Babies are such cute little things.
Did you know that adults who are rated as attractive usually have baby-like features? Attractive adults are the ones who retain their facial looks of innocence (but with a body of a woman/man, of course, lol).
A study was done to look at why babies (and adults who retain baby-like features) are so adorable. Features such as below are said to invoke protective feelings from mothers towards their newborns and actually encourage bonding between mothers and babies:
- wide round eyes
- small mouth
- small short nose
- round cheeks
- small chin
And if you look at the way little kids express themselves; it’s just full of LIFE. Their laughter is full of SUCH joy and when they squeal and break into a smile of amusement, your heart melts. And when they cry in distress, it’s YOU who are stressed.
According to my lecturer (while I was doing Paediatric term last year) all these features and antics are designed to invoke the feelings of warmth and affection towards little kids. They also inspire the feelings of protection and urgency to fulfill the baby’s needs. That’s why the crying of babies are so annoying because they distress you and you just need to shut them up because what you are feeling when they cry is the feeling of urgency to correct whatever it is that is distressing them. It’s adult’s basic instinct to care for their young.
However, as babies grow up and are able to take care of themselves, their facial features become more matured and they will, to a certain extent or other, lose the oh-so-cute and-adorable facial features and childlike expression.
But, some people do retain their baby-faced appearance, and these are usually the people that you would rate as beautiful! (For example,Indian and Arabs are beautiful because they retain their big round eyes.)
That’s why while babies all vary in their looks, they are all soo cute and adorable no matter what race they belong too. Dark-skin babies are not less adorable that Caucasian babies and Chinese babies (even with small eyes) are just as adorable as Malay babies.
So, looking at how all newborns are designed by God to be so adorable and should invoke the protective instinct of the mothers, we can only conclude that the numerous cases of abandoned babies (discarded into the pits, garbage bin, bushes or rivers) now making news in Malaysia is the manifestation of the lost of basic human instinct among the Malay(sian) females.
I have done one article on this issue (Abortion) previously. But tonight, I feel called upon to write on this again by a conversation I had had with my friends while we were on the way back from iftaar at the mosque.
Kak Rin was saying, “Tau tak sekarang ni depa nak buat hukuman gantung untuk orang-orang yang buang bayi” (Translated: Did you guys know that now the Malaysian authority wants to enforce the punishment of hanging for those who are found guilty of discarding their newborns!)
And I replied, “Memang patut pun! Buang bayi tu menyebabkan bayi terbunuh. So hukuman untuk membunuh memanglah hukum gantung.” (Translated: Serves them right! Discarding babies would indirectly but effectively murder them. So, the punishment of murder is of course hanging.)
Kak Rin replied, “Tapi macam kejam sangat lah. Kenapa perempuan saja yang kena? Patutnya, laki dan perempuan, dua-dua kena hukum gantung. Baru fair. Sama-sama buat, sama-samalah tanggung.” (But this punishment is too extreme. And why is it that only the woman is punished? Both man and woman should be hanged, for it to be fair. They were in it (i.e have sex) together so they should bear the consequence together).
Heheh. That’s why I love Kak Rin. We are both a Muslim feminist, at heart. ****
And then I said, “Ya, memang sama-sama buat. So dari segi dosa berzina, sama-sama lah berdosa dan akan tanggung dosa tu. Tapi bab buang bayi tu, siapa yang buang, dia lah yang kena.” (Translated: Yes, from the point of view of fornication, then both men and women should bear the burden of the sin. But from the point of view of discarding the baby, then whoever had decided to discard the baby, then he/she should be punished.)
What I meant was the sin of fornication is clear : BOTH of them would bear the burden of the sin; if not here, then in the hereafter. But when it comes to discarding the baby, we should look at who had decided to do it? Is it just the mother? Or if the couple has not broken up yet and is still together, was the decision to discard the baby made by the father…Or did both of them decide to discard the baby?
We have to analyze each case individually to decide whether both the mother and the father or the mother alone deserve hanging. In cases where the couple are still together and both of them had made the decision to abandon the baby and thus killing it, then both of them should be hanged. In cases where the couple has broken up, and then the woman finds out that she is pregnant, and then after giving birth to the baby, she then decides ON HER OWN to abandon the baby, with no encouragement or force from the man to do so, then surely the punishment should only be given to the woman.
Kak Rin then said. “Mana aci. Perempuan tu tak dak choice. Dah laki tu tinggalkan dia sorang-sorang dengan baby tu.” (Translated: That’s not fair. The girl has no choice but to discard the baby; because the guy has left her to bear the responsibility on her own)
Then I said, “Apa pulak tak dak choice? Ada dua choice kat situ: nak jaga baby atau nak buang baby dalam tong sampah. Dan dia pilih nak buang baby. Memang padanlah dia kena hukum gantung.” (Translated: What do you mean she has no choice? There are two choices there: to keep the baby or to discard the baby in the garbage bin. And she decides to discard the baby. It would serve her right to be hanged.)
Well, look, I am a feminist. But I am a fair feminist. There’s no doubt, BOTH men and women are responsible for the sin of fornication. There’s no doubt that the man who left the woman alone to bear the fruit of their sin, is an irresponsible spineless PIG for doing it and he will answer for it and should be punished for it. But WHO decide to discard the baby? That’s the key question that we have to answer.
I don’t know what I myself would do if I were found to be in that situation (na’uzubillah hi min zalik, please ALLAH, protect me from falling down from the grace of Your guidance). But if I were left alone to decide what to do with this baby (my supposed BF is no longer in contact with me, so he has no influence on my decision), my decision would be based on how this baby would affect me and whether or not I could bear the consequence of having a fatherless baby in the society. So my decision is a selfish decision of how this baby will affect me (Me! I! Myself! So I am responsible with the decision) in the society.
So, if I later decide to discard the baby and the deed is then found out by the authority, I alone should be punished for it! But I will reveal the name of the bf (because I am vindictive, lol), so that he could be punished for fornication, or at least be brought to the same level of shame that I have to endure. But the punishment for discarding the baby would be mine alone!
Look, I could be wrong about my reasoning and I totally understand Kak Rin’s point of view and would agree with her on most things. I think I am a bit biased myself, because I feel very strongly about this.
The truth is, I just find it so HATEFUL that young mothers could be so CRUEL as to discard their newborns. I could understand it if the father does not have much soft, tender feelings towards the product of his abominable lust. After all men like that are beasts of the lowest level and care nothing beyond their selfish needs. But the mother who carries the baby for nine months and who could feel how the baby moves inside her, should at least feel a certain amount of affection towards the baby. Discarding the baby is a heartless decision and therefore deserves a heartless punishment!
Stop thinking that you have NO CHOICE! You always have a choice. You always have! You could choose to say, “I don’t care what the society says. Maybe it’s a good thing I broke up with my bf, my baby does not deserve that kind of father. I will find a woman’s sanctuary and live there with my baby until I am ready to face the society again. I will hide away and then give the baby up for adoption and then move to another place where I can start my life new, where no one knows me.”
Stop basing your decision on the man who left you. Stop basing your decision on what the society says!! The society is wrong at so many levels, it’s nauseating!!
Dayah then said, “Kita marah orang buang bayi. Tapi kalau dia nak simpan bayi tu, society tak boleh accept anak luar nikah. Habis tu macam mana? Tapi kalau kita nak suruh society accept anak luar nikah pun, ini seolah-olah menggalakkan maksiat pulak. Nak suruh society accept pun tak boleh jugak.” (Translated: We are angry at the incidents of abandoned babies. But if the mother keep the baby, our society still will not accept a child out-of-wedlock. On the other side, if we want the society to accept babies born out of wedlock (the way western countries have done), this would come across as encouraging sin. So we can’t ask the society to accept it either.)
That’s the dilemma isn’t it? I wholeheartedly agree with Dayah. It’s a dilemma and the reason is sooo clear.
Things become a dilemma when we want both ways, when we want two things at the same time and don’t want to stick to one particular system.
And I have talked about it in the previous article. I talked about how our society has become too rigid and too judgmental.
I have been accused of being rigid and judgmental myself, but I believe that I am rigid and I am judgmental on the things that we SHOULD be judgmental about. On the other hand, the society is being judgmental on things that they shouldn’t be judgmental of since they themselves are part of the problem!
How dare you become judgmental of people who have children out of wedlock when you yourself go out on a date with your boyfriend and then while dating, do and say everything that only husband and wife should be saying to each other. Don’t you realize that the only difference between you and the girl who has a fatherless child, is penal penetration!! That’s the only difference. Words of flirting is part of foreplay too, isn’t it?
How dare you become judgmental of ‘anak dara orang lain terlanjur’ when you don’t say a thing to discourage your children from having bf-gf relationship. Have you forgotten that ‘anak dara yang terlanjur tu’ starts by being an ‘innocent’ couple too, just like your own children are doing now.
If I know that I haven’t done my part in preventing my own family members from the root cause of zina, how dare am I to become judgmental on unmarried pregnant ladies?
So, that’s why I said the society should first and foremost be judgmental on people who have boyfriends/girlfriends. Not wait until they have gone on to have a child out of wedlock before you decide to be judgmental on them. YOU are part of the problem, so when it happens, you should help them!
You see, it’s ridiculous isn’t it when you picture this scenario involving a conversation between two friends:
Ani: Have you read the news today. It’s shocking how teenagers behave these days!
Intan: I know!! How immoral they are, to have done zina and after being pregnant, then discard the baby. Immoral people! Anyway, I have a date with my boyfriend, I catch up with you later.
Hahhah! Isn’t it hilarious?! In one breath, you claim moral superiority but in the next breath, you went on to do the exact same thing that the immoral girl has done.
Stop kidding yourself. Admit it! Evaluate yourself! What do you guys talk about during the long phone conversation? Be honest! If you say that when you go out on a date, you don’t even hold hands, well fair enough! But, listen…. even words that you said to each other can be considered as part of foreplay in sexual intercourse, did you know that?? That’s why even if you claim that you never even touch each other and are just talking sweet things, I will still say that the only difference between you and the ‘anak dara terlanjur’ is: she has completed her foreplay and you haven’t. That’s it!You have no rights (yet!) to be saying those sweet nothings to each other. Stop it!
We should encourage teenagers to be proud if they have never said those loving words to anyone outside her family members, who don’t deserve them yet. The time will come, soon! For the time being, keep those words inside. Keep those words to yourself first, girls! Relax!! Why do you feel the need to express every little thing that you feel towards that someone? How many times have you said ‘I love you’ to your own parents even as they are being kind towards you? How many of you even express ‘thank you’ to your own parents rather than just take the money and grin, as though that money is a matter of your own rights rather than a mercy and an act of kindness by your parents? Try being loving to your own family first and get over the embarrassment of expressing your love to your family first.
Until now, I am embarrassed about expressing my affection towards my own parents and my siblings but over the years I have tried to be more open and I have overcome that embarrassment. I cannot imagine how much more embarrassing it is, to have to say those words to a guy? So, if we are all prepared to overcome the embarrassment of saying such mushy-mushy words to a total stranger, why don’t you struggle to overcome the embarrassment of saying those loving words to your family, FIRST. They deserve those words so much more than the guy who has contribute NOTHING towards your upbringing. Just think of it as a good practice to overcome your shyness in being affectionate towards someone else. I know I need the practice as I can be very cold-blooded sometimes and I am sure a lot of people also need that practice too. So practice it with your own family first!Hopefully, it will be much easier to do when you have to say those words to your legally wedded husband. 😉
We all know that Islam can’t be implemented in halves. By saying it, I am not claiming any perfection in my own doings, but I am only stating a fact, and I will repeat it again: ISLAM CANNOT BE IMPLEMENTED IN HALVES!! The system comes in perfect working order and could not work efficiently if one part of it is missing.
You can’t do hudud on teenagers who have done the sin of fornication when the society have made it a cultural practice to accept non-mahrams of opposite gender going out together. You can’t! It will be ZALIM for you to allow them that kind of temptation and then punish them after they have done zina!! You made it easy for them to fall into zina, people, and now you want to punish them?!
You can’t choose to cut a poor farmer’s hand who commits the sin of stealing but at the same time not punish the politicians for stealing a thousand times over of the same amount of money. It will be ZALIM!!
I will be the happiest person when the hudud will come into practice because by that time, the system would be so perfect that you will see no ‘fitnah’ whatsoever, that the likelihood of committing the sins in the first place is almost NIL!! So actually, it is in that ideal situation, that the hudud is implemented. Hudud for that particular sins are implemented when the likelihood of the sins to happen in the first place is almost zero.
People think Hudud is extreme, but it’s actually not. The reasoning is like this:
“How dare you commit zina! Have we not given you proper religious education? From when you are a little kid, we have taught you arabic and you know all there is to know about Al-Quran. You have never seen any half naked ladies/men on the billboards on the street. All the TV stations air only religious programs with no half-naked ladies dancing in the video clips. There is no temptation from anyone, anywhere that could have caused you to do it. But after all that has taken place, you still commit zina! Then, you deserve to be punished!!”
“How dare you commit the act stealing! Our Islamic nation is so rich that all our zakat money is excessive and no one meets the eligible criteria to receive the zakat money. And in the case of desperation, there’s always the baitul mal for you to appeal as we have soo much money in there. But why did you steal? You deserve to be punished!”
In both cases, the sinners commit zina/stealing simply because they can, and the opportunity happens to present itself. Not because they have been deprived of good upbringing and not because they are victims of social conditioning.
Our social conditioning is so nauseating that NONE OF US should dare say a bad word to someone who has a child out of wedlock. You can say, yes, fornication is a sin but full stop. That’s all you can say. Stop talking altogether but start acting. We should prevent the sin of fornication (by dakwah and awareness of the evilness of bf-gf relatinship) while AT THE SAME TIME help people who have sinned to repent to Allah and care for the babies. Until you have done your part of dakwah, until our society is so perfect and until we find it normal to be judgmental towards those who have bf-gf relationship, we shouldn’t dare to be judgmental to those who have babies out of wedlock. YOU are part of the problem when you take religion in halves. (Yes, my boy, mummy allow you to go out with that girl, but you cannot do more than that. Promise me?… ugh!)
I am saying it to myself too! I am part of the problem, as well.
The society should first learn about WHEN to be judgmental. Don’t just decide to be judgmental on the CONSEQUENCE of the thing that you failed to be judgmental about in the first place. Don’t judge the consequence, judge the reason! And when you judge the reason, you will find that the blame lies squarely on our shoulder as a society.
The society should begin to set up more welfare institution or women hostels to manage cases like these so that these teenagers/women would have places to go when they are expecting to deliver. But at the same time we have to work aggressively to change the society to become more conducive towards an anti-fornication environment. Make the society more conscious about preventative measures in abolishing social immoralities. Make it known to them that from the very beginning, they can go ahead and be judgmental to couples… but not to unmarried pregnant ladies because what’s the use of being judgmental to them at that time? The deed is done already! Once the deed is done, the most afdhal thing to do is to be helpful, not to be spiteful.
We don’t want to see anymore discarded and murdered newborns now, do we?