Again, I don’t play the game of lip-service

Dear readers,

I was very surprised by the number of views and the amount of comments that ensued. My humble blog has never acquired that many traffic since I had it created in 2009.

This blog, first and foremost, is not an educational blog. And whatever I wrote here DO NOT represent the views of anyone else but myself, especially not my employer’s.

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If you are here expecting a clinical, monotonous, journal-like monologue of my thoughts and my opinion, you should get out of here stat. Move!  Because if that is your expectation, you will be utterly disappointed. As I have mentioned repeatedly in the past, I don’t bother to write unless I feel strongly about something. And when I write, my emotion is in it. Writing Is my passion.  And passion is turbulent. So if you expect a nice gentle ripple, forgive me, I cannot indulge you.

So, to those who think that I should PATIENTLY and NICELY educate the public, well, I suggest you do it yourself. Why don’t you? Really, just do it! Be the change that you want the world to be, right?

Don’t come to me if you expect TOTAL patience and kindness… because that is the one thing Allah knows I lack and in constant struggle of. I expect to strive to become more patient and more kind for the rest of my life and I pray that Allah will help me in that everlasting quest.

From reading those numerous comments on the post ‘Lip Service’ that I published yesterday, I have a few things to clarify and to comment.

 

The etiquette of Commenting

–          I don’t like vulgar words. They have NO PLACE in my blog. My blog is my personal kingdom. In this particular kingdom, by Allah’s permission, I reign. So if you are uncouth, rude and vulgar, your comment won’t be approved and you won’t be heard – regardless of whether or not you actually agree with me.

–          I don’t discriminate comments that do not agree with what I said. Scroll through the comments section and you will see PLENTY of comments that criticize me. As long as it is not vulgar, I will approve it. This is my promise. My word.

–          However, do expect a rebuttal – and sometimes – a rebuff. And let me remind you that it is quite unrealistic to expect total (as opposed to partial) patience and kindness from me. I am not built that way.

Commenting anonymously

There is safety in anonymity. But in my personal opinion, anonymity is weak. You have an opinion but are too afraid to own up to it. Perhaps, you want that safety net, just in case you are wrong.

I don’t know.

But I am the sort of person who don’t like to comment on things anonymously. Because when I bother to comment at all, it would be on things that are really important and I want people to know who they are communicating with about it.

But that’s just me.

If you scroll through the left handed section under the heading ‘Disclaimer’ you will see the words like below:

“Author welcomes your comments, your disagreements, your views about any of her posts in this blog. But she reserves her rights to delete those that contained profanities, vulgarities, unrelated topics and annoying anonymity. In other words, if you are going to be annoying, don’t be anonymous. And if you are going to be anonymous, don’t be annoying.”

And I meant every word when I had first written it. And I still mean every single syllable of them now.

However, I made an exception for the ‘Lip Service’ post. Because I wanted to generate comments and views on this very interesting topic.

If those who are annoyingly commenting on that post are someone I know, or my friends, or my superiors, or my colleagues, I will still disagree/agree with them in the same precise manner I would have with someone I don’t know… BUT  I would have done it in a more polite tone to preserve our ukhuwah.

But if you are annoying and you are anonymous, I don’t have the same incentive anymore. I will disagree with you but I will do it in the same rough manner that was subjected to me. Because you are an unknown ghost that happen to be annoying and as such, your feelings don’t matter to me.

If you expect a civilized reply from me, you only have several options on how to behave around here:

1)You can be  anonymous but nice – in which case, I thank you.

2)Or you can be annoying without being anonymous – and thus I will reply in a ‘gently’ annoying manner as well. I won’t be as rough because you are not anonymous and I care about your pride.

3) Or you can be nice and NOT anonymous – in which case, I have the pleasure of knowing how nice this beautifully-named person is.

 

Remember, I don’t give away lip service. With me, what you see is what you get. And I give as good as I get.

 

The accusation of me being over-generalizing to shy female patients and their romantically protective husbands, by labeling them as pseudo-religious

–          Well, this one is laughable. Don’t expect you can get away with accusing me in that manner without listening to my reply because I will give it.

–          First and foremost, I did use the words ‘some’ and ‘sometimes’ when I spoke about pseudo-religiosity. Go and check out the post again.

–          The last time I checked the English dictionary, the words ‘some’ and ‘sometimes’ are HARDLY generalization, let alone OVER-generalization. If your feelings are hurt unreasonably, don’t lay the blame at my door. Siapa makan cili and all that…yadda, yadda, yaddda….you get the drift!

–          Secondly, don’t speak to me about over-generalization. Because THOSE pseudo-religious people (okay, ‘those’ is a specific term; so don’t call that over-generalization because you can’t expect me to teach you English as well. Not fair to me) are the sort of person who would say things like these:

“Tak faham kenapa doktor lelaki nak jadi pakar dalam bidang O&G. Diorang ni tak ada maruah ke?”

(WHAT???? This is an even worse generalization than mine. At least, I WAS specific. Ask any English teacher who taught you comprehension at school with regards to how specific I was.)

 

“ Doktor-doktor hendaklah menjadi orang yang bekerja untuk beribadat. Maka pilihlah bidang-bidang yang mengikut syariat.” (all with nada baik dan berhemah; unlike my scathing tone, of course)

(Can you blame me for not being patient? Such gall!! The nerve and the audacity!! To INSINUATE that people who don’t follow THEIR skewed understanding of religious fiqh are equivalent to not following the syariat.)

 

“Doktor-doktor lelaki yang ambil bidang O&G ni gatal ke apa?”

(Huh? I won’t bother to give this piece of filth the dignity of commenting.)

AND people go around talking about MY over-generalization? This is skewed! Skewed!

 

 Doctors should not be so judgmental

This is the most over-rated sentiment in the whole universe of medical field. Come on, you!

If I am not allowed to be judgmental, how in God’s name, do you suppose I can come up with my diagnosis?

Please, people. Don’t be easily fooled by lip-service such as this!  It sounds nice but it amounts to ZERO in practicality. We always judge people. We always do.

The only difference between someone who is CALLED judgmental and someone who is NOT called judgmental lies in whether or not he/she ACTUALLY speaks about it out loud. Deep inside, we judge. If we keep it inside, that’s our problem.

Being judgmental is not the crime people make it out to be. The question is, what do you do about it? Are you judgmental, but keep it inside and help your patients anyway? Are you judgmental, say it to their face, and still help them anyway? Or are you judgmental, keep it inside and don’t help them in the end (and make yourself feel better by saying, I am not judgmental)?

Get off your high horse, oh you who accuse me of being judgmental. Because at the end of the day, you are anonymous, and I find myself unable to care about how judgmental you are about me being judgmental.

(Hahha? See? I can twist ‘being judgmental’ around easily. You are judgmental about me being judgmental. Are you a good person, then?)

 

Patient can choose what they want. In nowhere in my post do I question their rights or autonomy.

Go and check my post again, please dear readers. I implore you to read carefully.

I specifically said:

“You women may request only female doctors for yourselves. You men may request only female doctors for your wives. But not ALL of you will get what you wish for. You DO, of course, have the option of going to the private hospital and insist for it.”

That’s my policy. Always. I didn’t question your rights to request the moon or the sun. But whether or not you might get it, is another matter.

Which part of this topic  don’t you understand?

 

I am not a perfect Muslim. But Islam is my life.

Alhamdulillah, I am honoured by some of your compliments about my post. I appreciate it more than you know. However don’t put me in a pedestal because sooner or later, I will fall off it and you will hate me for not fulfilling your expectations.

I am telling you once and for all: My post on ‘Lip Service’ is an attack on pseudo-religious people. NOT my religion. NEVER in a million years. Thus I was astounded by the comment that I quoted below from someone named Ben:

“If I am a female and I had a preference, of course I would choose a female doctor over a male in regards to any genitalia related health issues.
But let’s be fair: why don’t we extend this to male patients as well? Male patients who have any genitalia related health issues, to be attended to by only male doctors and also male nurses. Then you get my vote. I know many cases of female doctors/nurses being groped by men regardless of their race and religion.
The issue I have with the original “vote” was that it was one sided. I am sure you know in some countries, only men can drive, men can beat their wives, basically men can do no wrong.
This is not about doctors being holier than thou, being judgmental etc. We are living in Malaysia where thank God, moderate Islam is being practiced. What next? Separate students, male and females?
Dear Medical lecturer/physician, I am ashamed of having you as a member of this esteemed profession. No wonder the health profession in the country is going to the dogs, and you being a lecturer, I pity the students whom you are preaching to.”

 

And this is my reply to him:

“See here, Ben. I agree with you about being fair to both genders with regards to them being able to choose gender-specific doctors according to their sexes. In this case, what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

However I have very SERIOUS reservation about the manner in which you are trying to portray my religion here. I have no IDEA what do you mean by MODERATE Islam. I don’t think you have any idea what Islam is, in the first place.

And you are absolutely right when you said “IN SOME COUNTRIES” only men can drive cars and men can beat wives. I hope you can really appreciate that some countries’ national law has NOTHING to do with Islam.

Just like the atrocities committed by communism in Malaya once, has nothing to do with being Chinese.

So please….I only agree with you up to a point. And no further. I hope you will think twice before saying something you have no idea of. I invite you to study Islam.

Some people are pseudo-religious and I cannot stand them.
And some people are pseudo-intellectual and I cannot tolerate them.

I hope you understand.”

When I approved Ben’s comment, it was for the sole purpose of correcting his misconception. He didn’t say it in so many words. But it sounded as though he thinks Malaysian Muslims practice moderate Islam (so that’s quite tolerable to him), while somewhere in other parts of the world, another kind of Islam is being practiced.

This is so wrong at so many levels that I have no choice but feel like I have to create another post to explain, not just this particular issue, but all the other issues as well.

So for the birth of this post, you may thank Ben for it. I wouldn’t have bothered to write SO SOON, if not for his comment.

So please folks; muslims and non-muslims alike. Do NOT try to paint my HONEST thoughts in Lip Service as me being a sacrilegious, irreverent Muslim because I will challenge you to court.

I do not support anyone who ever dares to even hint that Islam is a bad religion just because some of the followers are confused. If you are made confused by confused Muslims, you are DOUBLE the fool. Only really idiotic people are made confused by some other confused people.

Please make it your life policy to only be fooled by a more lucid and intelligent person than you are. In other words, if you think something is not right, go and find out from the true Islamic source. Don’t look at the Muslims and say Islam is not the right religion.

In my blog, this stupidity is not allowed.

***

Sorry if I am harsh.

Again, I don’t play the game of lip-service.

 

Regards,

-Afiza Azmee-

4 thoughts on “Again, I don’t play the game of lip-service

  1. Nana

    Dear Afiza,
    It is with deep regret that unlike your previous entry on Lip Service, i found this particular “reply” entry on the subject carries nothing more than an over reaction, heavy with just emotion. For someone who’s practising physchology, this is rather disappointing. It seems like this sudden “limelight” of public attention to your documented thoughts have “shakened” you to pieces, that you lost your composure, and you lost the point(s) that you were trying to convey earlier. I look forward to hearing more interesting (read: provocative?) thoughts on various topics from you in the future.

    P/s: dont worry, i’m not expecting a Wall Street Journal/Financial Times kind of articles. I deal with that on a daily basis from my profession.

    Regards,
    S

    Like

    1. Dear Nana,

      Correction. I am not practicing psychology. I am practicing psychiatry. And in psychiatry, don’t make the mistake of thinking that we are all soft and gentle and all understanding all the time.
      There’s a technique called confrontation; we did that in a regular basis with our patients.

      Don’t worry. I am still whole and in one piece. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you know me to even presume that I am shakened. You haven’t even met me (unless you are someone I know but had decided to post this anonymously….then you already know what I thought about THAT! haha)

      And I, too, look forward to writing other interesting stuff. But provocative? Nope. I don’t write for the sake of being provocative. I write what I think; if it happens to be provocative, I don’t take any pleasure from it. Because the truth is, I am disappointed that something as simple as the truth can be thought of as provocative. It simply shows where the public is in the intellectual arena. And it hurts me because I would like to think that MMalaysians in general, and Muslims in specific, are very wise people.

      P/S: When I write at all, I don’t place anyone else’s expectation in mind. Not even yours. I have been satisfied with my blog prior to all this hype. I don’t need to please anyone.

      Regards,
      Afiza

      Like

  2. Nana

    Thank you for your reply, Afiza. My humble apologies for the mistake in addressing your field of practice incorrectly. As a finance person dealing with investors community in the oil&gas sector, memang kelemahan saya lah tak tahu nak bezakan “physchology” vs “psychiatry”..Now i know the difference..hehehe..(after googling that is!)

    Psychology is the study of people: how they think, how they act, react and interact. Psychology is concerned with all aspects of behaviour and the thoughts, feelings and motivation underlying such behaviour.

    Psychiatry is the study of mental disorders and their diagnosis, management and prevention. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who have qualified in psychiatry. They often combine a broad general caseload alongside an area of special expertise and research.

    You were right – I dont know you personally to assume/judge you on anything. In fact, your entry on Lip Service was the first entry I read from your blog. I learnt a great deal of things from that entry. Thank you for the enriching perspectives.

    I am not a blogger, I am merely a casual reader. I blog hop as & when I have the time & interest on the topic presented. I’m sorry if my previous comment offended you personally, it was not my intention. We both appreciate the mutual freedom that we both have to not read/response if we dont want to. I guess I had made a mistake for believing this could be a blog worth following.

    Best wishes,
    S

    Like

    1. Nope, I was not offended at all. I do, however, take it as my responsibility to explain to my readers what they couldn’t decipher from having read what I had written; especially when it involves having people thinking that we are practicing moderate Islam as though there are many types of Islam out there; and ours in Malaysia just happened to be the more tolerable one. Any Muslim – whose blog is responsible for generating comments like that – would have done so, if they have any sense of responsibility towards the religion at all.

      It’s up to you to think that I became more emotional in this post. Because to tell you the truth, I happen to think that I was just as emotional in the previous post too. And I wont’t make apologies for that because I know the basis of my emotional writing is factual in origin.

      We all make mistakes. If you had made the mistake of thinking that my blog was worth following simply by that one post, your mistake can be corrected easily enough in the future. May I suggest that you use the avoidance technique in the future to keep yourself from committing the same mistake again? – it’s one of my patients’ favourite technique too.

      Regards,
      Afiza

      Like

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