I just would like to wish Eid Mubarak to my family and friends in Malaysia as well as here, down under.
Minta ampun, minta maaf banyak-banyak. To err is human, after all.
Semoga kita semua beroleh keampunan di akhir bulan Ramadhan ini. Diharap semua orang dapat meraikan hari kemenangan kita dengan penuh rasa kesyukuran dan kegembiraan.
And also to readers of my blog (whom I may know or not know), I extend my heartfelt apology to you too. No one is perfect in this world. I may have written some bad posts that you consider a waste of time to be read, I may have offended anyone with my un-inspiring writing, I may have annoyed you guys with my leteran, bebelan etc, I may also have boasted too much of my small little achievements in life. I am sorry.
RAYA DI OVERSEA
Alhamdulillah, raya jatuh hari Ahad. Meaning, it was weekend and no class. However, I still have lots of work to do. On top of my normal studying, I have to prepare for paediatric power point presentation this Tuesday. Hopefully, everything would go well.
Nak raya pun, mcm tak ada mood sangat. Sebab?
1)Tahun ni rindu sangat2 kat rumah. Mungkin sebab teringat kat parents kot. Poor mom and dad…daripada anak perempuan 5 orang, tinggal 2 orang jer kat Malaysia. Tahun depan pulak, mungkin tinggal adik bongsu aku sorang jer di Malaysia. Dengar suara mak mcm sebak, suara sendiri pun nak jadi serak2. (But I am tough!! Mana main nangis2 okay!)
2)Banyak kerja. And sekarang rasa sgt motivated nak blajar because I really want to finish my degree as soon as possible and go back home. Tak nak extend2. I don’t plan to work here. I am going back to work in Malaysia, insya Allah. Because I know that as long as I am here in OZ, I will only care about myself and my small little world. There’s nothing for me to contribute here. Nothing! As long as you are looked upon as an outsider, you will always be less relevant than the Australians. If you want to advocate for any change in the health system, if you want to voice something out…people will not listen to you as much because you are not the country’s citizen.
I guess, I am missing home already. And Raya makes it all so much more poignant.
And during the Ramadhan month this year, I did a lot of thinking. Too much thinking. I thought about where am I heading from now on. What do I want to do in my life? I am leading a life of repetitive cycle. While I really love who I am now, I also know that I want to do something MORE! More than just this cycle of studying, sleeping, eating and some more studying. I want to contribute to the society in a meaningful way. And hopefully in a non-political way. Because I have come to hate politics, though I still keep track of what’s been happening.
So, once I am back in Malaysia, I am planning to choose an NGO (non-governmental organization) to get active in. Aman Malaysia, Mercy Malaysia…those two are looking really attractive to me, at the moment. But who knows what else I will be interested in later.
That is also one of the reason I want to go back home. Because I know that as long as I stay in OZ, I will always be this selfish person who only cares about herself. When I go back home, nak ke tak nak, I will be forced to take on more responsibility. I will be responsible for my parents; I’ll be there for them in case of anything,insya Allah. And as an intern in Malaysia, I’ll get a lot more responsibility as a doctor than I will ever get here, because in Malaysia there aren’t that many doctors for whome we could divide the work among us. And if I were ever given the opportunity (or the time) to be active in an NGO that I am passionate about, I will start grow as a person or a leader. I want to be among the positive voices in Malaysia who will advocate for what is good and beneficial for the health system.
All these are the things I won’t be involed in and won’t be motivated to be involved in if I stay in OZ. Because I will always feel like an outsider, and therefore I will always feel nonchalant and uncaring about whatever policy the Australian government is up to; I will always be the one who submits to the system rather than help shaping the system.
Do I sound like I have a grandiose delusion? Like I have the power to revolutionize the world? LOL!
No, I don’t have any grandiosity about my capability. I know and I humbly admit that I am very, very ordinary.
I just feel like I am ready to go out of my comfort zone of caring only for myself, and start taking on more responsibility for others around me; my family, my friends, the health system I’ll be working in, and finally my fellow Muslims and Malaysians who I may come across in my role as a doctor or an advocate.
Of course, if I stay here in OZ, I can still care about my family, I can still keep track of what’s been happening in the health system in Malaysia and so on, but I won’t be able to do that in an optimal manner. Going back to Malaysia is the most optimum manner to accomplish who I would like to be in the future. Hence, the decision.
And since the decision was made in the month of Ramadhan, I hope it turns out for the best, insya Allah.
Still, kita hanya merancang, dan Allah yang menentukan. Hopefully, aku akan tetap pendirian.