfume… with the tagline of “First impression is the deepest”. Haha.

But in my opinion, to be relying so much on your first impression of others, obstinately refusing to change your opinion even after you have had the opportunity to revise your first impression, is the height of wilful idiocy.

The word first impression itself is quite self-explanatory. It denotes lack-of-depth, lack-of-accuracy, lack-of-assessment. In short, it is just lacking, period!

And for those who insisted on how important first impression really is… well, MY first impression of such a person would be “You are too superficial! And we will probably never see eye-to-eye in most matters if this is the way you persist in making your judgment.” But then unlike them, I am more open to changing my opinion about them if they are able to show me evidence of the depth of their thoughts in our future encounters next time. Because again, unlike them, I NEVER put much faith nor stock in my first impression even when my first impressions have turned out to be right many times in the past (because I ALSO remember the times when I turned out to be wrong and I don’t want to persist in the stupidity of making snap judgment).

judge man's life

***

“So you don’t think first impression is important? How about when you are going for an interview? Would you dress shabbily? Would you arrive late? Would you not want to appear competent and successful?”

Look, first impression is important… but only up to a point…. and then, no more. THAT is what I am driving at! I repeat, first impression is only important up to a point… and then no further.

If it is as you had said “First impression is the most lasting”, I would be quite skeptical of your ability to learn new information and unlearn false information… there is something wrong in your cognitive flexibility (or your brain plasticity) if the first impression – regardless of accuracy – is the most lasting one for you!

Don’t you think?

Most of the time, I don’t remember my first impression of anyone. Perhaps, because it was never that important to me. I distrust it.

But once I have had enough opportunity (by the means of multiple encounters) to form an impression, then you will never get me to change my mind because THIS TIME, I have had enough encounters with you to be able to form a fair and accurate judgment of your character and temperament.

Still, it doesn’t mean I am not optimistic that you might later change some of your bad habits. But just go and change those bad habits first… then I will re-assess my judgment of you, even when I know that my first judgment of you was correct AT THAT TIME (because I actually made an effort in coming to that judgment, in the first place. I did not simply rely on my first impression and I actually have observed you multiple times before I arrived to that judgment). But now I am re-evaluating you because you have made some changes. If I change my mind about you, it wasn’t because I was wrong the first time…. it was because you have changed now and therefore I am willing to change my impression of you, accordingly.

That’s all.

umar
See? That’s why we should always reassess our initial judgment!

***

Muslims in general should not be putting stock in first impressions. I remember the story of Saidina Umar Al-Khattab R.A when he first arrived in Jerusalem after the Muslim army had been successful in their campaign to conquer the holy city from the Christians.

Abu Ubaidah R.A, the commander in chief of the Muslim army and himself a very pious man, suggested that Umar change his clothes so that the people of Jerusalem, accustomed to the pomp and grandeur of kings and emperors, were not dissuaded from handing the keys of Jerusalem over to him. Umar hit Abu Ubaidah hard on the chest and reminded him that the Arabs had once been a disgraced nation. What had brought them honour and elevated their status was Islam. Should they seek honour from anything else, they would surely be humiliated again.

Lesson learned: Don’t seek honour through the superficial means of your clothing/shoes/brands in an attempt to make a great first impression. Instead, seek honour through strength of character. And this is not something you can tell upon a first glance! It doesn’t work that way!

By all means… wear nice clothes to an interview. But not as a means to hide your real character, but rather to enhance them. Work on your character first…then you work on other superficial things that would reflect your real character!

By all means, be polite and speak nicely in order to create warmth and mutual good regards. But above all else, mean your words! “Say what you mean. And mean what you say.” Say what you really believe… not what you think the others or the boss want to hear just because you want to make a favourable false impression. (I always try to say what I mean… I am just not very good at doing it politely especially when I am too upset. I am learning to sheathe my blunt honesty with a scabbard of politeness… but it takes practice, of course)

***

There are a few reasons why I feel strongly about not trusting first impression. It was because I have been subjected to one numerous times.

The most common first impression about me was “sombong” or “unfriendly” or something along those lines. Which I think, is really unfair. Just because I was quiet and slow to warm up to strangers, doesn’t mean I am arrogant. It takes time for me to be comfortable to open up to people, and I generally become close to people as I interact with them through work-related necessity rather than socially. I am generally not good at friendly banter… but I can do it when I have to, in order to be polite and to reciprocate your own friendliness. If you initiate the contact, I will mirror your attitude accordingly. So, how is that ‘sombong’? Serius, aku tak faham!

The next common first impression about me is shyness, or “diam”. This one… memang semua yang kenal aku akan gelak terbahak-bahak! Because I am not shy… AT ALL! I am an introvert… but there are 4 types of introverts; social, thinking, anxious, restrained.

The anxious ones are the shy ones!

I am the thinking one! Give me an interesting topic that I have thought of to talk about… I will have no problem airing my opinion. In fact, I can sound quite earnest and enthusiastic about it until I will get accused of being too emotionally involved. Since people have seen me being quiet most of the time, they think that when I am speaking so ‘bersemangat’, so enthusiastically… that MUST mean in this particular matter, I am losing my objectivity due to some sort of emotional involvement. But that is not true. I rarely get emotionally involved. When I am interested in something, I have always talked earnestly. Hit upon something that pique my interest, oh boy, I can really talk your ears off, making me seem totally different from my usual reserved self! (And this is when people would think I am too affected by something…when they see how I deviate from my taciturn quietness. When actually, I am not affected in any way, shape or form…. I am just interested in getting my point across because this is important!) When there is nothing interesting to talk about, no points of interest in any particular case, just the same old mundane thing….I will be quiet again especially when I am in a new environment. That’s just how I am. (And then I get accused of being sombong. Damn! Haha)

***

There was one time when I was late on the first day of one of my numerous postings. In my own defense, I wasn’t late through any fault of mine. The formal black-and-white letter that I had received had stated clearly that upon arriving to the place of posting, I should report to the Unit Sumber Manusia first. I actually arrived early at 7.20 and had been waiting at the Unit Sumber Manusia for what felt like ages before I was finally informed that I was supposed to be meeting my boss at another place, instead. So, it would be quite easy for people who didn’t know me at that time to have a first impression that I was not a punctual person. My boss had even insinuated that he was a ‘punctual person’ and I should try to be on time in the future, to which I had just replied “Sorry, but the letter I received had told me that I was supposed to report to the Unit Sumber Manusia first and that was where I’d been for the past one hour,”

If he had formed any first impression of my being late, would it be a correct impression, you think? When in actuality, I am very OCPD about time. I am quite anal about it! Hahah. I treat everybody’s time as equally precious, regardless of whether I am dealing with my superiors or my juniors. Whenever I am on-call with my HOs, if I told them to meet me at any particular ward to review a case at this particular time, I would whatsapp them 10 minutes before the designated time if I knew beforehand that I might not be able to make it on time. I feel anxious when I know people are waiting for me. I apologize sincerely whenever I am late even to my subordinates…. but I was not gonna feel so sorry if I was late through no fault of mine. In fact in the particular case of my being late in my posting, I was the aggrieved party here! I was misled by the letter that was given to me, so whose fault was that? I was even more upset than my boss because I am OCPD about time! (My whole family is OCPD about time, thanks to my father’s military-like training).

I respect everybody’s time…. my superiors’ time are not any more precious than my juniors’ time or my patients’ time. And I expect my time to be given equal regard, as it should.

So, can you see how misleading first impression can be? So, what is the basis of us putting so much stock on first impression?

In fact, why bother having a first impression, anyway?

But if you are gonna have one, you should have the right attitude and the right philosophy about it. For example, my philosophy of first impression is “I have this idea about you straight away based on my first impression of you… but I will reserve my judgment about you until I get to know you better. But if we are never again to have any future encounters, then I would not even remember my first impression of you because it doesn’t matter anymore. But if we are to become close in the future, it would not be BECAUSE OF or DESPITE OF my first impression….it would be because I have thoroughly assessed your character and have decided I like you, whatever my first impression of you had been. In BOTH cases, either I meet you again and we become close or not meet you again for the rest of my life, my first impression does not carry much weight at all. See?”

And to the ladies, please be highly suspicious of any man who says that they fall in love with you at the first sight. Instead of being flattered, think about what it means to have someone falling in love with you because of how you look! That is casanova alert! Aren’t you scared?Think about the cheapness of such a sentiment… to be loved so easily with just one look?? In the future, God knows with which beauty queen he would find himself in love with at the first sight AGAIN! Haha.

Love-At-First-Sight-Is-Often-Cured-rfg210desi14
Yup! In fact, don’t just take a second look…but take multiple looks first, ok! LOL.

***

Let me end my post with the saying of Saidina Umar Al-Khattab again. (You guys know that I think of Saidina Umar as my superhero) 😀  Read it, understand it and internalize it. Think about the day of the ultimate judgment. Perhaps, it will humble you.

Until next time, my dear readers.

umar judgment

Section 509 Penal Code

I believe that human beings being different from one another is a blessing bestowed by the Almighty to all of us that are wandering the face of this glorious earth. Allah said so himself.

“O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female,
And made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other
(Not that ye despise each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight
of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well-acquainted (with all things).”

(Quran – 49:13)

I have been told some time ago “Afiza, not everyone is like you. Some people care about other things and those things are just as important to them. Those things that are important to them influence their feelings and their actions too. Just like what you care about influence your feelings and your thinking and your actions. If things that we care about don’t influence our actions, well, we never really care about it in the first place, isn’t it? But people are different. Embrace the diversity.”

Well, I actually have embraced the diversity for a long time. But I manage the diversity by putting people into categories of whether they can fit in my table or they should sit in other tables. Whether they can be close friends or casual friends or just acquaintances.  

I actually think that it is a good thing that people are different. That’s how we learn from each other and that’s how we grow… when we come to understand that other people’s way of doing things are much better than ours in this particular context, (but not necessarily better in another context) we can adopt and adapt or fit and match our methods accordingly. It gave us certain nuance and flare that wisdom is so characterised by. 

So far, I have had fun finding out  that sometimes I could be wrong. (ok, it wasn’t fun, but it was educational… and education is kind of fun. So yeah, it can be fun in a convoluted roundabout way, if you know what I mean. haha)

But some things are objective. Some things are factual. Some things are not subject to your opinion or your preferences. Some  things are carved in stones because they are universal ethics that surpass any consideration of individual culture and local customs. And most importantly, some things have legal consequences. (ALTHOUGH, some things that are legal are not always the most fair or just, anyway. People in the parliament who MAKE the law are not infallible individuals. Sometimes, they overlook certain things. Sometimes, they have their own agendas and interest too. So bear in mind, that laws can have weaknesses and loopholes. And when the laws contradict universal principles of justice or ethics, they are BAD laws)

One particular issue that came up up in the (social) media had really pushed my brain into overdrive. Especially after I have read so many comments about it in our private doctors’ forum on Facebook. Nothing so polarize the medical fraternity more than the issue of the treatment of house officers, don’t you think? 

HO

I have talked about the issue of housemen in so many of my postings. But I never get tired of discussing it. It is like my pet issue, I think. In the same manner that I never get tired of talking about the rights of Muslim women, the rights of mentally-ill patients, the importance of practicing the Islamic religion fairly and correctly (rather than culturally and convolutedly), the quality of Malaysian education system or the importance of reading fiction and improving your language…haha. Those are my favourite topics. If you talk to me about those things… about books, psychiatry, women’s rights, education, bullying of house officers, the kind of weird rulings given by misguided so-called ustaz (giving people a bad impression that our religion doesn’t make sense when actually the religion should not be practiced in the manner they have jumud-ly described)…. I can talk about those issues all day long. (If ever I become a member of parliament, those will definitely be the issues I want to champion.)

Screenshot 2018-07-12 21.48.38
And many MOs/specialists keep on bashing about housemen as manja when they commented about this article. They thought it was shameful that HOs couldn’t fight for themselves and need to run to mummy and daddy to solve their issues or fight for them.  I wonder, what made them think that the HOs themselves had approved of the parents’ action of writing these things in the newspaper? Maybe the HOs do not even know that their parents were writing stuff in the newspaper on their behalf, right?

 

Everyone knows my stand on houseman issues. I have written about it ever since I myself was a house officer. And I have been consistent in my stand about them.

While I do think that HOs should stand up for themselves and fight their own battles without relying on their parents (because we are all adults here) while at the same time having excellent work ethics (do your work, no MIAs, continue to improve), I DO NOT and NEVER will I condone bullying, public humiliation, histrionic file-flying tantrums or any form of vulgar verbal abuse in the name of ‘tough training’. Never! 

Those are childish behaviours and reflect poor anger management and pathetic emotional regulation. Say what you want to say to your HOs firmly, give warning letters, terminate the HOs, go through the channel…. but mind your manners in front of your staff and your patients.

“Even in a declaration of war, one observes the rule of politeness.”

And….

“Manners maketh man”  😉

I admit that I have disagreed and crossed heated words with many people within my own department or inter-departmentally… but only when I feel they have crossed my sense of rightness and fair treatment (towards my patients, my colleagues or my department). I hate it when people make unfair or stupid decision and force me to abide by that decision simply because of their rank or position.  But even then, I have NEVER shouted or sprouted profanities. People generally know Afiza is upset, but Afiza has enough self-control and enough vocabulary to make her displeasure known without using vulgar profanities that reflects poor breeding. 

When I talk about politeness, I don’t mean you have to pretend you are not upset when you are. But there is no need to shout psychotically, and there is no call to broadcast to the whole ward of your displeasure in a histrionic attention-seeking high tone, with patients as witnesses to your childish public tantrums. Please…. pull yourself together! Say your piece assertively and move on. 

It is easy, isn’t it… to display your displeasure to a subordinate who you think is dumb! But how many people have dared to shout at their bosses who they also think as dumb? If you are upset at your bosses and you NEVER shout at them, how can you freely shout at your subordinates when you are upset with them? That’s preferential treatment based on rank, isn’t it? Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Or perhaps, more accurately, that is preferential treatment resulting from your own inner cowardice. Shame on you! At least, strive to treat people equally based on the merits that they deserve. If you treat your bosses nicely even when they are being dumb, then you should do the same to the subordinates as well. If you are the short-tempered type who cannot hold your temper with your subordinates, then I dare you to equally be short-tempered with your bosses. So that even as I cannot approve how you treat your subordinates, but at least, I am more likely to respect the CONSISTENCY of your conduct. Otherwise, I will go away thinking what a pretentious unprincipled cowards you are!  

I tend to treat my subordinates in a similar manner I treat my bosses… sometimes, even better. With my subordinates, I feel like I owe them a duty of care and a duty of protection. I am in friendlier terms with them than I could ever be with my bosses. I am in friendlier terms with my nurses and my HOs and my fellow MOs than with my bosses. My HOs are helping me with MY work… by rights, I am in-charge of my patients. Not them. They are only helping me while they are learning and training.

Similarly, that’s how specialists should think of MOs too. The specialists are the attending physicians. All the patients in the ward and the Klinik Pakar are the patients of the specialists… the MOs and the HOs are helping them. But the specialists are in-charge! That’s what attending physician means! The specialist MUST know in and out about the patient. 

Of course we all want competent helpers. MOs want competent HOs. And specialists want competent MOs. But at the end of the day, the patients in the ward belong to the specialists. FACTS! So, specialists should not pull a long face or make your subordinates feel like they have bothered you when they wanted to consult cases with you! They are YOUR cases! 

“An attending physician typically supervises fellows, residents, medical students and other practitioners. Attending physicians have final responsibility, legally and otherwise, for patient care, even when many of the minute-to-minute decisions are being made by house officers/residents.”

Get it? 

The moment you become a specialist, all the MOs/HOs under you are automatically your responsibility and patients seen by them are YOUR patients.

Frankly speaking, I would rather be the kind of specialist who is very approachable so that they won’t be afraid to let me know every single detail of my patient… easier for me to do some damage control should anything go wrong. If you are unapproachable, your subordinates might hide things from you or do not feel like some things are important enough to bother you with (because you always make them feel like they have bothered you whenever they approach you)  and by the time the shit hits the fan, it’s too late, ok! Your reputation goes down the drain. Scary isn’t it? 

So, how do you train your helpers? How do you help them to help you?! Teach them la! And teach them humanely. Because at the end of the day, they are helping you. Help to look after your patients for you. They help you… and this is how you treat them? By bullying them? And cursing at them? 

Teach them how to best serve you and adapt to your style of management. And you are not going to be able to do that with your childish (bordering on criminal) behaviour.  

***

Another doctor in our doctor’s forum had pointed out that insulting someone’s modesty is also a criminal act! He highlighted Section 509 of the Penal Code to educate doctors in the forum who were bashing “housemen these days”. In him, I find some hope in the future of our medical culture.

Shall we see what Section 509 of the Penal Code said, hmmm?  

Section 509: Word or gesture intended to insult the modesty of a person

Whoever, intending to insult the modesty of any person, utters any word, makes any sound or gesture, or exhibits any object, intending that such word or sound shall be heard, or that such gesture or object shall be seen by such person, or intrudes upon the privacy of such person, shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to five years or with fine or with both.

It is not even necessary to talk about legal sections on assault (Section 351 of the Penal Code deals with assault).  Because insulting someone’s modesty is already a criminal act!

Do you want to be a criminal MO or a criminal specialist? Hahah. Just because you want to “tunjuk lagak” you might end up having your practicing license revoked when you end up becoming a criminal. So, be warned! 

This is the law! No one can argue with what the law has clearly stated! (You see, I am doing forensic psychiatry now… So I am at the ‘look at the law’ phase of training. Haha)

***

So my take home message to housemen and all doctors: Do not ever tolerate abuse by anyone in the medical fraternity. Of course people cannot always go along with each other because, yes… we have different personalities with different drive, different goals, different (conflict of) interests…. BUT!  be mindful of the Section 509 of the Penal Code.

After all said and done, some  things are objective and not subject to your own biased opinion. When it comes to the law, we don’t give a fig about what happened “during your time” or whether “You came from a tough generation who became oh-so-great via gangster-like training“ or whether “The HOs who lodged a report against you was weak and manja” . The law doesn’t care about those irrelevant non-issues! When you insult someone’s modesty with a word or a gesture… doesn’t matter whether he is manja or otherwise, competent or otherwise, responsible or otherwise….you have committed a crime under the Section 509 Penal Code. (Because you could have dealt with incompetent HOs by giving them warning letters and terminate them through the right channel. There was NO NEED to insult or threaten them. So, when you did that, you have become a criminal! Got it?) If the HO decided to sue your ass…. you are doomed!

Wouldn’t it be easier for you to simply remain polite, give the HO a warning letter and then proceed to terminate the HO…all done in a pleasant and civilised manner through the channel? Why expend all that energy scolding and harassing people only to get sued in the end, risking your career and your livelihood in the process? 

Think about it.