#RiseIniKalilah

Disclaimer:

After recently doing an attachment in another hospital, meeting other MOs who are based in many different hospitals all over Malaysia, I’ve had an opportunity to discuss with them regarding health care issues at their respective setting, and about how they run their service in their respective hospital. My eyes were open to the fact that no system and no service is perfectly run. But we must continually improve the system, regardless. The conversation that I had with fellow attachment doctors reminded me that I had written about some of these issues that we have talked about a long time ago.

I wrote this article below about one year ago, before the GE 14. But I did not publish this post publicly because it was still a bit of a sensitive issue at that time. Now that we have changed to a new government, I decided that I should publish this post publicly. One year ago, I had written this article after a very emotionally-charged encounter with a patient that made me feel defeated. That made me feel like I couldn’t do much for her. That made me question myself regarding why I was even a government servant? That made me want to migrate elsewhere! That made me feel very hateful of the BN government! Last year, there were so many issues that affect the provision of healthcare in Malaysia that made me wonder if I could ever be the kind of doctor that I had always envisioned myself to be.

And I blamed the government then. Hahah.

Of course after the GE 14, I am all hopeful and optimistic these days. But I also think that the issues I had ranted about one year ago are still relevant. And therefore, since I am having a writer’s block at the moment and have no materials or issues to update in this blog for the time being, I decided to publish this old article of mine that had been collecting dust in my hard drive. (One blogger had asked me regarding how I manage to maintain my blog since 2009 and not suffering from a writer’s block like her? Most of my friends’  blogs were not updated for many years. Writer’s block is real, people! It is the most dreadful thing that can happen to a writer. So I told her that I write a lot of things that I don’t always immediately publish in this blog and simply keep them in my hard drive. When I have no materials with which to update my blog, I will simply choose one of those unpublished articles to be posted. Writer’s block sometimes can persist for months, folks. So when I do have things to write, I would go on a binge writing session and put those articles away as reserve. When the next writer’s block strike, at least I would still have something to post in this blog. So that’s the secret. Maximize your articles productivity when your thoughts are clear and chockablock with ideas but don’t publish all of them immediately in your blog. Keep a few of them away to tide you over in the months when you are suffering from lack of productivity secondary to writer’s block)

So here’s the article I had written one year ago and it was about social justice. Enjoy!

***

For The Sake of Social Justice

The problem with me is that I have a pretty high expectation about most things. I really do.

I am not a perfectionist, though. I am a practical idealist (though some would argue that the term ‘practical idealist’ is an oxymoron).

You see, there are times when I can relate to difficult patients, because I am pretty difficult myself (with very good insight about my difficult temperament. Hahaha). Trust me, you don’t want me as your patient. 

For example, if I had waited for four hours to see a doctor, you can bet your little finger that I expect a lot from the consultation later. A lot!

I would feel pretty disappointed (like I was short-changed)  if the doctor simply asked “Ada dengar suara bisik kat telinga? Ok, tak ada. Ubat makan tak? Boleh kerja? So, semua okey? Okey, kita sambung ubat macam biasalah.”

Four hours of my time yields only 5 minutes (or even less) of consultation?! Any REASONABLE patient would feel short-changed (let alone a demanding and a difficult one!). The patient might even decide to default follow up next time because he/she didn’t feel the consultation was worth the trouble and the waiting time. (I certainly know that I am the type of person who HATES waiting. Hahaha. Orang macam aku takkan mau dah jumpa doktor kalau aku rasa tak berbaloi! I won’t do something that don’t give me worthy outcome!)

Sometimes, I feel so terrible about my inability to spend more time to see each and every one of my patient. There are times when I want to prolong the consultation simply because I want the patients to feel that their waiting was worth it. But when I look at the piles of cases left to be seen in front of me, all my good intentions fly out the window.

However I always make sure that I ask a token question of “Ada apa-apa dak nak tanya lagi?” or “Nak habaq apa-apa ka sebelum kita habis?” or “ada apa-apa lagi nak bincang dengan doktor sebelum habis?” (Nampak tak perkataan ‘sebelum kita habis’ dah ada unsur-unsur nak kejar patient? Unsur-unsur nak menutup consultation, tetapi masih berlapik. Hahah)

You know, it is laughable. Usually we said “Sebelum kita habis, ada apa-apa lagi ke nak tanya or nak habaq?” for a conversation that has been going on for a long time.

BUT! If they just came and ‘bontot pun tak panas lagi” and then suddenly I used the phrase “sebelum kita habis…” Hahaha. God… it is ridiculous, isn’t it? (If I were the patient, I would go, “You mean, we are already about to finish? We barely even started, doctor.”)

Most patients would say no. That they have nothing else to say or to ask. And some chronic Schizophrenic patients with negative symptoms really have nothing else to ask. In the first place, some of them are monosyllabic in answering questions. And some of them have poverty of thoughts and would not volunteer any information that is not directly asked. They don’t elaborate much on their answers because after years of illness and cognitive impairment, they are not able to produce the sort of spontaneous speech that we all have taken for granted. 

And some patients who are rushing to pick up their kids from school really don’t mind that the consultation is short. (“Saya tunggu lama sebab nak ambil ubat ja. Memang saya nak rushing balik kerja/ambil anak/nak masak. So tak pa lah, doktor sambung ubat ja lah.” they would say with an annoyed tone because they have been waiting for so long just to continue medication) But I still ask that token question of “ada apa-apa nak bincang dengan doktor?” just to comfort myself that I have done my job. That I have invited them to say their piece. That I have fulfilled my obligation to hear them out after they have waited for so long. And if they said they were fine, then I won’t feel guilty if I decide not to probe further. So it makes me feel better that I have asked. (As if my ‘ajak-ajak ayam’ to talk further is good enough! LOL)

Of course, we KKM staff can comfort ourselves by saying “Ni hospital kerajaan. Nak buat macam mana? Kalau nak cepat kena pi private. Patient lain dok tunggu lagi lama. Kalau tak boleh tunggu lama, pi lah private.  Kalau nak luah perasaan lama-lama, kena pi private. Kalau nak dapat doktor yang layan awak macam raja, kena pi private.”

Is that gonna be our tagline? “Kalau malas tunggu, pi private” or “Kalau nak demand, pi lah private”, dan yang sewaktu dengannya?

Whatever the patients want that we cannot fulfil, let’s direct them to the private clinics, huh?

So, other than our routine core business of seeing patients (furiously fast) what are we doing here as a government staff?

See…we in the government, have no choice but to prioritise. Some cases are difficult and we do spend more time exploring their issues to their hearts’ content (and our hearts’ content). Not all cases can ‘touch and go’. Affective disorders (with new stressors) will take up almost half an hour of our time, at least (and in the mean time ,’to be seen’ cases keep piling up in front of you. Patients keep knocking on your door, asking for you to hurry up because they have some other urgent matters elsewhere).

Some people think Schizophrenia is difficult to see. (“Pesakit Schizophrenia mesti aggressive. Susah. Mesti lama nak kena settle,” some inexperienced non-psychiatric doctors might think). But actually, psychotic disorders are the best cases to handle when you are rushing. When they are aggressive, you just jab them with IM Haloperidol.  (If they are already stable and not aggressive, you just asked “Dengar suara tak? Kalau tak dengar suara, dose ubat ni kira dah oklah. So, kita sambung ubat macam biasa.” End of consultation. That’s the main gist of it, with some variations. When you are rushing, you cannot be as thorough as you like. It is so sad.)

It is the affective disorders that always make me feel guilty when I cannot see them longer than I want to. They would cry, then they need to talk…and talk…. AND talk. And they will cry some more. They deserve my time… and I cannot fulfil their expectation, sometimes. Not because I am rushing to go out for lunch. But because other patients are waiting too and they keep rushing you! I could forego my lunch if patients are willing to postpone the rest of their activities just to wait for me to thoroughly see each and every one of them. But they are not willing to postpone picking up their children, are they? They are not willing to postpone going back to their office too, are they? They are not willing to postpone getting back home so that they can carry on with their routine, are they? THEY couldn’t wait! And therefore, I couldn’t spend more time than I would have liked to if it were up to me.

But when I DO spend my time with them, we get distracted a lot. By noises! By people going in and out. By conversation crossing over, here, there and everywhere. I lost focus. My irritability raises quite a bit when I am forced to converse in noise. I hate it.

It’s just not ideal.

The ideal side of my ‘practical idealist self’ finds it intolerable. But the practical side of the same self know that I should learn to accept the situation and make do with whatever we have.

If I were the patient, I would write a letter of complaint to Pengarah and said “Dahlah masa menunggu lama. Bila masuk bilik, jumpa doktor tak sampai 5 minit. Dalam 5 minit tu pun, bilik penuh, sendat macam dengan apa. Saya cakap pun kena kuat-kuat, sebab bising. Bila saya cakap kuat, pesakit sebelah lagi pun cakap lagi kuat sebab dia pun nak didengari juga. Doktor saya pun terpaksa cakap kuat sebab bising. Doktor sorang lagi pun akan cakap lagi kuat. Belum lagi medical students yang dok berkeliaran sana sini. Saya rasa saya lagi stressed out. Dalam bilik tu kena share punya ramai orang! Ada 4 doktor dalam satu bilik, campur empat pesakit dan campur keluarga mereka sekali dalam bilik tu. Dan student-student dok pi mai, pi mai. Rasa-rasanya, saya ada mood tak nak cerita masalah peribadi saya dalam suasana yang macam tu?”

(I told you that I am a difficult person. You really don’t want me to be your patient. See? You have no idea how thoroughly I can voice my complaints, and how profoundly I can elaborate on it. When I have something to say, I REALLY say it. Haha)

But as a pragmatic, we deal with the limitations that we have. We make things work because we have NO OTHER CHOICE. And this situation is similar in ANY government setting. Consultation rooms are shared because there are simply no more extra room to be used. When I talk to my friends elsewhere, they told me that in certain settings in KKM, even the pantry is used to see patients! (Again, if I were the patient, I will definitely complain.)

We in KKM might say, “So what? Bayar RM5 saja, dah mengada-ngada. Patients tak berhak nak demand dengan RM 5,”  Eh? Betul? Cuma kita sebagai doktor, patut ada rasa tak puas hati bagi pihak pesakit. Kita kena ada rasa nak improve kita punya service. But who would care about what the doctors had voiced out to the admin? People would only start to care once the patient himself/herself complains against any hospital in the social media and it becomes viral. 

Imagine if all doctors told their patients, “Encik pi lah mengadu. Nah….ni borang aduan. Lagi banyak encik mengadu, lagi senang kami nak justify buat perubahan. Semua ni perlu budget yang kami tak ada.” Why don’t we encourage patients to complain against us?!  You see….that’s what the practical side of my ‘practical idealist’ self would think as a good solution. My practical side thinks that encouraging our patients to complain against us is the most effective way to get the ball rolling. To get the attention of the higher up.

But no! Once you are in admin, you don’t want to hear complaints kan? Sebab nanti kau yang nak kena jawab. So…I don’t know. It’s a Catch-22 situation. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Maybe admin should welcome complaints as a method to pressure the powers that be to pay attention. When called to produce an explanation letter, we can simply write as follows: “I have nothing to explain. The patient was right in everything she said. Now, you deal with it! How can you help me to improve my service with the paltry, minuscule budget you are giving me? Call me when you have the answer. I am most anxiously waiting.”

Tak cukup staff kat ward sebab memang tak ada pengambilan staff baru… okey, we deal with it.

Tak boleh start appropriate medication untuk patient sebab tak ada quota, we deal with it.

Tak boleh nak provide more comfortable consultation environment for the patient, we deal with it.

Tak boleh claim elaun untuk provide good community service during oncall, we deal with it.

We are okay to deal with it as long as we think the government has no money through NO FAULT OF THEIRS. But that is not the case! The case is they are very much at fault! Where the hell is the GST money?  Budget cuts for health is starting to affect our patients.

The case is, the government is very incompetent through blatant corruption that has been swept under the carpet again and again.

The case is, all these difficulties are secondary to greedy politicians swindling money right, left and center!

That’s the case!

So nowadays, I push all my patients to apply for OKU cards and allowance. I used to dread seeing the OKU forms being brought by patients…. because it meant that I would have to go to my specialist, wait outside her door and pounce upon her once she has ended her consultation with her patient in order to get her to sign the OKU form. I hate waiting. The time waiting for my specialist to sign the OKU form can be used to see patients. That’s why I used to feel a sort of chest heaviness whenever I saw my patients bringing OKU forms that needed to be signed (In my mind, I went, “habislah masa aku terbuang menunggu depan bilik specialist untuk sign OKU form”. I generally don’t like to interrupt an on-going consultation and would wait until my specialist has finished with his/her patient before I would ask them to sign the OKU form. I project my own tendency to feel irritated when people interrupt my session with my patients. So I would have to wait in front of the specialist’s door until his/her patient comes out of the room… only then, I would enter the room to get the form signed.)

But nowadays, I stop rushing or thinking about wasted time. I give away OKU forms to most patients who don’t yet have an OKU card, even when they didn’t ask for it. “Nah, ni borang OKU. Akak balik isi borang ni, nanti bawa mai kat saya.” Some of them did not know that such welfare money is available, but I would voluntarily tell them to go and apply for it, overzealously pushing them to get the OKU card.

I want my patients to get the money, because otherwise those money will only sit around waiting to be swindled by other greedy hands. My patients have the illness, and they are entitled to it, in a way that no politicians are. At least I know that some of the taxpayers money are spent where it should be. That is my version of social justice. Distribution of wealth of the nation must be fair. In the cases when it is grossly unfair, then we should do everything in our power to help tip the balance.

In my current situation, the only thing I can do is to promote to every patient to apply for all sort of welfare aids that are available in the country. My patients are more deserving of the money than undeserving kleptocrats. Khalas! And if it means that I am going to have to waste some time getting the OKU form signed, then be it! For just a little bit of social justice, the wasted time would be worth it. 

Because, really, what else is there to do? When you are working as a public servant of a corrupted government, what else is there to do to ensure just a little bit of social justice takes place? Maybe… the time has come to really grieve.

The End

***

When I read back  the above article that I had written one year ago, I remember again all the anger and frustration I had felt at that time. But I also experience that bittersweet sensation one usually feel after having defeated an oppressive opponent in a torturous drawn-out battle.

Bitter from remembering the anger I had once felt against the government! Sweet because I had played a small part in toppling the kleptocratic government when I became a PACA for PH!

When I heard that a movie has been made about the saga of GE 14 and it would be released this September, I just couldn’t wait to watch it! Guys, I don’t usually watch local movies, but I do watch all local movies when they are about patriotism! And this one is special… because this patriotic story happened in my lifetime. I was a witness to a great history! And now that it is made into a movie, I will not miss watching this.

And what makes the movie even better is, one of the directors for the movie, Nik Amir Mustapha, was my batchmate in MRSM Langkawi! So, there are so many reasons why I am so excited to watch this movie.

Come on guys, let’s watch it when it is released on 16 September 2018! Tempt yourself by watching the trailer of the movie below. The trailer is inspiring!

#GE14

#RiseIniKalilah

 

 

 

My GE 14 Saga With Invoke (Illustrated By My Facebook Status)

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“Kak Ngah, careful what you write on facebook. Kak Ngah tu penjawat awam.” My mom admonished me one day when I went back to my parents’ house for a visit.

“Kenapa pula, mak? Kerajaan dah bubar. La ni mana ada kerajaan. Time ni lah nak berkempen, nak cakap apa pun.” As usual, I was being my obstinate self.

So, my mother left me to my own devices.

 

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The truth is, I use social media to advocate for what I believe in… not really to connect with friends or acquaintances. With real friends, I would just call, or whatsapp or simply meet them face-to-face.

I use facebook to read interesting articles shared by friends, to follow pages of political parties,  NGOs or associations, to follow the news by BBC/Al-Jazeera/CNN… well basically, just to be in the know. And just to update my store of general knowledge. I think Facebook revolutionized the rate of news acquisition and the variety of general knowledge we can be au courant in. That’s why I usually approve most of my friend requests by Facebook even when I don’t really know the person requesting to follow me. These people will share their own news and articles of their liking, and therefore I get to read and learn something new other than my own existing interest. At the same time, the more people reading my Facebook status, the more people I get to reach to share ideas and beliefs with. Facebook is great for social advocacy, if you care about that sort of thing. (But I make sure my instagram followers are real friends that I have actually met and like. haha. I post a lot of silly pictures on instagram, so I am pretty particular about who I am friends with on instagram. My silliness  are reserved for certain people only.)

In the days leading to the historical GE 14, I was very, very active on Facebook. I shared article upon article from many sources that I came across. All those articles had one important thing in common; they all condemned the BN government. My parents were getting pretty worried about how transparent I have made of my opinion about the government.

But to me, if not now, when?

Are we supposed to keep silent when something clearly evil and unjust are happening around us just because we are too selfish to jeopardize our position? Even at the stake of the nation?

So how are we different from the people around Najib whom we labeled as “spineless, corrupted and brainless” in their blind support of Najib. People were always wondering “Kenapalah orang-orang sekeliling Najib ni tak tegur dia? Kenapa diorang tak cuba perbetulkan apa yang salah? Don’t they have the balls to fight for the rakyat?”

Wow! Pandai kita nak suruh orang lawan Perdana Menteri! *clap clap* Well, ask yourself why you couldn’t even speak up for something right even in your own small department! If we ourselves are a ‘yes-boss’ man, then we have no rights to criticize the ministers around Najib! Kita yang lebih bacul! Pengecut di medan kampung! I have no respect for any type of cowardice. These sort of people will never earn my respect or admiration. They hide their weakness and cowardice behind the mask of diplomacy… when the truth is, they are cowards… fighting is just too hard for them… so they just go with the flow. Selfishly, ruthlessly uncaring of the subordinate’s or the rakyat’s plight. Shameless! Shameless! Shameless!

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My facebook status, sharing Tun M’s open letter to all UMNO members! One really powerful letter! I am sure ramai ahli UMNO sendiri undi PH!

List of Oppression committed by Najib (and the list is NOT exhaustive)

-Dropping Abdul Ghani as AG and replacing him with Apandi

-Removal of two MACC directors for investigating 1MDB (Datuk Bahri Mohd Zin and Datuk Rohaizad Yaakob)

-Removal of Bank Negara Governor (Tan Sri Zeti Akhtar)

-Sacking of Muhyiddin Yassin and Shafie Apdal

-Removing of Mukhriz as Kedah MB

-Unfair election tactics in which the Election Committee was basically under Najib’s thumb-

– gerrymandering

-election day set on a weekday 

-unfair anti fake-news law

-Registrar of Society refusing to recognise Pakatan Harapan 

-the banning of Tun M’s face in campaign posters

-the rule of 10 days notice to campaign in other constituencies.

All these resulted in an unlevelled playing field between BN and PH in the GE 14. These are Najib’s obvious attempt to steal an election. 

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I was getting heartily sick of the oppressive cruelty of BN, to the point that I have made some mental plans to migrate to Brunei or Singapore or the UK when I have finished my final exam. I remember thinking “Thank God, I took the MRCPSYCH pathway, so that my qualification is recognized everywhere in the world. I can just pack up and get out!” And I was not the only one who had made plans. Some of my Chinese friends wanted to migrate to Australia… and I didn’t blame them. They have kids whose future are their primary concern, enough said.

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A few days after the dissolution of the parliament, I saw the status in the INVOKE Facebook page about how they needed 20,000 volunteers for the election. And they only had 4000 so far. That piece of news came across as very alarming to me. That was 16,000 volunteers short of what they actually needed!

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I started calling for other people to join INVOKE when I found out that they only had 4000 volunteers at that time.

I wanted Najib and BN to lose… but how could I expect PH to win when they were the underdog fighting against the bully in an unlevelled playing field that seemed to  favour the bully?

PH did not have as much funds as BN to help them campaign and win the election. They didn’t have much funds to entice people to act as their polling agent and counting agent. All they had were their ideals and their integrity and their sincere desire to rebuild the nation.

Guys, I am not the sort of person who like to do any sort of work that involves having to meet and socialize with complete strangers. I don’t enjoy being placed in a situation of discomfort involving getting to know people in order to have to work with them.But it spoke volume of how much I loathed and despised Najib and the BN government that I could even overcome my dislike of meeting strangers and just registered my name online as an INVOKE volunteer. (It spoke volume of how much Mahathir and the opposition hate Najib when they could collaborate to topple him! I NEVER thought I would see Mahathir and Anwar team up again in my lifetime!)

I am the sort of person who love spending my free time reading and writing and surfing the internet for ideas and inspiration to write…that I have never done one single locum in my entire life! All my free time is for me and my hobbies and my family….I make sure my salary is enough for my lifestyle without any need to supplement my income in other ways. And now that I am furthering my study, my free time is even more precious because I get so little time to read now.

If the situation was not so dire, I would never willingly volunteer at INVOKE. I would just inconspicuously watch the progress of the election campaign while being an ardent supporter in the social media rather than actually having to be personally involved or having to come down to the Pusat Operasi Pilihanraya, or having to meet complete strangers and making small talk. In my mind…. doing all these is agony! 

But the situation was dire. It was critical. They needed volunteers and I could not ignore the Invoke’s call anymore. (I had ignored some of the INVOKE facebook status calling for volunteers in the past. I tried to silence my conscience by thinking that other people would step up soon and there was no need for me to volunteer.)

As I have mentioned before… I believe in effort. I really do. I believe God will help you if you are sincere and your effort is enough. The fact that you put in some effort is already a mark of sincerity. If you are just being wishful of a government change without really doing anything…. how really sincere is your wish for a government change?

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I took the opportunity to attend a MEGA PACA course when it was held on the 13th of April at Dewan Lip Seang Khor in Sungai Petani, which was quite convenient for me as I live in Alor Setar. I didn’t know anyone there. I went there and had to make conversation with a bunch of older ladies because I sat with them at the same table. But despite all the social discomfort, I learned a lot at this course. It was packed with knowledge regarding the election process, the important roles played by PACA as the last defense against a rigged election process, what we have to do if there were some hanky panky (blackouts, anyone? haha). And I noticed how utterly prepared the PH people were this time around. For example, we were provided with the number of lawyers near our area who we could contact should we need them to come to us for any legal issues that might have taken place in each saluran.

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I guess, many people were like me. We were all so alarmed by the small number of volunteers… so we volunteered ramai-ramai and within a week, the number of volunteers increased from 4000 to 17,594 PACAs!

 

Within a few days after registering online to be an INVOKE volunteer, I was added into INVOKE Kedah Whatsapp group. And later, I was added into Parlimen Pokok Sena Whatsapp group,… and then later I was added in DUN Bukit Pinang Whatsapp Group… and then I was added in Hutan Kampung Whatsapp Group (because that was the polling centre where I would be doing my PACA duty).  Yupp… so many whatsapp groups. My whatsapp traffic had never been so busy before the days leading to the GE14. These whatsapp groups contained political hot news and latest information, but sometimes also rumours and hearsay. I was inundated with political datas! But it was up to my judgment how much I wanted to believe them.

When I first went to Pusat Operasi Pilihanraya DUN Bukit Pinang, I met Kak N (the DUN candidate’s agent) who proceeded to brief me regarding my PACA duties and the area I would be assigned to. We went straight into business without much unnecessary small talk (Thank God). I was asked to sign Borang Sumpah Kerahsiaan (Borang A) that all polling agents must sign.  Then, I was immediately made comfortable when we talked politics and our common aspirations for Malaysia and our dissatisfaction towards PAS (the PAS topic will be in my next post, insyaAllah)

I tried to avoid telling the people in the pusat operasi about my job as a doctor. I really didn’t think it was that relevant to what I was volunteering to do. But they kept on asking where I was working, and then which department… and what exactly did I do in that department… they were relentless in pursuing all my vague answers. They were so surprised to have a doctor volunteering as PACA. All these while they had people of a lower socioeconomic status volunteering to do these sort of work… and mostly for the allowance money (which was not even that much. Only RM 50).

It was like PKSN (program khidmat sosial negara) all over again. I was the only one from MRSM school who volunteered to attend PKSN… and had to make new friends with people of different background from me. Intelligent students don’t seem to care much about volunteering… they are less patriotic… they care only about studies and the number of As they could obtain. After SPM, they will go travel overseas, and get a driving license… they care about themselves and things they can do to advance themselves. If their names come up for PLKN training, they rush to see a doctor to get the doctor’s confirmation of how unfit they are to be a PLKN trainee.  I wonder sometimes, do these intelligent people have any higher ideals in their lives beyond their own day-to-day life? Don’t you care about the country? 

I guess, doctors and professionals are just too busy to be volunteering. But wait a minute… my Chinese friend who is also a doctor had volunteered as PACA too (but at a different DUN than mine). Most of my Chinese friends do a lot of volunteer works for Tzu Chi. My doctor friends from Australia do a lot volunteer works too. Volunteerism is like a way of life. Intelligent people in other places and within other races will volunteer because they have ideals they want to champion!

It is not so among Malay professionals, though. What we like to do is simply to become keyboard warriors and just ineffectively vent out our frustrations with each other (but not in front of the boss. Hahaha! See?) Anyone who is too vocal or too blunt is considered an anathema. This is something in the Malay culture that is so rotten that it stinks so bad. The Malay attitude of  “berdiplomasi, hormat tak kena tempat,” is the very reason BN could get away with daylight robberies and blatant oppression all these years. They KNEW the Malays’ anger  “tak ke mana”. Maybe we had deserved the sort of government we had had all these while.

The day before the election, I came down to Pusat Operasi again to take my SPRM name tags as a counting agent and a polling agent. I realized that our situation was so dishearteningly sad. I was quite worried, to be honest, when I compared the PH’s resources to that of BN and even PAS. Other parties had many agents, so they could do a duty roster consisting of 3-4 shifts, allowing their polling agents to rotate duties frequently. And they had different people to be the polling agents and the counting agents. Whereas for us, our duty as a polling agent was continuous with our duty as the counting agent too. We only had two shifts as polling agents from 7.30 am until 5 pm. From 7.30 until 12.30, the first polling agent would be on duty (while the second polling agent went to vote). From 12.30 to 5.00 pm, the second polling agent would take over from the first polling agent (to allow the first polling agent the opportunity to cast his own vote)  Because I was the second polling agent, I had to negotiate with my first polling agent to allow me to pray my Zohor prayer first before I took over from him. And after 5 pm, the first polling agent will return and join the second polling agent at the saluran, but this time, both of the polling agents would switch their ‘polling agents tags’ to ‘counting agents tags’. 

See? That’s why I was given two tags: polling agent and counting agent! We were so short of staff. We could only watch as other PACAs from other parties came and went and rotated multiple times for toilet breaks, lunch time and even ‘rokok time’. 

 

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And while other parties sent two polling agents each shift (one for the DUN candidate and one for the Parliamentary candidate), we could only send one agent. So I was the polling agent for both DUN and Parliament candidates. Double the work…. double Borang 13 to be filled, double Borang 14 to be filled. And it was also my first time doing all these! I was such a novice and was simply learning everything on the go. Thank God the PACAs from PAS were quite helpful. PH agents and PAS agents formed a kind of team, helping each other… we didn’t talk to  the BN agents as much. Haha. 

The polling and counting process in my saluran was quite smooth-sailing. Our presiding officer (ketua tempat mengundi/KTM) was quite cooperative and very reasonable. After all the paperwork was done, and all the numbers tallied nicely, my Borang 14 which contained the formal result for each saluran was signed without any hassle. I snapped the picture of Borang 14 and sent it through the Whatsapp Group. And then all the PACAs and SPRM officers said our goodbyes and our apologies for any offences caused.  I went out of the polling center at 8.00 pm and managed to submit my Borang 14 at the Pusat Operasi around 10 minutes past 8.00. People in the Pusat Operasi asked me to join them hanging around but I politely excused myself. My duty was done and I needed to withdraw to my own familiar environment.

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My facebook status after I have submitted my Borang 14 to the Pusat Operasi, which meant that my PACA duty was done and dusted. Alhamdulillah.

I rushed to my parents’ house for Maghrib prayer and Isha prayer and then I came down to be with the whole family in the living room to watch Astro Awani on TV (even though we ended up following the results through the internet because the election results on TV was so slow). I have never been THIS excited in following the election results before. This time, I was directly involved in the process, directly involved in the making of history.

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This was my facebook status while awaiting the results of the election. I was alarmed when I heard that in some places in Sabah, KTM had refused to sign the Borang 14.  My friends in my various Whatsapp  asked me whether everything was ok at my saluran. I reassured them that everything was smooth and fine at my saluran. And they made their usual joke about me “Berani KTM nak buat pasal kat tempat Afiza jaga”. Hahha. But actually, the more experienced PAS PACA was much more vigilant than I was. I only followed what they did and supported all their objections. LOL.

I only slept at 4.00 a.m when I was reasonably sure that PH had won. I could never sleep before knowing for sure who was the winning party. The whole family was jubilant! We had dreamed of this… but we didn’t dare to dream hard because it felt like a battle between David and Goliath! In that historical battle, David had won, of course. But how sure were we that PH could replicate David’s epic win against all odds? It felt too far-fetched…too good to be true… too much of a fairy tale. We toiled and persevered to  the end, of course… but we didn’t dare to hope too much, lest we would be too disappointed.

But miracualously, Alhamdulillah, PH had won against all odds too! What do you know, huh? See? Dreams do come true, sometimes. 

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Haha! Nampak tak merah menyala status Mak Ngah! Merah itu kemarahan rakyat terhadap kleptokrat! Dan merah itu juga semangat juang dan semangat kemenangan rakyat!

I felt like all my effort and my exhaustion and my emotional investment in the whole thing had paid off. I played a very small role in this election, I only did what I could… but it accumulated into a big collective effort. Our role as PACAs and as responsible Malaysian voters paid off! We had grasped in our hands a resounding success!

Thank You, Allah, for always reminding me repeatedly that efforts are required for us to receive YOUR help… even when it felt like it was against all odds. YOU had allowed me to experience the same Sunnahtullah again and again. That I should always “Tie my camel, then trust in Allah.” Don’t bother about the odds. Just do your part!

Allah said that He is what His slave expects Him to be.

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Allah the Most High said, ‘I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he mentions Me. If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself; and if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an arm’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.’”

So expect that Allah will grant you your dreams when you do your part! And you yourself will channel your effort according to your expectations. Expectation is a powerful thing! We work in accordance to our own expectation and ideals about ourselves and others. And if we set a low standard in how we should behave, then that’s it! We won’t volunteer, we won’t fight, we won’t lift a finger, we won’t speak up… we will just be cowards!

I am sure the GE14 saga will be made into a political case study in political science courses around the world. Our election was closely followed by International media the world over. How a small nation can topple a kleptocratic government without shedding even one drop of blood! That’s gloriously inspirational! That’s something Malaysians should be proud of!

The peaceful Malaysian Spring bloomed hopeful flowers rather than burned building and damaged bridges! May 13 tragedy has been overshadowed by May 9 victory. People won’t talk about May 13 without also talking about May 9 to the future generation next time. This is the power of the rakyats who came together for their love of Malaysia, putting their racial consideration aside! Look how far we could achieve when we fight hard enough.

For now, I leave you guys with more pictures of the election day and some of my FB status throughout the election day.  Here they are!

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I put up this status the day after the election day! I was so happy that PH won! Alhamdulillah.

Everyone played a small part… even the postal voters did what they could in their own limited capacity! But collectively, it made up into a gigantic effort that had succeeded in toppling the kleptocrats! This is our glorious Malaysian history!

And yes… oh yes… what a time to be alive!