On Medical studies and Academic Pursuit:

This is when PMS will be all-month long

Tomorrow, I will begin a new rotation: The Killer General Medicine Rotation.

This is the MOST IMPORTANT rotation in the final year. I don’t think I will have much more time to do much reading, let alone to commence on any in-depth research for an article.

I know, I promised (almost a year ago) to do a balanced scientific literature review on Homosexuality. Alhamdulillah, I have managed to collect all the pseudo-scientific arguments for homosexuality; I am still in the middle of collecting the scientific facts against it…. and then I will put them up for people to make up their mind, insya Allah. For me, my religious stand is clear.

But I can’t promise when I will finally get all the research done. But, it’s in my list, and I have done a draft on it.

Beginning from tomorrow, I might make myself scarce from the on-line universe. There’s so much events happening around the world…so much exciting things I have read and wanted to blog about (Gillard replacing Rudd, the Malaysian government decision to withdraw sports gambling permits, the entrance of many so-called ulama into a secular political party, update on Palestine etc etc.) but unfortunately, I really do not have much time.

The process of writing a blog is a very intimate process to me, which gives  me a lot of mental relaxation, but also a lot of distraction: I have to read from many sources, and then I have to analyze them and then I have to make up my mind, and then I have to decide what to include and not to include in an article. It’s a long process that for the sake of priority, I have to abandon them for now, and focus on my academic. It’s sad, really. I am totally going to miss writing (but I intend to still persevere with my reading; just not writing them up.)

Not me! Someone from Google

In 6 weeks time, there will be one really big and important long case exam. It takes planning and priority, for I also have other non-academic commitments plus other non-academic list of readings that I have to finish. See, I am trying to convince myself why I should give up writing!

Have I mentioned that I am soo going to miss blogging? *sigh*

It’s hard to believe that insha Allah, in 4 months, I will become a doctor. It’s been 5 long years! Make du’a for me, I am soo going to need it.

Update on the house:

The squeaky clean bachelorette house

It’s been 7 months since I  moved into this blessed household, with 5 other beautiful housemates. I have enjoyed myself immensely and can only thank Allah for letting me end up into this house, even though I was reluctant, initially.

Because my room is at the very anterior part of the house, I am the unofficial butler of the house. I opened the door to every guest that comes for a visit most of the time, welcome them in and announce their arrival to the rest of the other housemates. I don’t mind doing that job EXCEPT when I am sleeping and it was really late or when I was really super-duper busy, or when I was wearing something indecent for public viewing in which case I have to rush like mad in putting on something more acceptable. I also especially hate having to answer the door to every Jehovah witness, product promoter, nosy neighbour and anyone who wants to chat excessively. That would be the time when I would go, WHY aren’t other people taking turns opening the door for once!

Looking back, I feel pretty stupid for waiting so long to make a decision to move off campus. I have made up my mind that living off-campus is soo much better than living on-campus. Especially when my landlady came in for a visit just now to announce that she is going to replace our normal boring tv with a flat screen tv for us SOON. *eyes sparkling with anticipation*. Just imagine all the digital channels that are available for the pleasure of my viewing. But knowing that this semester would be the busiest semester of my entire medical studies, I wonder when would I have the time to properly enjoy the flat screen tv. Remembering that is enough to pop my balloon.

My house is also awesome for its inhabitants.

My housemates are my seniors; they have taught me a lot. You see, one of the best ways to learn about life is to hang out with those older than you. You learn a lot from their experience. And you mature so much faster too.You see, generation gap does have its purpose.

One of my housemate is a PhD student who has 3 adorable kids. The kids are currently in Malaysia with her ex-husband and his new wife. She divorced her husband a few year ago, and now maintains a good relationship with her ex-husband as well as her new wife for the sake of the kids.  It’s very interesting talking to her about what she has gone through. Makes me a wiser woman (on what kind of men to avoid at all cost, lol). Not even medicine (the study of the miracle of Allah’s finest creation) is as complex as relationship, I now know. I wonder why our parents make it look so simple, when it’s totally not.

But the bottom line is, I learn a lot moving into this house. All direct and indirect and circumstantial knowledge! Virtues learned and strengthened through experience. Patience, perseverance, compromise…it’s true what people have said about the university of life.

Update on Future Career:

-The thing is, SPA is going to conduct an interview for oversea students starting from the 3oth of June to early July. And I only knew about it 2 days ago.

-I haven’t decided whether to come for the interview at this time or wait until I get back to Malaysia.

-Hopefully, next time they would give us at least two weeks notice to get prepared. There are many documents to be prepared and some of the documents are in Malaysia! Plus, we have to arrange to get leave from our supervisor.

-And I am not comfortable just walking into an interview, not really knowing what is expected of me. I suppose, I have to do some pre-reading about Malaysian Government Policy, or something about rukunneagara and what nots. Again, on top of my medical studies, sudden notice like this is really inconvenient.

Really inconvenient. Most likely, I won’t make it to the interview.

That’s all the update for now, I leave my readers with a good quotation that I had learned from a talk regarding Muqaddimah Fi Zilal Al-Quran. I love the meaning and I also especially love the way it rhymes when spoken in arabic. Here goes:

“Laysa fi al-Imkan Abda‘u Mimma Kan.” – In Arabic

“Tidak ada kemungkinan2 yang lebih cantik daripada apa yang telah berlaku” – In Malay

“There is no possibility of anything more perfect than what exists.” – In English.

I told you, did I not, the saying rhymes best in Arabic.

The Signs:Time, Life and Death.

By Time; verily man is in loss.

The Time within which we live, is Allah’s creation.

We live within Time.

We are powerless to escape from Time.

Despite what science fiction propagates, despite the Terminator movies made populour by Schwarzenegger’s amazing muscle bulk, despite the scientific investigation on time travel (it is said that if we can move fast enough to beat the speed of light, we could time travel for sure), I am very certain that you could NEVER time travel.

Speed of light; it is said that this is the speed of the angels.

And what is the basis of my certainty? Surely, nothing is impossible in this age of swift scientific development.

Scientific development is THE MODERN MIRACLE, say them. Surely what you can’t explain now, you can see the evidence in later years right before your own eyes. Dare I doubt time travel now? Just because I could not compute how it works?

Take the telephone for example. Wallahi, had we lived in this world 200 years ago, we would never be able to compute how the telephone could ever come into being! (what? you are trying to invent s device that will enable you to hear another person’s voice from thousand of miles away? Dream on, my good man! I wish you luck in your endeavour.) Come to think of it, its supposed impossibility back then would be as great as time travel is for us now. Being in Australia, thousand miles apart from my family in Malaysia, it’s amazing how I could talk to them quite easily just as though we are only separated by a thin curtain.

The telephone is indeed magical!

But the magic and the wonder and even the appreciation of it is gone in this age where telephone is our everyday household furniture; especially when you start explaining about how sounds can be transmitted electrically, and then you threw in fantastic words (to the then still amazed audience) like microphone, amplifier, and satellite etc etc. So now, all the mechanism has been thoroughly explained with all its proper scientific principles. People gradually forgot their amazement of the telephone over time, as though by being able to scientifically explain these things make the telephone less special than it really is. Furthermore, the kids who have never been without a telephone, whose lives begin with the telephone always being around, did not even bother to be amazed as their ancestors had.

We forgot to be amazed about the ORIGIN of electricity. The atom consisting of electron and proton and neutron….how they interact with one another, how they move to give us electricity. Alexander Graham Bell only made use of this principles but it was NOT he who made those electrons/protons/neutrons behave that way. It was NOT he who made metals have the inherent ability as an electric conductor.

In other words, scientists only DISCOVERED the fact about electricity and metals. But they did NOT make electricity and metals behave the way they behave to benefit humankind. They discovered (of course with a lot of investigative effort) and then they explained. That’s it. So, how arrogant are WE to think that just because we can explain things scientifically,(NOT create the behaviour of the things we explain mind you, but just discovering and explaining them) means that God does not exist.

How have we been deluded!


Explain HOW do we die? I am a medical student, and I am still at a lost as to how to medically and scientifically explain HOW do we die?

You see, medicine taught me a whole lot about mechanism of diseases. But they always end the mechanism just before the ‘death’. They explain a lot about how this loss of function in a specific organ, over the years can cause metabolic derangement inside the blood (maybe due to bad kidneys, for example), this then causes gradual worsening of the patient, and then her initial disease begins to affect her other organs (of course these are all explained using BIG scientific words) and then she eventually dies due to the accumulative major insults to her body.

But no one explains the exact mechanism of dying! Basically the heart just stop beating, the pupils become fixed and dilated. Electrical activity in the brain stopped. The patient no longer respond to noxious stimuli.

But WHY does all these happen? I am confused as to the cause-and-effect relationship of death. Does death cause all these activities to stop, or does the stopping of these activities cause death?

There’s no CLEAR, EXACT mechanism. I could not recall EVER being specifically told about the mechanism of death in the lecture theater. I am now at my last semester of medical studies, insya Allah. For almost 5 years now, I have never been scientifically told step-by-step, the exact sequence of events of death. Death is simply an eventuality of some insults to the body.

So….maybe I should try to explain the mechanism of death myself. *take a deep breath*

Here goes:

Afiza’s theory of the mechanism of death:

” Well, when an insult to your body happens… the insult could be anything….maybe a heart attack, causing part of your myocardial cells to die,which in turn causes a decrease in the pumping action of your heart before the heart beat eventually ceased. Because your heart stops beating, your brain receives insufficient blood flow . Because your brain regulates EVERYTHING inside you, including your ability to breathe spontaneously, (that’s why people who are dying usually will get those scary noisy irregular breathing and gasping) you then do not get enough oxygen for your body, because your respiratory action is now compromised when your brain is not able to regulate your breathing as well as it would normally. When you don’t get enough oxygen to the brain, the brain eventually stops functioning and no brain activity can be detected eventually…so, the rest of your body now do not get any blood flow as well as any oxygen, therefore all your cells will die eventually, causing you to die.”

Really? Is that the exact sequence of events of death? Are we dead because our heart and our brain stop functioning? Or does the heart and brain stop functioning because we are dead?

Look at the ‘Afiza’s theory of the mechanism of death again’.

Is that really what happens when you die? That all millions of individual cells slowly die together at the same time, and then and ONLY then you die?

Is that really how you die? Because scientifically, if we wait for our individual cells to die, before we ourselves will die…that will take a very longggg time! In fact, something has got to happen first(whether you believe it or not, that ‘something’ is the angel of death taking your soul away from your body) to have caused what we call as death…and only THEN the individual cell die slowly. That’s what the decaying process is all about.

The Decaying Process only happens ONCE you die. NOT before. If it happens BEFORE you die, we call this phenomena as necrosis/gangrenous tissue and you can always cut them away and you will still live to see the next day. That’s why you can still see those who walk around with part of their limbs missing….because if it is only our cells that die, the surgeons can cut them away! When your cells die, YOU don’t necessarily die.

But with death; something inside you change FIRST (a lack of soul maybe?) and only then you get the decaying process of the rest of your individual cells.

It’s amazing, isn’t it? That as a medical student, we never really ponder about the mechanism of death. We didn’t even realize that all the pathophysiology of diseases that we learn always have one particular part missing. The part just before the patient is pronounced dead!

There’s something missing and incomplete in each and every mechanism of death known to mankind. I mean…people can have part of every vital organ dead but they themselves can still be alive! That’s what happens in stroke and heart attack and in renal failure after an event of renal artery stenosis.You are alive still, though bits and pieces of your organs have died.

In fact by the time you are immediately pronounced dead, none of your cells are yet dead! That’s why the dead can donate their organs because those organs (and the individual cells that make up the organs) are still alive for a short period of time. You can somehow preserve the organs…YET you are dead. So is there any particular part in our body (that we don’t know, if we are reluctant to call it soul) that has to be gone to have caused the abrupt (it’s abrupt!!) cessation of activity that is called death? The abrupt cessation of activity is DRAMATIC:

1)the eyes even if they remain open (and all the cells that make up the visual pathway in the brain  are still intact) become unable to see. Unseeing, lifeless eyes.

2)all parts of the mouth, the tongue and the part of the brain cortex that controls its movements are still alive…yet the person could not speak.

3)all the cells that make up the nose and the olfactory pathway inside the brain are still intact, those cells are not yet dead…yet the person could not smell.

4)All the cells and tissues and organs that make up the auditory pathway are still vital, yet the person could not listen.

4)I can list everything that could be construed as the abrupt cessation of activity, but it would make up a very long list; in fact, the heart may still be beating, the primitive reflexes could still be elicited…yet, the person is dead!


The ultimate explanation is: death happens when there’s no soul inside the body! The soul is taken away abruptly. I would like to see the atheists who deny life after death, try to explain whether or not they believe in the existence of the soul, something they could not see with their own eyes.

Because the fact is, death is a miracle that no one can explain.

Death is a miracle because life is a miracle. Truly.

Life is a miracle because the soul is a miracle:

1)When you say you ‘see’ something…who is seeing it? Is it the cornea? Is it the iris? Is it the lens? Is it the aqueous humour? Is it the retina? Is it the optic nerve? Is it the occipital cortex? WHICH part of your eyes actually ‘see’? Let’s revise the whole visual pathway again….from the cornea to the occipital cortex…WHICH of them actually do the seeing! The occipital cortex and all the rest are just a bunch of cells! It’s your SOUL that actually does the seeing. The cornea, the iris and the optic nerves up until the occipital cortex are only heaps of individual cells that each have a specific function to make you ‘see’…but the one who is doing the ‘seeing’ are not the cells! But YOU…YOUR SOUL!

2)The same thing can be said about the act of hearing! Who is doing the hearing?? Is it the auditory canal (rofl)? The ear drum (of course not!)?The trochlea? The part of the brain called the primary auditory cortex? NO! NO! None of them actually do the hearing! They all have a specific function to enable hearing….but ultimately WHO is doing the hearing! Is it The Cells? Or is it YOU, THE SOUL?

Think about it!

The body is just a vessel for the soul to be able to do its activity. If the soul is gone, the body would no longer serve any purpose, regardless of whether or not all its parts are still well and alive and kicking.

The body is dead when the soul is gone.

Diseases/injuries/insults are just the so-called explanatory cause of death. But WHAT actually happens is the fulfillment of God’s promise in the Quran : Each soul shall taste death! It is God that takes our soul at death. Doubt this not.

“Every soul shall have taste of death; In the end to us shall you be brought back.(Surah Al-‘Ankabut The Spider 29:57)

“It is God that takes the souls at death; and those that die not during their sleep. Those on whom He has passed the decree of death, He keeps back (from returning to  life) but the rest He sends (to their bodies) for a term appointed. Verily in this are Signs for those who reflect. (Surah Al-Zumar – The Crowds 39:42)

I am a medical student…and that’s why I always try to relate my studies with my religion. And now I can really relate why it has been said that only those who are intelligent would reflect about death. Because that is one of THE SIGNS that God exists! Now, you can remain aloof and keep denying it…or you can start doing some serious thinking. Are you going to remain stubborn by saying “Until I could see God myself and have talked to him and until there is good scientific proof (that satisfy me, of course), I will keep being an atheist.” or are you going to use your reflection on death as a stepping stone to further your journey in finding God.

First ask yourself, what would constitute as a concrete proof for you that God exists? Which level of evidence would satisfy you of God’s existence? Will your satisfaction be met, ONLY if you are able to see and speak to God yourself? Will there be a possibility that if indeed God does come and speak to you, you would still deny Him? Because what will stop you from asking Him ‘Prove to me that you are God!’.

What will stop you from demanding the proof of the proof?

But God is above all your childish demands. In fact, the psychology of the atheist, that when they are given a proof, they would keep denying it, is well documented in the Quran:

And never came a Messenger to them but they did mock him. Thus do We let disbelief enter the hearts of the Mujrimun. Consequently, they cannot believe in him (the messenger). This has been the system since the past generations. And even if we opened for them a gate from the heaven,and they were to keep on ascending thereto (all day long), they would surely say (in the evening) “Our eyes have been deceived. We have been bewitched.” (15:12-15)

See? It’s the SYSTEM OF THE PAST GENERATION (i.e atheism is not a brand new belief). They will be amazed at a certain proof, and a short while later, they will disbelieve again.

You see, it was never a question of proof.

When the DNA was first discovered, people were amazed! The ultimate proof that life cannot exist by chance. That DNA is consisted of protein which needs another protein (an enzyme) to work and even that enzyme needs another enzyme to work! Everything needs everything else in order for the whole system to work. Everything should come in exact working order from the very beginning for even one tiny cell to work properly.

But after that initial amazement of its discovery, then the denial come back. Not unlike the situation in the verse above, their denial even if it doesn’t sound like “our eyes have been deceived”, but the spirit and the enormity of its denial is similar.

To believe after REASONABLE proof has been given, is a conscious decision. You MUST make that decision. Don’t blame a lack of proof, when you don’t even know what kind of proof would satisfy you.

If you are sincere, you will find what you seek.

But if your noise and demand of ‘scientific proof’ is just your way of trying to sound (arrogantly) brilliant and intelligent, then know that Allah loves not those who are arrogant. How can you expect to learn when you are not humble?


Back to why I was so certain, despite the swift scientific development in this age, that we can never time travel…

Well because I believe that whatever has happened is fated. The pen is lifted and the ink has dried. Being able to time travel (in order to change events and benefit from it, of course. Otherwise why would you even bother?) would not fit with the concept of fate; qada and qadar. No one can change our qada and qadar….so how can we time-travel to the past?

Well, but how about time-travel to the future?

Allah says that He alone knows what is in front of us, he knows what is in the future and we don’t; we would not know when we will die, how we will die, where will we die. So if we can time travel to the future, that promise would not fit.

So, our time is very precious exactly because there is no second chances. What has passed you, you can not return to. What is yet to happen, you cannot know for certain.

So, value your time.

Time is Life…

…and like death, it is THE SIGN of God’s existence.

P/S : This post is inspired by a blog that I accidentally stumbled upon, owned by an atheist. I read some of his posts and my heart is saddened by the blindness of mankind.

My Thoughts On Abortion…

The fact is such that the only perfect contraception is saying no!

Oral Contraceptive Pills are not 100% effective!

IUD are not 100% effective!

Implanon are not 100% effective!

Abstinence is the only way to give you the certainty you covet when it comes to preventing pregnancy.


I am almost ashamed to admit that in Malaysia, there are currently many cases of abandoned newborns discovered by the authorities almost every week. These babies were, presumably, babies who were born out of wedlock, being brought into this cruel, evil world with secrecy by a husband-less teenage mother who then decided to throw the baby into some secluded areas (some of them thrown into the pit, into the nearby bushes, into the garbage bin, or left at the door of some establishments where by the time the babies were discovered they were effectively bruised, blue and dead!).

Look at the pictures below!

How dare they!

WHY did you carry the baby into full-term if only to discard them like some rubbish? Did you suppose your not aborting the baby earlier, made killing them at the end better?

But I guess, the answer to those questions above are perfectly clear…

In Malaysia abortion is not legal, therefore they were not given the CHOICE or the FREEDOM to abort the baby earlier…and thus they were forced to carry the baby into full term before killing it!

What a dilemma this is turning out to be! Should we make abortion legal??

As a Muslim, we will NEVER say yes to abortion, unless it poses serious medical hazard for the mother. But at the same time, there are so many cases of full term babies being thrown away by these teenagers who thought they were old enough to have sex but not old enough to carry the responsibility that comes with it!


To my non-Muslim readers…

In Islam, we are allowed to use any contraception to prevent pregnancy, but Islam also recognizes that this contraception is not totally perfect. So the guideline is, if you fall pregnant regardless of the use of contraception, you should not abort the baby; unless there’s a specific harm to the mother medically or the baby is a result of incest. In the case of rape, again that is sometimes optional, depending on what the mother wants and depending on how the mother’s mental health would be affected by bearing the baby of her rapist. But all rape victims should take all the necessary precautions, for example, taking the morning-after pill.

According to European Council for Fatwa and Research:

Indeed, abortion is forbidden in Islam whether it be in the earlier stages of pregnancy or otherwise. The extent of sin incurred varies according to the stage of pregnancy, so that less sin would be incurred if the abortion took place during the early stages, while it becomes increasingly haram (unlawful) as the pregnancy advances. When the pregnancy reaches 120 days old, abortion becomes totally forbidden and is deemed a form of murder that results in compensation becoming liable. This compensation is equal in value to 213 grams of gold, and it is given to the heir who did not participate in the abortion (i.e., brother/sister or grandparent(s), etc., according to the laws of inheritance).

However, the only condition under which abortion is allowed is when there is an actual threat to the life of the mother confirmed by an official medical report that if the pregnancy advances any further, the mother may die.

If I ever become an O&G specialist, I shall never ever perform an abortion unless it specifically poses a medical problem to the mother.

If you got pregnant because you have been careless and foolish enough to not use contraception, then why are you crying now? You know that every action has its own consequences and part of being a good responsible adult is to bear them with dignity.

I believe that there are consequences that you have to bear out of your freedom of choice. I find it amusing that a lot of people talk to me about how Muslims women are oppressed, they couldn’t choose their own course of action yadda yadda yadda…

What they don’t know is that the reasons we don’t choose a particular action are

1)because it is against our belief. So, in the first place, we choose to believe!

2) Because we know there are great consequences that you need to bear out of your action. And if you think you can’t carry the responsibility of being a mother just yet or that the father was not the ‘right man’ (whatever that means) or that this is not the ‘right time’, then why didn’t you take steps to prevent the pregnancy from happening in the first place?

Granted that sometimes despite of everything that you do, despite of all the contraception that you use, accidents happen.

But you knew that there’s a chance of that happening! Your doctor would have told you all the estimate percentage of failure of contraception. But still, you use your freedom of choice to choose to take that risk.

And now that you have to bear the consequence, again you choose to exercise the same exact ‘freedom of choice’ to abort. When does this freedom of choice end? People use that same expression ad nauseam to justify every action you do (bad or otherwise).

Our freedom is limited by other people’s freedom and our rights are limited by other people’s rights.

This is exactly when our freedom of choice ends. Now that you have borne a child, your rights are limited by the rights of the unborn child.

Now, they get into the debate of whether or not an unborn child has any rights. And if an unborn child has any rights, at what gestational stage?

Really, who is the best person to determine all that? To those who are religious, they would say God is the best person to determine that since He created us all. To those who are atheist, they would use another justification and their reasoning varies and their answers would range from the very beginning of conception to implantation to 20 gestational weeks.

You are getting into a gray area, a muddy water! In these circumstances, people then choose whatever they want to believe base on their own private justification. There’s no uniformity and no consistencies.

So, people should think twice before they think that all the religious restriction on a woman’s sexual expression is limiting their freedom of choice. In Islam, we prefer to prevent than cure. You don’t have to deal with all these mind-boggling issues if you choose to follow the guidelines (though some might prefer to call it restrictions. Again, we can label these things whatever we want) in the first place, i.e, to be married before you have sex and to make sure that you are ready to bear children before having sex.

But problems arise when people don’t want to follow what they call as ‘restriction’ and when bad consequence happens as a result of them not following the initial restriction, they start thinking that the bad consequence is another restriction that they need to escape from. This cycle would go on and on until we stop and realize that we should take responsibility from our choice.

For all these reasons, I choose to never perform an abortion without any valid reasons other than the pill doesn’t work and this is not the right time or I was not with the right man. You knew coming in that no contraception is 100 percent effective, yet you chose to take the risk anyway, so bear the consequence in a mature adult manner. (of course my whole manner and intonation would be adjusted accordingly as a health professional who has to counsel these cases in a sensitive, empathetic style.)


To my Muslim readers…

A sense of responsibility is the first sign of adulthood.

As a Muslim student studying in a non-Muslim country, I am filled with deep shame and embarrassment.

Sometimes, a non-Muslim teenager knows better. No matter how much people frown on teenage pregnancy in Australia, I applauded their decision to carry the pregnancy through, regardless. At least, THEY know the concept of taking responsibility for their choice.  (Instead sometimes we could see the Australian independent adults who were the ones wanting to abort).

But our MUSLIM Malaysian teenagers are a bunch of coward, spineless species.

Or is it because we, as a culture, tend to punish rather than lovingly educate? That when these things happen, we tend to judge the woman all her life. Rather than offering them help, we offer them stigma. Rather than empowering them to repent from the past sin and avoid committing another sin of killing an innocent baby, we make them PAY for their past sin with words of shame and chastisement. We forgot that ultimately, it is never our place to judge another person’s worth. We forgot that no matter how big other people’s sin is, it would be nothing if Allah has forgiven it; and no matter how small our sin is, it would be everything if Allah has chose to punish.

How dare we! How dare we have allowed our society to become this rigid, this judgmental, this loveless…until our fellow Muslim brothers and sisters are scared to shoulder their responsibility after having sinned and repented.

How dare we have forgotten this perfect story of mercy according to this hadeeth:

There came to him (the Holy Prophet) a woman from Ghamid and said: Allah’s Messenger, I have committed adultery, so purify me. He (the Holy Prophet) turned her away. On the following day she said: Allah’s Messenger, Why do you turn me away? Perhaps, you turn me away as you turned away Ma’iz. By Allah, I have become pregnant. He said: Well, if you insist upon it, then go away until you give birth to (the child). When she was delivered she came with the child (wrapped) in a rag and said: Here is the child whom I have given birth to. He said: Go away and suckle him until you wean him. When she had weaned him, she came to him (the Holy Prophet) with the child who was holding a piece of bread in his hand. She said: Allah’s Apostle, here is he as I have weaned him and he eats food. He (the Holy Prophet) entrusted the child to one of the Muslims and then pronounced punishment. And she was put in a ditch up to her chest and he commanded people and they stoned her. Khalid b Walid came forward with a stone which he flung at her head and there spurted blood on the face of Khalid and so he abused her. Allah’s Apostle (may peace be upon him) heard his (Khalid’s) curse that he had hurled upon her. Thereupon he (the Holy Prophet) said: Khalid, be gentle. By Him in Whose Hand is my life, she has made such a repentance that even if a wrongful tax-collector were to repent, he would have been forgiven. Then giving command regarding her, he prayed over her and she was buried. [vii]

Note that the prophet Muhammad S.A.W had refused to punish this woman multiple times. The first time the woman came to the prophet, he turned her away. The punishment was carried out at the insistence of the woman, herself. And she has asked for that punishment in order to purify herself. Not because anyone was forcing the punishment upon her.  And when Khalid had cursed the woman, the prophet with his gentle words had uplifted her status even though she was an adulterer. The prophet had basically given his assurance that the woman’s repentance had been accepted and her sin forgiven.

Maybe, just maybe….if we are more understanding, less judgmental; more educating, less punishing…maybe we would see our Muslim teenagers take the responsibility just as well as the non-Muslim teenagers here.


In Gaza, A Struggle Is Normal

I have just finished my Emergency Rotation OSCE exam. Alhamdulillah, that went well, I think.

But that is not what I would like to blog about.

The exam was over and done with. Forgotten.

But the sufferings of the Palestinians in GAZA is still going on…ad nauseam. I could not do anything for them, save the constant praying for them to endure this tribulation and for their spirit to survive the brutality of their torturer. I could not do much except to propagate awareness in my FB status and links. I could not do much, but to forget them just because I can’t do much is  a crime.

Three days before the exam, I was shocked by the news on the lethal Israeli raid on the Flotilla Aid. To study for an exam when my Muslim brothers and sisters in Palestine could hardly make their ends meet, felt like  a betrayal.

Every time I glanced around the HIC (Hunter Library Information Common), my eyes hurt. I saw the Australian strangers around me laughing among themselves, cracking jokes as though at the other side of the world everything was intact and whole. I saw the Australian strangers around me walking fast, all in a rush to their lecture theaters or to the cafeterias…everything was normal for them.

And it made me feel so guilty to bend my head low over my Advanced Life Support notes, as though everything was normal for me too. I felt guilty,  because to study now would feel like I too, was acting my usual normal self. How could I?

But WHAT could I do? Would stop studying and failing an exam be enough show of my support for the Palestinian cause?So, feeling torn, again I kept reading my notes. But my concentration span was laughable at best.

For the first time in my life, I truly realized HOW MUCH the Muslims have weakened. I was hit by a sense of profound inadequacy that I have never felt before.

I read the Australian newspaper to have a look at their take on the Flotilla raid. I read the comment sections written by the Australian readers. Some of them were very pro-Israel, but there was also quite a number of readers who were enlightened to the real issue in Palestine.

I was overcome with anger and grief when I read some of the stupidest, thoughtless comments by these Australians. How dare they! How dare they sat in their office desk, drinking their coffee, surrounded by all the trappings of comfort and civilization and then judged the action of desperate and oppressed Palestinians. As a medical student who has just finished an Emergency Rotation, I have seen MANY people attempting suicide for the trivial reasons of relationship breakups, and routine teenage crisis. And we were taught to treat them with empathy and understanding; not to point any finger of judgment their way. How do they utilize their thinking….that they can feel empathy towards someone who committed suicide for stupid, trivial reasons, yet could not fathom, could not even imagine, could not even TRY to put themselves in the Palestinian shoes when these Palestinians decided to become suicide bombers in order to kill their enemies who have brutalized them for decades and who have oppressed them for the same period of time.

How dare they persist in their short-thinking stupidity and idiocy!!

Do these Australians think that people become suicide bombers for fun? That they they had nothing better to do? That tired of having a normal and fun life, they just one day wake up and just decide to kill themselves with bomb just for the heck of it?

THINK!! If they have any other choice to make their torturer feel even an inkling of the sufferings they suffer every day, would they have chosen to commit suicide bombing? These people are desperate for help. They don’t have high-tech military weapons as Israel does. They know they are going to die anyway, sooner or later. So, since they will die anyway, why not kill their brutal enemy in the process? Then maybe, they will not die in vain!

It’s simple logic.

For the life of me, I do not understand the western people twisted thinking process. I suppose, they can only empathize on relationship problems and routine crisis because that’s what they face everyday. To them, a stupid break-up from a less than appreciative partner is catastrophic enough! So, they can totally empathize with such reason for suicide. They have never faced having their home and property bulldozed or forcefully stolen, or their children killed, or their father being put in prison for no other reason than defending their country. How could they have any empathy on these events; after all Palestinians have nothing to do with them.

Reading the comments posted by the blind pro-Israel readers has made me realized one thing… my Muslim nation needs my service more than anyone else. If I stay in Australia, I will be giving my service to people who the large majority of them do not appreciate Muslims and do not care about the sufferings of Muslims. I have my pride. I will not stay where I am not appreciated, or even wanted.

Deciding to do my internship in Malaysia is the best decision I have ever made. I could no longer be among these people. I never belonged. Once in Malaysia, I would choose a good NGO to be active in, insya Allah. An NGO that is passionate for the Palestinian cause. Maybe then, I could resolve this guilty feelings and would feel like I am doing something.

In Australia, it’s so easy for me to be selfish.

Any semblance of normalcy has vanished for me…my heart cried for them. I know in my heart that if all Muslims in the world could gather their resources and declare war on Israel, if all Muslims in the world can be united and can show a serious determination for jihad, I am willing to quit my medical course right now and get enlisted.

It wouldn’t be hard to do. I have always wanted to be in the army. It would not even be a sacrifice on my part to quit medicine, a course that I was not very passionate about to begin with. Because if that war does take place, it’s gonna be big enough to qualify as the third world war….we’re talking about serious collaborative effort among all Muslims countries to go to war against Israel and its allies! With a war of that particular scale….no one would care about a medical degree, not even MARA. With a World War taking place, all normal activity (like being at the uni) would cease, anyway. So, it won’t be a sacrifice at all to quit medicine if a third world war is going to take place.

But when no countries are willing to fight the arrogance of Israel (except for the Turkey Prime Minister) then it would simply be a wasteful sacrifice to quit medicine, a course that I would graduate from in only another semester, insya Allah.

So, painfully, I bent my head low, to continue reading my Advanced Life Support Notes. However, I know, I can no longer feel blissful ignorance now. As a Muslim, I have a duty to God and humanity. As are you, my dear readers.

When the time comes to go to war, we should all be ready to give up our ‘normal’ life and get enlisted. But until then, we can guiltily, continue leading as normal a life as possible, bearing in mind that in GAZA, a struggle is what’s normal.

Forgive My Scowl

I beg your forgiveness when I scowl,
For, understand dear, how was I to smile,
The invisible chain holding me now,
prevents my running from mile to mile,
to reach them, my brothers and sisters,
to save the rest, if not others.

Forgive me if I scowl,
In my mind the judgment day,
The day I shall wail and howl,
When asked by HIM, “Hey,
what have you done to those who prey
on the Muslim bodies in Palestine lay.”

Forgive me, yet again,
For scowling incessantly so.
But how do I give words to my pain,
What shall I say for you to know,
How can I make you understand,
The powerful sentiment in my heart grow,
When saving my relations in Palestine,
my ability amounts to a near zero.

Forgive my scowl, now and forever,
I have no smile to bestow,
Not for you, nor any onlooker,
Until I can raise my head that is bent low,
Until I could look at myself in the mirror,
No smile for you; not ever.

-Afiza Azmee-

In remembrance of 2010 Flotilla Raid by Israel.

I seem free.But the reality is, there’s an invisible chain holding me. Stuck here, envying others the HONOUR to die for what they believe. Ya Allah, one day give me the opportunity to make up for my current reality, my shameful incapacity.

Until they kill every single practicing Muslim in the world, they will never see an end to the war in Baitulmaqdis. Until they give back every square inch of the land they had illegally taken from the Palestinian, the status quo shall remain. By Allah, in whose hands my soul is, this is my promise.