Happy Birthday, Mak! I love you VERY MUCH!!

Yesterday was my mother’s birthday. And of all the time in the world to run out of credit, that was the day. Because I could not bring myself to ignore the tug of tenderness I felt towards this great woman who bore me with patience inside her womb for 9 months and brought me up with loving care and affection, I went to Jesmond to buy my Optus recharge (even though exam is just in another 4 days and I could do without the extra time spent in Jesmond) so that I could text her and give her a call.

My mother is a very anxious mother. She worries endlessly, which at times can be very endearing, and at others can exacerbate my own anxiety, LOL. I love her for many reasons. And at times of excessive pressure (exam time!!) I would miss her and home so much, it’s almost unbearable.

My elder sister was surprised when she knew. She said, “Hang nampak cam tough jaaa.”

Hahaha! Just because I am tough, doesn’t mean I am devoid of normal human emotion. Some of them are kept hidden so that I would not think about it too much. But during her birthday, I would allow myself to openly miss her and to miss home.

I am making a list of why I love her soo much and what I remembered her for the most:

1) I was an exasperating child yet she persevered and still does.

My Kak Long may die of jealousy, but the truth is I am the long-awaited child in the family.

My mother delivered my kak long via caesarean section, and therefore the doctor prescribed her to be on oral contraceptives. It was a common practice that you should wait for at least two years before falling pregnant again following a c-section.

So, my mother went on the oral contraceptives. But after two years being off the contraceptives, she still found it hard to fall pregnant a second time. My mother told me, “Waktu tu mak rasa macam….haiah, habihlah aku. Kak Long hang sorang jerlah anak aku nampaknya.” We broke into laughter. My mother then proceeded with telling us, “Hangpa nanti jgn dok makan oral contraceptive pill! Dah ada anak banyak2 baru makan pill!”

So, imagine their joy when they finally fall pregnant with yours truly!! hahah! I am the long-awaited child in the family and my Kak Long was quite jealous for a time. She got over it, eventually…she must be softened by my cuteness.
LOL.

But because I am the first child being born through vaginal delivery, it was the most painful experience for my mother. I remembered her telling me, “Beranak kat hang laa paling susah, kak ngah oii!! Sakit macam dgn apa! Esok2 hang tak ingat kat aku, memang nak kena!” Hahaha.

My mother also told me that, “hang laa yang paling kuat meragam, paling kuat menangis. Nak suruh tidoq sikit punya payah. Nak kena bawa jalan2 dalam kereta, baru nak lelap. Lepas tu dah sampai rumah, kena keluar dari kereta perlahan2 takut hang terjaga. Kalau dah terjaga nanti, nak kena masuk kereta balik bawa jalan2.”

Waahh….see, yours truly is very mengada2 from her early age. It was a wonder my mother did not get post-natal depression.

2)She prays for me

She prays for my exam all the time. Every time I call home, the main topic of conversation revolves around how hard my life is as a medical student and how scary the exam is. Because she also works in a hospital, she knew the plight of new interns and she understands what I am going through.

And so far, Alhamdulillah, doa seorang ibu memang mujarab. My mom always said, “Tiap2 kali aku buat solat hajat, aku doa kat hang dulu, hang tau dak!!”

My other sisters took TESL and the other sister did Teaching biology – they are a natural in their respective courses. While my elder sister did not need my mom’s prayer in terms of exam because she’s brilliant and she’s doing her PHD and she does not have any exams. So I am the only one consistently wanting her to pray for me for my exam!! She also prays for my youngest sister as hard as she prayed for me because my youngest sister is going to have her SPM this year. But ever since I did medicine, I was in her prayer in terms of exams!

I am always whining and whingeing, “Maaak suuuusaaaahh!!! Doctor tu tak suka kat kak ngah!! Patient tu racist! Mak, angah dah tak larat nak hafal nii….banyak sangat ubat2 ni! Belum lagi nak baca pathophysiology and the clinical aspects of the disease. Tak boleh masuk dah niii!!”

Amazingly, she never got bored hearing my complaints! No matter how repetitive it could get at times. I might as well just record my whingeing and crying and replay it to her every other week.

3) When I argued with my father, she was the bridge that connected us.

“Ayah tak payah mengata kat Kak Ngah. Kak Ngah pun tak payah mengata kat Ayah. Dua2 orang hangpa sama ja!!”

Hahaha.

I think, my mother must be the most affected by my constant disagreement with my father. Because she could not decide who to side with.

I am the most argumentative child in the family. I just could not keep my mouth shut when I feel that injustice has been committed. I want my parents to listen to my points and tell me in which aspect am I wrong…and then I would not accept it when they tell me exactly how am I wrong.

My only defense is, I truly believe in what I was saying. I was not argumentative just to be rebellious. I really did believe that I was in the right and it was not fair for them not to acknowledge it.

But having grown up now, I understand that it was not about being right. It was about being tactful while being right. Being polite. Being soft-spoken. I guess, that’s what raised Dad’s hackles the most when I showed my disagreement.

I love my mother, because I could pour out my feelings when I was angry. And sometimes she would side with me (privately, of course) and sometimes she would control the intensity of my feelings. And I love her because when I did my ‘mogok lapar’ she would ask me to eat. Hahhaha.

So, dah mak suruh makan, terpaksalah aku makan, ya dak? Hehehhe. (padahal perut dah tak tahan niii!!)

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The random events I remember about her.

1) I remember her the most for making me sandwiches to be brought to year 1 class party

-I think I must be quite autistic. I don’t know how to socialize when I was seven. You know how sometimes the school organize some sort of celebration and all of us need to bring something for pot luck?

-I asked for sardine sandwiches. And she packed me a whole tupperware of them. The funny thing is, I was not sure about what to do in a class party…I was in standard 1 and that was the first class party that I attended. I kept that sandwiches in my own bag. And whenever I wanted to eat the sandwich, I took out from my bag one by one.

When I got home, there were quite a few sandwiches left over (because even though I eat a lot, I could not eat alone the portion meant for a whole class). When I told her that I kept the tupperware in my bag, she was flabbergasted. “Laaa…orang buat sandwich ni suruh share bagi orang makan. Bukan makan sorang2. Kak Ngah ni tak reti laaa. Habis tu, kita makan makanan orang, tapi tak bagi orang makan makanan kita.”

My answer was surprising, “Angah tak makan makanan orang. Angah makan makanan angah ja.”

Aku rasa mak aku mesti pening dengan aku. She said , “Angah ni tak reti berkawan laa.”

I think she must be quite worried of my social life at that time.

Actually, she is still worried about my social life now; not in terms of gathering friendship but in terms of my marriageability. Haihhh!! Aku pun tak risau sampai mcm tu.

2)She let me have what I want for my majlis khatam Quran

When I was a child, I love coca-cola and bihun goreng.

Even for my majlis khatam Quran, I want those as well. Lantaklah orang lain nak buat pulut kuning dengan air sirap, I still want my own personalised meals.

So, mak aku pun masaklah bihun goreng banyak2 walaupun dia berkali2 cakap, “Peliklah kak ngah ni. Tak pa ka kita buat bihun goreng ni…orang lain semua buat pulut kuning untuk khatam Quran laah.”

“Tak pa aih, mak. Awat pulak tak boleh??”

Aku rasa sebab aku budak2, aku tak lah rasa pelik. Bagi aku, makanan tu sedap! Aku memang tak minat pulut kuning! Tapi mak mestilah segan…sebab makanan yang disediakan lain dari yang lain, it reflected weirdly on her. hahaha.

So, me and mom pun angkutlah plastic bag penuh dengan bekas polisterin berisi bihun goreng ke surau. Kitorang jalan kaki sebab surau dekat saja dengan rumah. I can still picture the walk that we had that day…the sun at 2.00 pm was scorching but I did not mind the heat as I was soo excited and proud.

Walaupun mak aku rasa buat bihun goreng untuk khatam Quran itu pelik, tapi memang makanan tu sedap pun! All  my friends at the surau said that the bihun was super yummy, ok! I mean, of course budak2 tak minat pulut kuning!

Dahlah perkena dengan air coke!! Waah! Memang heaven food for kids, ok! So, setakat ni, aku rasa majlis khatam Quran akulah paling special (I might be bias, though).

3) I remember her giving me a stroke of rattan for going to a superstore.

When I was twelve years old, I was a very keen badminton player. Tapi ada satu hari ni raket aku dah rosak. Being a kid, I still want to play badminton that day.

So, when my mom was about to go to work, I nagged her, “Mak…angah nak main badminton! Mak tak payah risau, angah pi beli sendiri!”

Mak aku cakap tak payah, jgn membazir. So, aku cakap, “Angah ada duit angah sendiri lah. Bolehlah mak?”

“Siapa nak hantar hang pi beli raket badminton tu? Ayah kat KL. Mak nak pi kerja ni.”

“Ala, angah boleh naik basikal pi superstore.”

“hah, pi lah kalau nak pi sangat. Pergi laah kalau berani.” My mom said while getting her car keys, ready to go to work.

I pretended that my mom really meant that I could go. I told my sister, “Mak bagi pi. Mak cakap, kalau nak pi sangat, pergilah. Maksudnya,tak pa lah kita nak pi.”

Me and my partner-in-crime (Izati, my younger sister) pun pergi ke Superstore naik basikal buruk kitorang. Superstore tu sangat jauh daripada kawasan Mergong. Kena lalu jalan besar, lalu empangan jajar, banyak traffic lights! At that time, I felt it was a great adventure of my life. And we got the racquet and we played the whole afternoon.

But we were soo angry with Alida when we found out that she had called mom at work to bitch about us. Dad was in KL so he could not discipline us properly. When mom got home, we were chased around the house and given a stroke of rattan on our buttocks!

I was crying when I said, “Mak yang cakap boleh pi. Awat nak marah pulak?”

My mom jegil biji mata dia, “Bila masa mak cakap boleh pi?”

“Mak yang cakap, kalau nak pi, pi lah.” Menjawab kan aku ni? Lagilah mak aku naik angin sebab nampak sangat aku sengaja buat2 tak faham maksud sebenar my mom. Hahaha.

I was sooo exasperating, I know. I am amazed that my mom could be so patient in raising me. Entah berapa kali kitorang test the water with my mom….berkali2 ada plan nak lari dari rumah, tapi tak pernah jadi, sebab dok fikir…nak makan apa? Nak tidur kat mana?

4) I remember her giving me extra allowance every time I went back to MRSM Langkawi

-Setiap kali habis cuti and nak balik dari MRSM, my dad would give me some allowance to last me until the next holiday.

-Setiap kali mak aku hantar naik boat, my mom would give me an extra 100 ringgit and whispered “Jangan habaq kat ayah hang.” Hahhaha. Bestttt!!

I think my mom did that to all her daughters. Until now, I got an extra money from mom…Setiap kali nak balik Aussie, my mom would give me some money at Alor Star airport for my lunch at KLIA. I don’t need their money anymore…but I guess some things have become habit kot.

When I was in MRSM Langkawi, I got quite a lot of visits by my mother. She would bring me my favourite food, my sambal ikan bilis and chocolates. We didn’t usually go out to town when she came for a visit. We just sat at the foyer and talked while I ate what she brought me. I preferred it that way.

5) I remember her accompanying me to MARA headquarters

While preparing to go to overseas, there were quite a few trips to KL needed to be made; some involved going to MARA headquarters a couple of times to get the scholarship contract and whatnots.

Because I am very pathetic with geography in general and directions in particular, my parents could not trust me going to KL alone. I didn’t trust myself either. So, my mom and I went to KL by bus together.

Once we’ve arrived in PUDURAYA, we bought our return ticket immediately as we planned to leave KL by two o’clock and arrived in Kedah just after Isyak.

Tapi nak jadikan cerita banyak pula urusan hari tu…and by the time everything was settled, we were in a great danger of missing our return bus. I got quite anxious and began to walk faster than I normally would. I was also quite exasperated why my mom could not walk faster. I kept turning back to urge her to keep up…

And then I realized that my mother could not keep up with me…

And the sadness hit me like a wave of tsunami. In my mind, I thought of my mother as the same person who I saw in the pictures I had of her when I was two…she was a young hijabless lady bringing my two-year old self to a park in Kelantan. I was in my short pants running on the grass and my mother was alert and agile and able to catch me just in case I fell. And then, I saw her as a young but more matured, though still hijabless lady chasing me around the hause for going to a superstore without her permission. And then I saw her, this time with her hijab on, accompanying her twelve year old daughter to a surau, carrying plastic bags full of bihun goreng that her daughter insisted tasted much better than pulut kuning.

And what I was seeing in front of me was the same lady, still very beautiful, only just less agile than she was 20 years ago.

I almost cried then.

But I didn’t.

I only slowed down my pace and said to myself, “So what if we miss the bus? Bukannya tak dak duit nak beli tiket baru.”

*****************

I want my mother to know that I love her very much. And in those times when I am exasperated with her, or she is exasperated with me, or we are exasperated with each other…the fact remain unchanged.

Please, Allah, guide me to become a better daughter for my mother; please improve my behaviour with greater amount of patience during her old days when, insya Allah, I will take care of her. Don’t ever let me give in to exasperation and anger towards my own mother for there is no way in the world I could ever repay her. Oh Allah, my paradise lies beneath her feet, and now I understand why there is no better place for it to be.

*********

By the way…

We didn’t miss the bus.

What is wrong with JAIS!!

I was all set to study! I was all very determined to ban myself from blogging and a few other online activities to concentrate on my upcoming exam (long case and the very scary viva, ugh!). But I could not help myself from updating my blog after I read the news about the arrest of Dr. MAZA.

 

I was in John Hunter Hospital Library, checking UTUSAN ONLINE (my daily ritual just before going to the ward and seeing patients) when my eyes received their shock of the day! My first thought was….this can’t be right!!!

 

I don’t like to think that I am a fanatic for anything or anyone. I always criticize people who are  fanatics (to political parties, tok guru kampung dia, inikan pula kalau artis2 tu!!). I like to think that the only acceptable fanatic is a fanatic to truth!

 

I really would like to think that I am a fanatic to the truth! And that’s the MAIN reason I like Dr. MAZA. Because I saw him as someone who is sincere, criticizing all leaders when they did wrong regardless of which political parties they come from. Some of his thoughts were controversial and not very mainstream…but he believes in what he is saying and he always supports all his arguments with dalils!! In  the times when you can’t accept his views…then just agree to disagree.

 

How HARD is it to do, people??

 

To arrest him while he was giving a ceramah to his followers, preaching the deen of Islam…that is just the height of injustice and committed by a religious organization, no less!! 

 

I am the last person to claim that I am knowledgeble in all aspects of religion…but I do care about my religion and I don’t want it to be hijacked by this JAIS organization. They need to reform! Or please just cease to exist, if all you are going to do in the future would amount to something as stupid as this!

Below, I put some YOU TUBE videos of Dr. MAZA’s press statement. Enjoy and hopefully reflect!

 

Orang agama ni pun ada politiknya!

 

I am SORELY disappointed!!

 

 

Gay Awareness Week Update Will Be Postponed

Just a quick post, people.

Yours truly is preparing for a very important 4th year exam…and therefore cannot find the time to update on the gay awareness week held by the uni. I know, I know I promised. And I will fulfill my promise, insya Allah.

But at a later date.

I was thinking of making a post on WHY being gay is not natural. And I need to do some literature and journal research and some historical digging up to do.

I don’t even have the time to properly memorize all the causes of paediatric infectious disease and all those tongue-twisting pronunciation of bacterias and viruses that exist in  this planet. I am THAT busy.

Besides I have my own academic-related literature and journal reviews to do. I am stretched for time.

I want to talk about homosexuality properly and look at it medically and academically. I am not planning on making some post of cursing the homosexuals, or hating them or criticizing them without any valid or scientific and medical reasons. It is not going to be a hate-post (the way some people did towards Muslims) but a discussion of why homosexuals are wrong…homosexuals are not wrong simply because they are different from us or the population at large.

Muslims living in the West are also different from  the Western population at large; it doesn’t mean we are wrong to choose to live Islamically.

The same reasoning goes for homosexuality…homosexuality is not wrong just because it is different. But there are reasons!!

There are some fundamental reasons why homosexuals are not natural and it is based on those reasons that I am going to write my post on. Not base on emotional bashings and dissing, because God knows we hate that sort of things ourselves when  they happen to us.

So, in order to be fair for everyone and to create a post that is beneficial for both the heterosexuals and the homosexuals, I need TIME for proper research and writing. And TIME is the one luxury I don’t have at the moment.

Please pray for my success in the very scary paediatric long case. May Allah help me go  through this very painful stage of medical student life.  Until the next post, ciao!

For The Sake Of Clarity

“Never do I argue with a man with a desire to hear him say what is wrong, or to expose him and win victory over him. Whenever I face an opponent in debate I silently pray – “O Allah, help him so that truth may flow from his heart and on his tongue, and so that if truth is on my side, he may follow me; and if truth be on his side,I may follow him.” Imam Al-Shafi’i.

Salam everyone,

My previous post seems to have garnered a heated discussion in the comment section. I hope everyone would take this positively as I do think we need to discuss these issues and not just sweep them under the carpet because they would never go away in that manner. They would always be there; only invisible.

I am not homophobic. I have met patients who are lesbians, my college caretaker at the uni is a gay…he lives with his partner and they have a son. My consultants who taught me in the hospital…some of them are gay. We know each other’s stand; there has never been ANY problems. I got good marks in my assessment items anyway, Alhamdulillah (praise for Allah) for that. I have known a fellow medical student who is a gay too.

None of them have ever reduced me to shudder in my boots in fear or disgust whenever I am in their vicinity. NONE!! Nada!

It all comes down to tolerance; acknowledging each other’s stand but despite of that, getting along very well anyway! If we want everybody to agree with our own stand 100% of the time, we will be offended 100% of the time. Because in everything that is not self-evident or factual, there will always be opposite, different and slightly dissimilar views that other people would have compared to ours.  So, we should all put ourselves in someone’s shoes and try to understand where they are coming from without feeling any compulsion to change  our own belief just so we could please them.

Would they want me to agree with them just because I want to please them? I don’t think anyone would like that. Because I know I don’t.

I don’t want anyone to agree with me just to please me. Agree with me because you see merit in what I am saying. If you don’t, that’s absolutely fine. To you, is your own belief; To me is mine.

If it is indeed true that as a medical professional, I am not allowed to have my own views made public regarding homosexuality or write about them base on my own opinion, I wouldn’t want to be a doctor. I don’t want to restrict myself in that manner…not even for a medical degree. I am, insya Allah, going to be a Muslim doctor and I come in that package. That package means I would not do abortion without any medical reason, I would not offer euthanasia (but I would withdraw treatment), I would not advocate for anything not permissible in my religion.

However, that does not mean I am going to treat my gay patients in a degrading manner. In medical school, we are taught communication skill and we are given ethic lectures. We do public health and we know all about health equity. So don’t worry.

I haven’t decided what kind of doctors I want to be. I do know I love certain specialty more than others.

I love cardio…and I want to be a cardiologist. I could see myself saving a gay patient from myocardial infarction. I love obs and gynae…and I still see myself treating uterine cancer in a lesbian patient. I love gastroenterology…and I still see myself treating  gastroenteritis in a child adopted by a gay partner.

The truth is, there isn’t much opportunity for doctors to impose their views regarding homosexuality on any of their patients. They treat all patients admitted under their specialty with no regards to their sexual orientation. The only way gay people would feel insulted by medical professionals who happen to oppose homosexuality would be if they go to a sexual counselor wanting to talk about their sexual orientation and end up being talked down to. (most medical professionals who oppose homosexuality would still not talk down to a gay patient. You would think we have enough intelligent to have more finesse and subtlety than that).  Even then, they could have chosen a sexual counselor who they know is pro-homosexual (there are many of them!!). But it’s not fair to limit OUR rights to speak up about what we believe as right just because we happen to be doctors.  How is that not limiting my freedom of speech? If by my becoming a doctor, anyone feels they have the right to zip up my mouth…then I want OUT!

If the homosexual people EVER feel insulted going to a gastroenterologist, a cardiologist, or a respiratory physician regarding their illness that is not related to their sexual behaviour, then the blame is on the doctor!

I hope I have made myself clear, because I am not very good with reading between the lines (and therefore do not write between the lines very well and always write clearly. For this post, I forgo the use of sarcasm in favour of clarity.)

I am still following the Queer Awareness Week at my uni (it’s such a shame I have broken my camera during my last trip to NZ because I would love to be able to put some pics). And I would update this issue after that week comes to an end.

I leave my readers with a video from YOU TUBE about the Muslims stand regarding homosexuality. We are not against the person or the people…we are just against the action.  Maybe, after listening to this video, you would know how it is possible that I can have gay friends yet I do think the action is wrong.

Awareness Week!

Call me silly…but I am very obsessed with looking at people’s ears…especially the left one. Whenever I was introduced to a guy, I would look straight at his left ear right after I took in his face.

The presence of an earing would alert me to the very likely possibility that this guy could be gay (and I don’t mean he is happy; got that?)

****

This week is the “Gay Awareness Week” at the uni.

Hahah. Quit rubbing your eyes in disbelief; you read it right the first time. I put the words in red and I bold them real nice…so stop doubting your visual senses. They are working just fine, trust me.

Sometimes, I find myself thinking about how vastly different would my whole worldview be if I study in Malaysia instead of in OZ.  In Australia, they look out for everybody’s rights, at least in principles and theory, if not in the actual practicality of it. So, I am exposed to many different cultures and different outlook in life and I thank God that so far, not once have I ever been tempted to deviate from the true way of life.

Our uni have Cultural Week where all the International STudents from various countries could promote their food and traditional dances and so on. We also have Christian Awareness Week and we used to have Islamic Awareness Week (when Brother Danu was still around and me and my batch were in 1st and 2nd year of med school and therefore relatively less busy than now) and we also have Queer Awareness Week.

I could not recall Judaism Awareness Week (oh yeah, there was a period of time I was obsessed with looking at people’s noses, too) but I think that is mainly because Judaism is a religion specific to the Jewish race. They don’t tend to promote their religion and they don’t welcome converts with all that much earnest enthusiasm, anyway. 

During those days when I was still at the uni and was involved in UNIS (now I am mainly in John Hunter Hospital every day; and some nights too, ugh!), organizing the Islamic awareness week was one of the best experience a Muslim student could ever have when she/he studies in overseas. Setting up booth, handing out pamphlets and brochures, promoting lectures and talks,  booking lecture theaters, and organize the lunch barbecue…it was great fun.

It gave me lots of experience promoting my religion to curious questioners who visit our booth. I learned many English Islamic vocabs. I mean, my command in English is very, very basic….I read a lot of novels and that’s why I don’t have any problems writing ENglish essays back in my school days, and I watch a lot of movies and that took care of my conversational English skills. And if you want me to explain medical stuff in ENglish….that is relatively easy peasy! But try translating words like ‘akidah’ into ENglish at the spur of the moment…or ‘Syariah’, or ‘Fikah’ and whatnots. Maybe, if you ponder real long and hard, you could come up with just the right ENglish words for them…but it was a struggle while you actually have to explain at that very minute to an Australian who knew NOTHING (zip, zero, nada, zilch) about Islam and at the same time try to sound as convincing as possible. (How convincing can you be if all the words that you use in constructing a simple sentence are alternated with many ermms and err and ehem ehem…so pathetic!) 

By the way, akidah is ‘creed’ in English. Syariah is ‘Islamic Law’ and Fikah is ‘Islamic Jurisprudence’ (what’s the difference between the two of them also need to be explained), Jihad is ‘to strive/to struggle in the cause of Allah’. Mahzab is ’sect’. I found that all out at last. Hahahha. I mean those are all really simple words but if you don’t think of them beforehand, it would be hard for you to come up with them at the spur of the moment, especially when the question asked is the provocative one and you are in a panic.

Such a shame that now we don’t have Islamic Awareness Week anymore…because now our batch is already in 4th year and we are very busy. And the 5th year seniors have to go outside Newcastle for their respective rural placements. The Saudi brothers are not that keen…the Saudi sisters are quite passive, in my opinion, but that’s just their culture.

****

I had been to all those activities. I had been to Christian Awareness Week when I was in first year of Med School with a couple of my friends and I remember feeling so damn awkward being the only Muslim in that large lecture theater. I was even given a Bible and I still have one in my room. Imagine if I did that in Malaysia…a lot of people would think I am showing a ‘dangerous’ interest into becoming a Christian, LOL.

And in Malaysia universities, there would never be any Gay movements rights or advocation going around the campus and I will never be exposed to their point of views. Don’t get me wrong; I wish Malaysia would never have enough queers and gays to be able to set up a booth in any remote backstreet, let alone at a campus. However, I do believe that we should learn about them so that we know what we are up against. What are their arguments? What are they up to? How can we counter their so-called scientific medical facts about the ‘natural-ness’ of being gay?

As a medical student, we do have an ‘influential’ status, a convincing voice, when it comes to medical facts! So use your God-given status to learn and do what’s right.

****

I’ll be keeping a close observation of the Queer Awareness Week and will be reporting my findings in the next post, insya Allah. I will share with you my own ‘pertembungan’ with the Queer culture as well. Don’t be surprised…my first encounter with the Queer culture started in Malaysia, not here in Aussie.

I end my post with a word of caution:

BEWARE OF ALL-GIRLS SCHOOLS!!!

(I need not say anything about ALL-BOYS school; To do that would only be redundant)

Shoes off??

To take your shoes off or not to  take your shoes off?

That is  the question.

The dilemma of the day!

***

Today I was attached to the Child and Family Nursing Care unit in Wallsend. I had never been there before and having to go there by bus, not knowing when to press the bell, was enough to give me a headache (I am exaggerating, of course. I just don’t like unfamiliarity, that’s all). I told the bus driver that I would like him to drop me off at Longworth Avenue, and the poor guy did not even know where that was. If a bus driver didn’t know it, what chance did I have of  knowing it myself?

Luckily, last night just before I slept, I had googled the bus route and the map of  that area…I could roughly remember the landmarks I was supposed to look at. It all ended up well and I arrived at Harker Building, Wallsend, safe and sound.

Because my map-reading skills is so pathetic, I consider my victory of finding the place on my own as worthy of a loud applause (before this, I always, always ask for someone’s help to google the map for me. Now, I am quite good at doing it myself, yeay! Alhamdulillah, for a skill newly acquired. heheh).

J and L (the nurses there) greeted me warmly and offered me a cup of coffee. I declined (would you believe it?) as I have already eaten my breakfast earlier (though that has never stopped me before. I think my tummy has shrunken pretty impressively after the Ramadhan month.)

J asked me to choose between staying in the clinic with L or going to home visits with her. I pondered for a second before choosing to do home visits (and at the same time feeling bad lest I offended L for not choosing to stay with her. I hope she knew that it was never my intention to imply that clinic is BORING like neraka and I am not one for self-inflicting pain).

Imagine my pleasant surprise after knowing that one of the three patients that I would be visiting is Kak Sya’s newborn baby. Aww…what a coincident! When we arrived there, I started taking off my shoes…J looked at me strangely.

She said, “You don’t have to take off your shoes. I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I am not going to take off my shoes”

This is a tricky situation, agree? But, I just told her that I prefer taking off my shoes.

Kak Sya greeted us in her very Malaysian-style kain batik and I greeted her Malaysian -style too (the salam and the air-kissing at each side of the cheeks). While Abang Insan was still in his kain pelikat, washing off the dishes. Inilah dia suami mithali yang patut dicontohi. heheh.

While Kak Sya was changing her baby’s diaper in  the other room, J told me that it was a ‘rule’ that we should not take off our shoes when doing home visits because we want to avoid picking up germs from those houses that we’ve been to.

I shrugged my shoulder and I told her, “I prefer to  take my shoes off because I know this family, personally. And that’s the practice in our culture.”

J was nice about it. She understood where I was coming from. I mean, it would have been the height of rudeness for me as a Malay, to visit another Malay, with my dirty shoes on. I mean, it’s okay for J because she’s not Malay, so people would be more forgiving about her not taking her shoes off.

I am not so westernized as to ignore the most basic rule of cleanliness regardless of who I was with at that time. I need to explain that.

J then proceeded to tell me “I have visited this family before, They are very nice and very modern and they don’t mind it if we don’t take our shoes off.”

I was like, what does being modern has anything to do with it? But whatever….I had already taken my shoes off and they were right outside the door. I was not about to wear them back, now that I was safely inside the house. Sheesh.

Honestly speaking, I think that rule is the most asinine thing I have ever heard! How does taking my shoes off can prevent me picking up germs from the house? I don’t get it! We pick up germs everywhere…we breathed germs when we inspire, we touched germs with our bare hands whenever we pick up our own pen to write (unless you regularly alcohol-swab your pen every other minute), you rest your body on germs whenever you lie in your own bed (unless you change and  sterilize your sheets every other second). Come on! Am I going to care if my FEET pick up germs when my hands do it every nanosecond, considering I don’t even eat with my feet the way I do with my hands?

Not bloody likely!!

Besides, I think it makes much more sense for us to worry about bringing the germs from outside the house with our dirty shoes, into the relatively cleaner home environment. Right??

Sungguh, aku tak paham! I couldn’t relate with that kind of reasoning.

****

The next house we went to is an Australian house.

I happily did not take my shoes off since this house would, of course, practice the western culture. But I noticed that the owner of the house herself was wearing the fluffy slippers…not her outside shoes.

It just didn’t feel right to just barge into someone’s home in our dirty shoes. But hell, if that’s what they like to practice when they are receiving guest into their own home, I am more than happy to oblige.

****

The next house is the house of a Bangladeshi who could not speak English very well.  And we could not get an interpreter in time for her session.

When she received us into her home, I followed J’s example by walking right in with my shoes on.

I noticed that the lady’s feet were shoe-less, naked, bare.  But heck, I have become desensitized by my experience from the previous house.

I was, of course, deeply mortified when I found out that this sweet Bangladeshi lady was a Muslim. I have tarnished her home and her living room with my wanton imitation of a Western unhygienic practice.  God! Probably her living room is her place of prayer too!

I felt so bad about myself. Ugh!

***

When in Rome, do as the Romans do, agree?

Well, to a certain extent.

I think that the Australians, who they claim to consist of  many cultures and races, need to be aware about what is culturally acceptable in every respective culture. I mean, it’s so easy. All you need to do is look at the host’s feet and make a clever deduction of whether or not she prefers your shoes to be off! And it’s not even that hard to ask, “Would you prefer me taking my shoes off or you don’t mind either way?”

When you said you worried about germs, were you by any chance, making a joke? I have seen the Australians walking around OUTSIDE (at the beach, in the shopping complex, in the park) bare-footed without the slightest thought about the MACROscopic organism; let alone the micro ones.

Sunguh2 aku tak faham.

I would be really offended by people who come into my room with their shoes on without even asking me for my preference. I guess, it’s futile to hope that I will ever acclimatize to the Australian culture.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

But I say, when in Australia, use your common sense.

Muslim Bloggers Alliance (MBA)

Salam everyone.

It’s just a quick post here. I am supposed to study actually, but I could not help myself from updating my blog after I have read my emails.

I have just been accepted as a new member of Muslim Bloggers Alliance. If you want to know more about this, I put up a link at the Right side, under ‘THE OUTSIDE WORLD’.

I strongly recommend Muslim bloggers who cares about the issue of our ummah to subscribe to this group and keep abreast of the issues affecting our deen. This group has some great personalities in it…there’s the president himself Mahaguru58, Sis Zabrina who wrote the motivational book Life Is An Open Secret, and Zulkifli Noordin and many more.

The issues they blogged about/talked about are varied, knowledgeable and intellectual. For someone like me who is really busy with my medical studies, it would be good not to have to search the whole cyber world for great blogs to read because they are all compiled in one group.

I came across this group when I was searching for ‘Penyebaran Islam di Nusantara’ (and this search was triggered by a recent daurah organized by the Islamic community here) and then I came across the blog ‘Sejarah Negara Kedah’ (there’s a link here as well) And from that blog, I clicked on the blog of Mahaguru58 who is the president of the Muslim Bloggers Alliance…I became interested and then applied to join.

I love it! I mean, there are so many good and great bloggers out there and searching for them is a hassle in itself…. plus, I can’t keep on putting up links in my own blog because the list would be too long! This Alliance is just what I need.

Here’s are two of the objectives of MBA which hopefully if you feel interested and you would like to contribute (even as passive readers, for all bloggers need readers to spread their ideas), then try to apply and we can all reap the benefit together, insya Allah.

1. The purpose of the MBA is to attempt to unite the Muslim Bloggers and improve the relationships between fellow Muslims whilst building a model community of dedicated Muslims that aspire to uphold the
Principles and Tenets of Islam and those of the Federal Constitution.

2. To organize and establish a network of like minded Muslim Bloggers to help clear the misconceptions
about Islam and the Muslims by enjoining the Dakwah al Islamiyah through positive writings of articles
and disseminating true information about Islam and the Muslim Way of Life to all blog visitors.

 

There are many more objectives (you can read them in MBA’s own website) but I only include the first two just to give my readers a glimpse of MBA’s vision and mission.

 

And yes, I am also promoting the blog Sejarah Negara Kedah.

 

Sometimes, I wonder whether I am really interested in medicine, because I actually love history. It’s one of my best subjects back in school, other than language. It’s just that back in school, the history felt dry and stale…

 

Now, revisiting the historical facts in a new point of view with all my emotion stirred up…it feels different; more exciting, MUCH more exciting!

 

I think I would like to join archaeological expedition in my capacity as a doctor, one day, if Allah gives me the oportunity! That would be sooo exciting!

 

Okay, I need to get back to Medicine. Studying is only fun when not just your brain, but your HEART is in it as well. Right now, my HEART miss learning history…

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!

The Road Not Taken

I love open houses. (Who don’t? Duh)

I love the surrounding and the socializing and the talking. Sometimes, when you attended a particular event, you struggle to force yourself to stay there. But there are times when the passing of the clock feels so swift and you are reluctant to leave.

When I attended an event held by the Australians, all I felt is boredom that borders on the extreme. It doesn’t matter what great food they provide, it would fail to entice me to hang around. Maximum would be two hours…and then I would be fidgeting and getting restless and ready to leave.  I have attended two parties so far. The first time was an event called Jazz in the Park (when I was in first year) and the second one was a Welcoming Party for the first years.

I hated both! And stayed only for two hours. I was back home by 9.30 and was so relieved to escape the feeling of loss of direction and the state of mindless nothingness that filled my mind (no, my heart) when I stayed in such surroundings. The conversation was boring and stale…the struggle for small talk and the racking of the brain to come up with mindless topics to talk about got too much to handle after awhile. (yang geramnya…aku dah sembang lama dah..main course of food tak keluar2 lagi! Apa ni!! Sampai bila aku nak bercakap dan menadah telinga menahan boring? And don’t even get me started on menahan nafas menghalang kepeningan tajamnya bau alcohol.)

So, the Australians thought that the Malays (who they deemed conservative) do not like to integrate and like to exclude themselves from the society! Pfft!

Make yourself interesting to talk to, and I will hang around.

Bagi aku, I love socializing…but I won’t do it if it’s boring! So, aku suka pergi event yang ada purpose. For example, if they organize a talk, or a leadership seminar (there was one where I got to meet Mohamed Khadra, the surgeon who wrote the book ‘Making The Cut’) then I would go. Because it doesn’t require me to socialize with the mat salleh…I am actually there for a specific activity (to get the author’s signature on my book). Or if they organize GP club or birthing kit…I would love to go tapi kadang2 tak dak Malay friends nak pergi dgn aku, so aku kurang join aktiviti2 yang aku rasa budak2 Medik should get involved in.

I am like a baby! I need enough food and enough sleep and I get restless when I become bored. Maybe you can feed me enough to waylay my leaving, but when my tummy is full, no food no matter how yummy can entice me to stay. When I was a kid, I must be one of those annoying babies who always nag their mothers with their restlessness and crying of wanting to go home. And the mothers cannot bersembang properly because their kids are restless. Hahaha. I found that funny.

In my case, I would nag whoever had driven me to the party in the first place! Jom lah balik!

Now, I love Malaysian parties. The food are already on the table the moment you arrive. You are expected to eat as you sit at a table or on the floor and chatting….not just standing with a glass of Coke and making small talk while WAITING macam buah tak gugur for food that comes in courses with hours of mindless talking between the separate courses. Gosh!!! Buang masa! Alang2 nak buang masa, baik kita buat benda yang kita rasa best…so after awhile, I would start thinking about those novels on my bookshelf that I could reread. And that would make me long for home…and that makes me restless and then I start nagging the driver. Kesian!

Aku faham…party mat salleh ni lain purpose dia. Parties are organized for mingling, and social networking and fund-raising….so they purposefully make sure that the party would have a lot of chatting time before the main course arrive and then there would be torturous hours in between the courses so that they can continue chatting up, sucking up, flirting up….semua party diorang ada udang di sebalik batu. Bukan betul2 nak bagi orang makan. Hmmph!

Party orang Malaysia lain! Kita memang nak bagi orang makan! Bersosial dan bersembang tu hanyalah perkara sampingan, tak nak buat pun tak per. Kita letak semua courses siap2. Appetizer, main course , dessert and kuih raya, coffee…semua dah letak siap2 and you just choose and eat. Maybe pergi jumpa tuan rumah kejap and sembang2 but you don’t need to WAIT and perah otak ‘apa aku nak cakap lagi ni???’ Sebab kalau dah stuck tak tau nak cakap apa,kau boleh buat2 makan.  And kalau kita dah habis makan kita memang boleh balik jer….sebab ramai lagi orang lain yang nak datang. Nanti tak cukup space dalam rumah tu.

And the best thing is, you know with whom you want to hang around for great conversation. Macam aku…mestilah aku pergi cari orang2 yang aku tahu ada minat yang sama dengan aku. Yana, Kak Yani or Balqis….we talk about books lah. Orang lain yang kaki bergambar dan suka mengambil gambar, diorang pun ada clique masing2. Semua orang have fun. Sesekali aku pergi jugalah mencelah di depan camera. heheh.

 And I know with whom should I go and talk about the current issues in Malaysia because they have the same concerns and thinking that I have. And I will talk to them for hours and don’t feel the pressure. Hours passed by like minutes and I enjoyed every moment.

Last night,I attended Kak Alma’s open house party! Food was great…nasi kerabu,  soto, cheesecake. And I spent the majority of my time eating outside in the cold air with Yana, talking about the direction of our future as interns…the pros and cons of staying in OZ as opposed to going back to Malaysia, the abominable sometimes degrading treatment of the consultants towards those below them in Malaysia, and the lack of communication skills with patients.

Who is going to change all that if not us?

And in terms of our own personal growth as a doctor as well as a person…I think I would get more in Malaysia. Here, I am not at all motivated to go to AMSA (Australian Medical Student Association), or BREATHE or whatever advocacy organization…not because I am not interested or do not care, but there are various factors that hold me back all these while from getting involved:

1)Not enough interest and support within my own social circle

Not many of my Malay friends were interested to go to that sort of thing when we first arrived here. I mean, fine, it’s okay we don’t want to go to parties yang laghaaa jer dan tak ada faedah. Tapi even aktiviti2 yg berguna pun tak pergi juga….kadang2 aku pun tak salahkan mat salleh yang menyatakan orang melayu ni tak contribute sebab kita memang dalam dunia sendiri sahaja.  So aku awal2 dulu tak ada geng nak get involved dengan persatuan2 yang berguna. Keterlibatan aku dalam ko-kurikulum stop kat KMB. That’s it!  But gradually I tried recruiting friends who wanted to go to things like a seminar on leadership as well  as some ethical talk organized by Charles Douglas every month in RNC. Still tak ramai yg interested nak pergi, at least in my own batch. So, aku pun tak bersemangat juga nak pergi sebab aku sendiri tak reti nak mingle dengan mat salleh ni because we don’t have the same common ground that could enable me to talk freely without feeling pressured. I could talk to them for maybe 15 minutes but beyond that aku mula rasa nak lari. But if I am in a group of my Malay friends and tiba2 ada 2,3 orang mat salleh datang nak bersembang aku tak rasa pressure sangat…sebab aku tahu ada ramai boleh layan diorang kalau aku stuck.

Now, many of the first and second years are more pro-active and they got involved in these activities….but now that I am in my fourth year, I had to really pick and choose which one I want to go because by the time you finish your day in the hospital you are too tired!

I really think that it’s important to go to these activities. But you need to have your own gang yang memang ada interest dengan benda2 macam ni….because it motivates you as well. Kalau kau sorang2 jer….boleh, but it’s hard and susah nak istiqamah pergi benda2 macam ni kalau kau asyik2 end up sorang2…the only Malay and tak ada geng.   

Nak cuba geng dengan mat salleh? Well…cubalah. Bagi aku mat salleh ni boleh jadi acquaintance….boleh bersembang gitu2 jer. Tapi susah nak buat geng because we don’t have the same way of living. In order for you to form a close friendship  you have to do things together frequently enough! Macam mana nak buat geng kalau kau pergi mana2….nanti kau nak stop sembahyang…diorang nak kena tunggu kau. And kalau diorang nak pergi party2 pelik tu, kau tak nak pergi….so kau tak ada common ground to talk with them because they party all the time and that’s what they talk about! That’s what they gossip about! But you don’t know a thing about all that! Lama2 friendship will drift apart.

I have one Australian friend who I used to be close with….tu pun sebab kami sama2 minat Jane Austen books and literatures. And that’s all that hold us together. But we drifted apart in 3rd year because we have different rotations.

2)Lack of relevance

AMSA talk about issues that I don’t feel very relevant to me as a Muslim or as a Malaysian. Issues that I am not really passionate about. If I am in Malaysia, I would feel much more passion and interest. To me, if I want to do something, I have to be passionate about it so that it wouldn’t come across as a burden to me. Buat apa aku pergi benda2 yang aku tak rasa kisah langsung.

3)Too much ’fun’ disguised as charity or work

All these organizations sometimes organize parties or charity ball…yang aku memang tak suka pergi. Benda2 yang kau kena berdiri sambil pegang gelas and make small talk while waiting for hours for the food to arrive. Baik aku study! I mean, I don’t mind having fun if I was actually having fun. But the thing is, I wasn’t! Like I said, conversation diorang tak masuk dengan aku. I need Malaysians around me in order to feel at ease.

Aku lagi suka kalau diorang buat benda2 macam organize birthing kit, muffin day where the proceed goes to a charity or something that I can actually work without having to socialize too much, or orgaznize a talk, a seminar where I attend in order to listen and gain some knowledge. But again, benda2 ni aku kena ajak kawan2 pergi…kadang2 diorang nak, kadang2 diorang tak nak…so aku pun end up tak pergi juga. Which frustrated me very much.

So I told Yana, that this is what I miss. This is what I want to get involved in if I go back to Malaysia, insya Allah. Benda2 ni budak2 medik kat Malaysia dah lama get involved in. Kalau aku tunggu lagi kat OZ ni, aku akan terlepas lagi banyak because I know I will continue being who I am now if I stay in OZ…pergi kerja, balik kerja with no other contribution in the society. Huaaargh bosan! I feel restless.

It’s hard to decide what’s important when you can’t choose both. There are things I want to do in Malaysia that I could never accomplish here. But there are also other things I would miss greatly if I don’t stay here. Priorities have to be weighed accurately, proportionately…

Sekarang hati tengah rindu Malaysia sebab Raya, mungkin sebab tu semangat berkobar2.  Tahu duduk di oversea ni pakai duit rakyat, so kenalah balik berkhidmat untuk rakyat. Tak kiralah macam mana dahsyat pun sistem kat Malaysia, memang lah jadi tanggungjawab kita untuk ubah.

Once we have chosen one path, the other path is forever out of our grasp. Like the road not taken that keeps you awake at night, wondering of things that might-have-been.

To all of us faced with the same decision-making dilemma, enjoy Robert Frost most famed poetries that we’ve all learned for exam purpose once, but now its meaning starts to grip our hearts and our minds.

 

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN – Robert Frost 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

 

“two roads diverged in a yellow wood…oh I kept the first for another day, yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.”

Reddish Orangeish Morning Sky!

By the time the clock struck ten, I have had enough of Emergency Department! I need my beauty sleep,

Shift patut habis pukul 12, tapi mata aku tak boleh dah nak buka. So, I nagged Wani to just go home. And we went home at eleven-ish. Masuk2 bilik jer (tak basuh muka gosok gigi pun! Salin baju jer) terus aku mata aku lelap di katil yang empuk! Haaah…heaven!

 

I woke up at 5.00….took a loooong shower (to make up for the un-taken shower last night) and prayed my Subuh prayer. As usual, I looked out the window. I love looking out the window every time it’s dawn or sunset. I love looking out the sky and take pictures of them…I have one album in my facebook specifically dedicated for the colors of the sky at sunset.

 

Subuh kat sini habis 5.40…the sky looked unusual! Orangeish and getting redder and redder. The clock was showing 6.00 already!  I didn’t think too much of it. I just went to my Facebook and updated my status about the sky. (I used to do this a lot too! In my FB status, I will go, “people, look up the sky this morning! Very pretty!” And this way, I will know who among my friends are early-risers like me)

 

Because I did not get enough sleep last night, I went back to sleep for a further one hour. When I woke up at seven….the sky was still orangeish and red! I was like, what the…? My first thought was…this is strange! And my next thought was (which is kind of stupid)  maybe the sun was having trouble rising and was stuck in a state of permanent semi-risen-ness (there’s no such word, please don’t include this in your English essay).

And the very strong cold wind…totally creep me out! I mean….I am used to strong winds in Newcastle. In Malaysia I had no idea what the novel I was reading had meant when it described ‘the sound of the wind’. Ever since I got to overseas, I totally get it! 

Today…the strong wind creeps me out because it is coupled with the peculiarity of the sky.

I went to my Facebook again…and I was very surprised to see sooo many people in Newcastle have dedicated their FB status to the colors of the sky.

Below are some of them that caught my attention:

Miss Y: the langit is red now..really..and, the wind sgt kuat…takut…

 Miss H: This weather today is so weird and I’m so afraid to walk alone to uni this morning…anyone willing to walk with me today?

Mr. H: jaundice kah? ke makan rendang banyak sangat?  (hahaha…the sky is jaundiced!!)

Mr F: what’s with the sky..teringat plak langit mase br lpas tsunami kt msia dl..

Miss N: Ya Allah, matikan ak dalam iman~ waa nape weather mcm ni… (This status is so funny it totally cracks me up!)

Miss H: Seriously its scary outside its orange and the wind is making funny noises……..someone explain this to me coz newcastle is starting to creep me out !!!!

After reading/listening to the news, we found out that it is actually dust storm. It is due to very strong winds from Adelaide and South Australia. That winds lifted a whole lot of dust off the ground because it’s quite dry out there.

Dust Storm!

Teringat peristiwa Perang Ahzab. Lepas tu, teringat hari Kiamat pulak. Hmm…I guess the earth is getting older and older.

Below are some pictures I got off the internet (because my own camera rosak after my New Zealand trip. I am buying a new one, insya Allah). Enjoy and reflect!

In Sydney