This post is inspired by this article from one of my favourite bloggers in the online world. You can read the article here.
But I am not going to write on the same topic as the respected Mahaguru58; so nope…nothing would be said beyond that I agree with Mahaguru58 and I have had the same view as his since a longgggg time ago. For so long, I hate hearing people badmouthing our police force or our army or anyone in public service doing the kind of jobs that we so-called professionals didn’t even consider doing.
The PDRM started getting the bad rap since the Malaysian political crisis in 1997. Before that, I have never heard of anyone snickering or making-face at the PDRM. In cases of break-ins and thieving…who do we go to? In the case of accidents and kidnapping…who do we rely on? When we feel in danger, who, after Allah, would you hope to be around to hear your cries of help?
At least, I used to consider being a policewoman or a detective, once. Until now, I am considering applying as a doctor in the army. And my youngest sister pernah nak jadi bomba lagi! These are good, noble works that involve you putting your life at risk for the sake of public service.
Sure, doctors and engineers do play their roles too…but very little to be compared to the police or the firefighters or the army, in terms of the risk to life and limbs.
But a lot of people refuse to engage themselves in positive thinking. They keep on finding faults in others.
Of course, we should always give CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM for future improvement, but the criticism given should be voiced in the kindest manner possible. It should be given in the spirit of brotherhood and sisterhood. It should be given with you feeling genuine concern about the situation, for the sake of the persons involved…not for the sake of you showing off your oh, so brilliant thinking.
I hate faultfinders!!And I generally couldn’t stand being around people who have negative thoughts all the time. These people give such negative vibes and can be very depressing.
Since I really like maintaining my positive and happy outlooks, I generally avoid this kind of people like the plague or I would show them my dissatisfaction at their comments. Sometimes I just remain silent and refuse to comment. So in the future, they would know not to say these kind of things out loud around me.
Unfortunately, I have to admit that most faultfinders are women.
But not ALL women. Just NOSY women! And some BITCHY men. (To all men in the world, being bitchy is the most un-manly thing to ever be doing! DON’T do it!!)
Look, I have to admit that I love gossips. But there are two types of gossips: Good ones and bad ones (mengumpat).
Examples of good gossips are things like, “Weh, ko tahu tak kawan kita tu dah bertunang. Dah nak kahwin bulan depan.” It gives such a happy mood to all people hearing it.
Bad ones are like this: “Hari tu…aku nampak laki tu dengan perempuan tu pegang tangan. Ish, aku rasa cam tak malu sungguh depa dok buat macam tu! Entah apa-apa. Berapa kali dah aku nampak depa dok dating! Konon alim sangat.”
G…god! You were there kan? Why DIDN’T you give them your advice at that time, straight to their face? What is the PURPOSE of you telling ME and others what you saw they did? True, you will be able to convey how ‘alim’ you are because you had felt disgusted when you look at ‘MAKSIAT’…however, you have also conveyed how WEAK you were by not doing anything about it other than committing the maksiat of backbiting.
Look, I don’t want to know about other people’s maksiat that I didn’t witness on my own. If I had witnessed it and I was a coward enough not to say anything about it to the persons themselves, I would NOT talk about it to others. I have seen many people dating, tak pernah pulak aku nak heboh2 kat orang lain. Because it wouldn’t be constructive at all, it would be exposing other people’s shame.
Dan ini adalah contoh daripada facebook status kawan lelaki aku yang budget diri dia ini alim. It sounds something like this, “Ish, awat lah tak senonoh sangat orang kat atas ni. Pukul 12 tengah malam perempuan tu masuk, skrang dah pukul 4 tak keluar lagi. Mari kita lihat pukul berapa diorang keluar.”
WHAT?? Are you JOKING?? You are sooo wrong in soo many levels:
1)Kau abaikan tanggungjawab kau mencegah!! Daripada kau tunggu bersengkang mata dari pukul 12 sampai pukul empat, adalah lebih baik kalau kau ketuk pintu rumah dia pada pukul 12.01 minit, buat2 nak berborak atau bagi nasihat.Apa guna kau nak ‘lihat pukul berapa mereka keluar’?
2)Kau telah mengaibkan orang! Macam mana kalau ada kawan2 facebook kau yang kenal orang yang duduk tingkat atas rumah flat kau tu?
3)Ada possibility kau telah mengfitnah. Entah2 perempuan tu kakak atau adik dia ka? Who knows?
4)Kau riya’ lagi berlagak.
Another example of stupid criticism: “Aku tak faham kenapa budak2 yang alim tu tak tegur si A ni…entah sembahyang ke tak. Depa2 tu kan baik dengan dia. Konon nak berdakwah sangat.”
If you are TRULY sincere and concerned, why don’t YOU go and give advice to si A about the 5 daily prayers? Stop finding faults at other people’s method of dakwah. They KNOW who they want to approach. Besides, maybe they already did or maybe they were waiting for the right time. How about yourself? What have you, yourself, done for dakwah? Nothing, kan? So what makes you think you have the rights to find faults in others?
Sure, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and constructive criticism should be welcomed. But I am sure we can all agree that the examples above are NOT constructive at all!! It was done more for the sake of ‘melepaskan geram’ or ‘melepaskan gian nak cari salah orang’ or ‘nak menunjuk pandai’. Give it up!! It’s such a very unattractive behaviour.
And some people (both men and women) do love to give strict rulings about matters that are ‘harus’.
“Daripada kau baca buku cerita banyak2 tu, baiklah kau baca buku Kisah Hidup Sahabat ke, atau Perjuangan Hassan Al-Banna ke…”
Terkena sebiji di batang hidung aku.
Well, then maybe I should say, “Daripada kau dok perabih duit beli kasut laa, baju laa, tukar iphone lahhh….baiklah kau sedekah. Kan banyak pahala tuuu.”
And to men, maybe I should say, “Daripada kau buang masa tengok bola pagi-pagi buta, apa kata kau buat qiamullail ke, berzikir di sepertiga malam. Kan lebih elok,”
Or maybe, to make myself sound alim, I can use some arabic words too, “Pada pendapat ana, lebih afdhal untuk anta berqiamullail bersama-sama ana, daripada anta melakukan lagha di pagi buta untuk menonton bola,”
But have I ever done that?
I never presume to control others in matters that are ‘harus’. Things that are not in the category of haram or halal or makruh are harus!! Yes, kita jangan berlebih-lebihan dalam perkara harus kerana itu pun tak elok….but only Allah and that person alone can decide what is ‘berlebihan’ and what is ‘just nice’ for her.
Samada perkara2 harus yang kita buat berlebihan atau tidak, kita saja yang tahu. Bukan urusan orang lain untuk judge.
Macam yang pernah aku cakap, “Bagi orang lain, makan dua pinggan mungkin berlebihan untuk dia. Tapi untuk aku, makan 2 pinggan tu adalah basic. Kalau aku makan 5 pinggan, barulah berlebihan untuk aku. Aku yang tahu…perut aku yang berbunyi. Metabolism badan aku, is uniquely mine!! You would have NO idea.”
Even if she reads lots of novels, what makes you think she haven’t read religious materials too? And just because somebody bought an iphone or expensive clothes or accessories, what makes you think she also has not given charity with the rest of her money? And, just because you saw him watching football one night, what makes you think he didn’t do qiamullail for the rest of the other 6 nights of the week?
Tu pasal kita jangan pass judgment untuk benda2 yang harus, sebab kita tidak tahu kadar harus dia, dan apa yang dia buat selain daripadanya. Duit dia, apa yang dia nak beli suka hati dia lah. Masa dia, apa saja benda yang dia nak baca dengan masa yang dia ada, suka hati dia. Kau sendiri, jangan dok buang masa tolong fikirkan (dengan negatif) pasal urusan orang lain.
Yes, kau boleh bagi nasihat/tazkirah secara umum tentang fiqh keutamaan, dan kepentingan masa atau fadhilat sedekah etc etc etc. Tapi tak payahlah nak komen secara tidak konstruktif tentang perkara2 ‘harus’ yang dia lakukan. Sedangkan perkara2 haram, kau tak halang pulak! Siap tungguuuu berjam-jam lagi supaya perkara haram tu terjadi, lepas tu nak serkup orang dan mengumpat di belakang. That is NOT Islamic! Haiyaaa!!!
Satu lagi….it’s so easy for us to say, she is spending her money unwisely on novels and lagha books. But maybe, that’s because it’s HER hobby. However, she makes use of her money wisely in other matters.
Maybe she could say to you, “You are spending your money, changing your handset for every new technology that appears in the market. Or updating your camera equipments. Or buying the trendy clothes every month.”
Aku tak suka rasa dikawal dan dikongkong. I love my commitment-free life and and my sense of freedom within the boundaries of the religion.
If people are to forbid me from doing something, the only reason that I would accept with full submission is, “Kerana Allah dan RasulNya larang.”
And another reason that I would accept would be, if the person that forbids happen to be my parents or my elders who do have the rightful authority over me. But even then, I would ask, “Kenapa tak boleh?”
If they can give me good, practical reasons that I haven’t considered, then again I would accept it.
But if you were doing it just to find faults in me, and NOT because you genuinely care about my well-being, don’t bother! I can generally tell WHEN people are really sincere for my welfare. Just like we can instinctively tell, when people are being negative and backbiting, and when people just need a listening ear without any malicious intention.
Kadang-kadang tak semestinya dia bercerita kerana nak mengumpat. Sometimes, dia ada masalah dengan seseorang, dan dia perlukan orang untuk mendengar…I have no problems with that. Tapi bila orang mula bercerita pasal dosa2 orang lain (yang dia tidak ada kaitan langsung dalam hal itu; spt contoh ternampak orang ‘pegang tangan’) maka aku mula rasa muak.
Jangan libatkan aku dalam umpatan mu.
Aku tidak maksum. Kau juga tidak begitu. Jika kau benar-benar ikhlas, kau akan berdepan dengan empunya badan lantas bertindak. Bila dihadapannya kau berdiam, jangan di belakangnya, kau melalak.
PS: This post is a reminder for me first before it is for others. Faultfinders and backbiters are really mentally draining to deal with. Let us pray to Allah to protect us from developing this habit EVER!
And the only real examples in the post are the ones about books (that’s MY perkara harus yang mungkin juga berlebihan) and the other real one is about my friend’s facebook status. The ones about clothes, iphone, camera and football…itu hanyalah contoh2 yang aku fikirkan, sebab itu semua perkara-perkara harus yang common dan diminati ramai. Bukan untuk menyindir sesiapa yang ada iphone or dslr ke apa ke. Just to give you guys a rough idea that semua orang ada hobi masing2 yang orang lain nampak berlebihan, padahal kita rasa biasa saja. So, janganlah nak jadikan benda itu sebagai bahan umpatan. Nak mengumpat pun, bernaslah sikit! Haiyaaaa!!