Prof. Kichu Nair took all four of us to the coffee cart and gave Miss J.H 15 dollars.

I smiled. He is going to buy us coffee, I thought.  This was the second time he had done so.

You see, as a medical student, I tend to judge all my supervisors by their tendency to buy me coffee. (shallow much?) And I NEVER say no to coffee (and food in general if it’s halal). I think that buying people coffee and discussing any topic over coffee is one of the easiest way to bond….there’s no need for a nice fancy dinner or 3 courses lunch. I am happy to be bought coffee and a nice pastry and discuss about the latest book I have read with anyone.

Prof. Kichu Nair now is at the same level as Dr. Harrington…they have bought me coffee TWICE. But so far, Dr. Chen (my surgery supervisor) is the best, in my estimation – from him, I got coffee at least twice/week just by attending his clinics.

So, I have come up with a simple conclusion: ALL supervisors who have a reputation or a demeanor of a strict and unbending personality are actually kind at heart because they are the ones who would buy you coffee. All the soft-spoken ones never did.

Kak Dash used to exclaim, “Macam mana Afiza boleh baik dengan doktor2 yang garang2 ni? Boleh cakap diorang baik lagi!”

My sisters would probably say, “Lions recognize their own species and would of course be nice to each other.” hahaha.

But Suhaila knows me. This is when Suhaila would say, “Kak Dash kena tahu Afiza punya definisi baik tu. Siapa saja yg belanja dia coffee, kira baiklah tu.” LOL.

Well, yeah it’s true what Suhaila said. However, it’s not just because of the coffee. It’s everything else that comes with the coffee…do you know what I mean?

These doctors are the doctors who would push you to learn, they are tough on you, and then occasionally they would encourage you….and sometimes they criticize you…and then they buy you coffee,which to me, seems to convey that all their garang-ness is a necessary part of learning but they are buying me coffee because I am still part of the team and they are being paternal. Yes, I like doctors who are paternal…gentle toughness with a shot of coffee every now and then.

Gentle toughness is different from arrogance. It’s so easy to differentiate between the two. You can be tough on me as long as you are nice about it….but when you are bordering on arrogance and start acting like a jerk and start throwing some unhelpful harsh words with f-words every now and then, that’s when the person becomes very loathsome.

So, when a teacher is being tough on me while at the same time cares about my need for food and coffee (LOL), then I would say, okay she/he is being parental. She/he is tough on me because she/he cares…my parents would do the same. They would scold me and then they would ask me to eat every time I start my mogok lapar. So I can accept that. As long as I feel you are being tough on me because you care about me, I will not mind.

But if I sense EVEN JUST A LITTLE BIT, that you are doing all that just because you are a naturally selfishly harsh and arrogant person with no respect for anyone else who is your subordinate, THEN I would never like you, coffee or no coffee. In fact, if it becomes too much, I might even write a letter of complaints to the school dean as well. (Yes, Allah has given me the ability to write well and I am always most comfortable at writing e-mail EXPRESSING my dissatisfaction. I am known to do that all the time.)

I don’t like arrogance. And I don’t like disrespect. Don’t come near me if that’s how you are.

To tell you the truth, when it comes to arrogance and disrespect, I can give you lessons! I know how to be arrogant. I know how to be harsh. I just stop being one because I realize that that kind of attitude sucks!

That’s why I hate people who speak so boastfully and arrogantly. Because when they do that to me, I tend to act the same way towards them….and then I will be like them. I am humble to those who are humble but I WILL BE harsh to those who are harsh at me. Don’t bully me just because I have always been nice towards you. I am nice because I have no reason to be harsh. Yet.

Whatever you give me, I will return equally.

I will let you in on a little secret.

I am bound by kindness. I am weak when you are kind to me. When you are kind to me, you would have tied me to you because I would never have the heart to disappoint you. I could not bring myself to say no to you when you are kind to me.You can get me to do anything halal to help you, and I will do it if it’s in my ability and power to help you.  But once you start being harsh and arrogant, you can’t win with me because I am no longer bound to you. You can’t win by being harsh with me. I will simply a)ignore you, or b)slap your cheek.

I am a lady and I will be treated like a lady. Nicely and gently with kind words. If you don’t treat me like a lady, then I will act like a lion. We don’t want that now, do we?

I have postponed talking about this because I was busy with my big final exam. But I have disapproved several comments recently without bothering to reply to any of them. I simply think these konon-Islamik, budget-alim comments are not worthy of gracing my blog. I have known the best of characters in Newcastle whose religious knowledge are far, far superior than these people and none of them are arrogant and harsh towards me. The true knowledgeable people know how to bind my heart…it never was and never will be with harshness. I don’t respond to that. EVER.

So, I hereby declare that I will not approve comments that:

a)uses harsh words. No swearing in my blog. It’s banned. Not even in a joking manner. Say only the best, or nothing at all.

b)that do not respect me as the owner of the blog. You don’t go to someone’s house and start provoking the host, do you? If it’s your inspired way of trying to get my attention, you are dead wrong. Try being nice, and I will pay more attention to you.

c)that is out of the topic of what I have written. If I write about politic, stay on that subject. Comment nicely, by the way. If you disagree with me, state CLEARLY and POLITELY why. Give me reasons. Don’t try to assassinate my character in your comment. I will not approve comments from strangers who don’t even know me but are trying to imply bad things about me. You can state why you disagree without saying anything about me or my character. Please stop being obsessed about me. I am not that awesome. Just be obsessed about what I have written. Okay?

d)if I think the commenter has wrongly interpret what I have said, and then base on that interpretation, he/she gives ‘budget alim’ comments that are meant to imply that I am not knowledgeable about my own religion, then again I will totally ‘longkang sampahkan’ that kind of comments.

I mean, sheesh! Comments that have the characteristics of the above, simply reflects the lack of excellent akhlak of that person.  And I will not associate myself with that kind of person, not even in the virtual world. I am sorry.

When I comment on someone’s blog and disagree with what he/she has written, I will simply state my case with clear reasons why I disagree. I NEVER said “Apa laa bodoh sangat cara kamu fikir ni. Kamu ni tak belajar agama ke yadda yadda.” I mean, how dare you! Do you think that comments in the internet will not be judged by Allah as well? How zalim your comment is that you can pass judgment on someone you hardly know and assassinate her character….and you don’t even know yet for sure whether or not you are right. You read what I said, and you interpret them wrongly and then based on your WRONG interpretation, you then pass judgment on me. Do you think that it is not sinful to hurt the feelings of your fellow Muslim brothers and sisters especially when you don’t even know for sure whether or not you are wrong or right?

That’s why my previous post is about ‘gentlemanly behaviour’. Orang kampung pun reti jadi gentleman. So please! I don’t want to associate myself with harsh people because I don’t want to be harsh in return.

I want to be a gentle(wo)man too. And I can’t be one with people like that. So the easiest method is for me to get rid of that people from my life.

If you don’t know how to be nice and how to treat a gentle(wo)man, don’t come to me.

2 thoughts on “Gentle(wo)man

  1. cayalah suhaila. i guess it has never been a secret.

    ps: coffee kat sini mahal siot. nasib baik aku kumpol kupon free coffee, dh 3 cups aku pow from on the go ngeh2


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