The Misogynist Relative

This is something only female doctors and female staff would ever understand. If you talk to your male colleagues, they wouldn’t have any idea why you are so upset. They would say you are the one who is emotional. Putting the blame on you for losing your temper. 

This is the fact. Some males cannot tolerate females having the upper hand. They are the misogynists of the society. If a male doctor (even just a male Medical Assistant or a male PPK) admonishes them for defaulting treatment, they can accept it. Even submissive to the scolding. If a female doctor (or a female nurse) says the same thing, they fly into a rage.

And they expect females to cower under the heavy cloud of their male displeasure. The damn misogynist! Even if the female is a doctor and is advising him in the capacity of her intellect and her knowledge as a doctor, he would be loathe to agree to what she said. Because it wasn’t a male doctor/staff who says it.

They couldn’t accept it.

They would tolerate the heaviest scolding done by a male member of the health fraternity, but would not accept the slightest hint of disapproval by the female member of the same society.

They have this concept, this mind-set in their under-developed brain that females should simply agree with everything they say. When they are wrong, females should not point it out to them. They treat the male doctors and  male staff with more respect than they would ever even THINK to give to female doctors and female staff.

Fine. I dealt with these sort of male bigots my own way. 

But how do you deal with male colleagues who then implies that you are wrong for losing your temper?

“Mungkin nada suara hang waktu tu kot….” Suggested a male colleague.

Was he joking? It wasn’t funny.

Right….. so it’s my tone of voice. Nada suara aku pula menjadi mangsa kecaman.

But this same rude male can be submissive to another male’s scolding. A scolding consists of even higher tone of voice than my questioning. But it’s ok because it is a male who is using such a tone. The way he talked to my MA in the clinic and the way he submitted to my HOD during grand ward rounds were a far cry to how he behaved towards me. In the first place, he treated them with respect and therefore my male boss and my male MA did not have any reason to have a different tone of voice with him. To THEM, he is conciliatory.

My tone of voice doesn’t come about unprovoked. If that were the case, if my tone of voice is always accusatory in nature to everyone without any good reason, if my annoying tone of voice is just part of my nature with everyone….I wouldn’t have any loyal patients who insist to see only Dr. Afiza and no other doctors.

So don’t talk about my tone voice. I admit I lose my temper. But if a male doctor or a male boss lose their temper against this sort of rudeness, it was accepted as deserving. They wouldn’t question the male doctor’s tone of voice to be the cause of the patient’s rudeness.But if the patient or the relative was rude to me….suddenly it was my tone of voice that provoked such rudeness. (Apparently, males losing their tempers => it’s  justified anger. Females losing their tempers no matter how terribly provoked….well, they are just emotional faggots!)

A male doctor can be tough on a male patient or his relatives, and they would just say, “Memang ada salah kami juga doktor. Tapi nak buat macam mana dia tak mau makan ubat. Kami cuba dah, doktor.” His tone would be perfectly conciliatory and benign. (So the male doctors and the male staffs would have no reason to be upset or to lose their tempers towards him)

But if I were the one questioning the relative for letting the patient to default medication…. “La ni doktor, tak payah nak buka cerita lama. Kami mai sini nak ambil ubat. Dia dah sakit pun…. kita tak payah nak cerita panjang. Memang kami salah juga tak bawa dia mai setahun setengah. Tapi yang pihak hospital boleh tak alert dia tak mai follow up ni kenapa? Awat doktor tak mai melawat kat rumah?”

This is the same relative who had showed up after one year and a half of allowing the patient to default treatment and then had the audacity to threaten the staff nurse at the counter that he would make a report against us to the hospital director if we don’t comply to his demand to do a home visit. As though after almost two years of not caring that the patient under his care had defaulted follow up, he had every rights in the world to just materialize in front of the clinic counter threatening my FEMALE staff nurse. (Gentleman habis, kan?)

I can accept the general society’s biased views. Most of the time, I don’t interact with the society at large. But if my niche society consisting of my own colleagues and my own male staffs are the ones supporting such biased behaviour among patients and their relatives, I would not tolerate it.

I wouldn’t.

I have to interact with them on a daily basis. If they are the sort who would always blame their female counterparts for whatever altercation that transpires in the consultation room, interaction with them would be an occupational hazard for me. I have to curb that tendency once and for all. 

The male staffs have no idea what the female staffs have to go through.

“Doktor perempuan pun depa buat macam tu. Doktor bayangkanlah kami yang nurses ni macam mana. Lagi depa tak respect. Sebab kami perempuan.” Said two of my community nurses. I soooooo get it!

Imagine how we feel when we tell our male colleagues about the rudeness of our patients’ male relatives and the reply that we got, “Nada suara hang tu kot…”

It’s just not enough that we did not get the same amount of respect that you guys  take for granted simply for being born with a penis… but you had to rub salt in our wounds by agreeing with them and putting the blame on us. And you did not even realize what you did.

Just don’t provoke me! I don’t mind losing my temper. I can lose my temper a thousand times over and then I can do it all over again.

I just don’t like losing my respect towards you. For not understanding what your female colleagues and your female staffs have to go through to defend the department against unfair blames by rude relatives. 

Empathy goes a long way, guys. 

Before I leave, here’s a quote for everyone to reflect upon. Smile and have a good day.


One thought on “The Misogynist Relative

  1. Pingback: My Personal Jihad – My Life Poetries That May Not Rhyme

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