I pride myself at being a very resilient sort of person. Alhamdulillah….and I pray I will always be this way.
I have always known that I bounce back fast and easy. When I am annoyed, I don’t stay annoyed long. When I am sad, I don’t stay sad long. My anger doesn’t last beyond the time for the next prayer. When I am anxious, I took steps to fight them. And for all those times when I am annoyed, sad, angry or anxious, you can always bribe me with novels and coffee.
You see, my constant background mood is that of contentment and happiness. That’s why I always find myself much happier being around a happy person. Being melancholic and wallowing in self-pity are not my style.Really. Even though I whine a lot, I know that the only reason I do that is because I am an attention-seeking middle child (ok, pecah rahsia) and my parents don’t really mind anyway. They know that I am the sort of person who TALK myself out of misery.
I can not possibly be disappointed for a long time when I can’t get what I want. Because I have this incredible ability to change my desire anytime I please. If I can’t get what I want, then I will simply make myself stop wanting it. That way, it would not matter anymore. If I can’t do something I wanted to do, then I would reason with myself why I should not be doing it anyway.
To me, that kind of attitude is the best attitude when dealing with heart desires. No person and no object and no other worldly things would have power over you when you have the ability to adjust your desire of worldly things, and just shrug and said, “Oh, I don’t really need all those things to be happy, anyway.”
I used to think that you can either be happy or be melancholic. Never both.
I have a good friend. She has (maybe ‘had’ now) a fiance. They have problems now.
I wanted to tell her, “Why cry? Can’t you make yourself not like him? It can’t be that hard. You see, you love him too much. So he has power over you. That’s why you are hurting. Can’t you see? The reason he is not hurting is because he is the one who can say ‘I can live without you and my happiness doesn’t depend on you’. You should be that way too. You are the one who define what makes you happy and you should be able to change it anytime you please. You decide!”
But I bite my tongue. Who am I to say these things, when I don’t even know what she is feeling. But I am making sense, right?
At the moment, my heart desires to be home with my family for Eid.
I could not get what I want, of course. I am in Australia and my family members are all over the place.
So, how do I cope with all that? I can’t possibly say “Ah, I don’t need to be with them for Eid in order to be happy. “
That sounds heartless, isn’t it? Sounds so cold and uncaring. And it would not be true….well, yes I don’t need them to be really happy for Eid, because Eid always makes me happy, anyway. But I know that having them with me would make me even happier.
So, I guess, the best way to describe my feelings at the moment is : I am happily melancholic; I am happy celebrating Eid; but I am melancholic because I am not with my family. So, I am happily melancholic.
And I think that if you want to be melancholic about anything, the best of way of being melancholic is to be happily melancholic.
Being happily melancholic is an art. It is when you know that you can be HAPPIER when you have something, but not having it would not make you sad…just LESS HAPPY. But STILL HAPPY.
Do you know what I mean?
I think, that’s how everyone should be. They should be happy and content with whatever fate God has decreed for them, even though they know they could be happier if they have this and have that or do this and do that.
Next time I saw my friend, I should probably give her the Eid&Family analogy.
I will tell her, “You don’t need to be happier. You only need to be happy. Would losing your fiance destroy your happiness…or just your happier-ness? I am sure, before you met him, you were happy. After meeting him, you were happier. So losing him now should only change your happiness status from ‘happier’ to ‘happy’. Right?”
I guess, what I am getting at is, after attaining God’s pleasure, NOTHING and NO ONE in this world should affect your happiness too much.
Don’t seek to be happier…when would it end? Just be happy.
But sometimes, life can be hard, I know. And during those times, melancholy would strike, I am sure. Being happy in those times would be hard, of course.
If you can’t be happy….then try being happily melancholic by telling yourself:
“I don’t need to be happier in order to be happy.”