The Most Meaningful Eid of My Life

Assalamualaikum everyone.

I hope this post finds everyone in the greatest of physical, mental and spiritual health. And hopefully, in the greatest of iman too, after one month long of intensive ibadah, Insha Allah.

May Allah accept all our good deeds that we have performed in the blessed month of Ramadhan. Taqabbal Allahu Minna Wa Minkum, folks.

eid-mubarak-and-taqabbal-allahu-minna-wa-minkum-1

This particular Eid-ul-Fitr is very special to me. The most meaningful Eid I have ever had in my 31 years of living, I must say. This Eid is special because this Ramadhan has been very, very extraordinary for me.

Beyond description, beyond words.

There was one particular day in the month of Ramadhan, that made the whole of this Ramadhan very special for me. I received the most wonderful spiritual gift from God; an intense wake-up call I have not received for years (maybe since I left Australia).

On Friday, on the 11th day of Ramadhan 1437  (17/6/2016), was the day I learned the biggest, most profound lesson of my life.

That day was the reason the rest of my Ramadan passed by with me feeling slightly unhinged…. like I was free-falling in a world without gravity.  On that day I was swept in a spectrum of emotions I only experienced at tepid degrees in the past. 

 That was the day I felt like I have learned the secret of the universe; the reason behind existence.

It was the day I shall never forget for the rest of my life. The day that makes this year’s Eid more wonderful, more magical, more miraculous, more blessed (really!) than any other Eid I have experienced in the past.

beforeandafter

But the experience of that day is still too raw for me to write about in details. Other than my immediate family members, I have not told a single soul about it. Not any of my close friends. Not even my best friend. 

I went through my daily routine like nothing significant had ever befallen me. (La Belle Indifference? Or my fabulous coping mechanism?) I went to work as usual, going through the motions like a dream as though I was never slapped awake by what had happened. 

One day, I will write about it. When I have made sense of it. When I have fully grasped and fully processed the whole thing, I shall write about it.  

Now I am just basking in the happiness that God in His wisdom has chosen me to bestow a box of gift, containing insightful life lessons in it. At least, I was worthy of being woken up to the knowledge that I always intellectually knew, but never emotionally feel. He taught me to feel the myriad of emotions I feel unworthy to dip my soul into. My heart was hardened by life. I never thought it could ever soften.

Then, came this Ramadhan. And the impossible happens.🙂

I was thankful then and I am thankful now. Even though, when I received that gift, my world shifted, and I flipped backwards (quite literally). 

I shall not forget it. Insya Allah, God will not make me forget it.

Ever. 

***

Hafazah

Katakanlah nanti suatu hari
Kita bertemu sekali lagi
Jasad, jisim, jirim ukhrawi
Bukan di sini, di syurga abadi
Akankah kau aku kenali?
Akankah aku kau dekati?
Akankah kau aku hampiri?
Lantas berkata dengan lirih,
“It was you then, wasn’t it?
In the world once you’d saved me,”
Akankah kau menjawab kembali,
“No problem, dearie, you don’t owe me,
It was my job, so I did it.
The ink has dried, the pen is lifted.”  

Akankah aku berkata pula
“Sudah lama ingin berjumpa,
mengenali dia gerangan mana,
menjaga aku tika bahaya,
mengiringi ku dalam duka,”
Kemudian kau akan ketawa,
“No problem dearie, you don’t owe me,
It was my job, so I did it.
The ink has dried, the pen is lifted.”

Akankah aku melirik padamu,
Lalu dengan suara esak tersedu
Mengucapkan puisi dalam sendu
Yang kau balas dengan keliru.
“No problem dearie, you don’t owe me,
It was my job, prescribed by God
So I did it, not for you
I swear, nothing else is true,
It wasn’t your time, or it would be done”

Atau mungkin kita tidak akan berjumpa,
Kerna layakkah aku menapak ke syurga?
Mencarimu di sana adakah terdaya?
Mungkin madah ini takkan termakna
Hanya tinta beku coretan pena
Catatan kaku selama-lamanya.

-Afiza Azmee-

5/7/16, 30 Ramadhan 1437

5.30 pm

 

 

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